The Rooster In Yellow- Let's Watch: Rock-A-Doodle!

However, I should have another part of the recap up for tomorrow, so hang in there everybody. School's almost over, and, (since my mom's school goes on longer than mine) I'll have a day or two to myself with which I hope to finish this "film".

As promised...

Part 8: Falling

PREVIOUSLY, ON ROCK-A-DOODLE: Edmund and friends have tried to alert Chanticleer to the fact that an evil gay men's chorus are attacking the farm, to no avail. Chanticleer is an Elvis impersonator, and him and his asshole fox manger have boarded their private helicopter. Now, aboard the helicopter, things are getting interesting.

You see, on some luxury helicopters there are minibars. On others, there are television sets, or catered food. Not hre. No, on this size-defying hot pink monstrosity, there is an entire golf course. Uuuh... what? As he plays golf in his physics-defying helicopter, Asshole Fox ask Chanticleer if there's anything he needs. "Is there anything you need? You name it. A beach house in Maui? I'll buy you a whole island," he delcares. Did Elvis have his own island? I don't know. Fox manager swings, and the golf ball goes riocheting everywhere. (Yet another reason why an enclosed golf course is a bad idea.)

"Say," says Fox, jabbing Chanticleer in the neck with a golf club, "what's eatin' you?"

Turns out that Chanticleer is lonely.

"LOONELYYY?" roar Fox, much in the same way that the foreman elf did upon hearing Herbie's desire to become a dentist in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

"There's twenty thousand people out there screamin' your name!" he says.

"Yeah, but back on the farm..." What, the farm where everybody made fun of you and mocked you? The farm populated by idots that can't tie their shoes, moronic birds that fuck everything up, and a cat with a speech impediment? That farm?

Fox's golf cart start'smoving, and suddenly Chanticleer's shrunk! Seriously, he's like a foot tall. Previously, he was the height of a dog. "They don't love you," says Fox, and asks Maury (whoever he is) to "give them a roll". On cue the helicopter turns over and the wo of them almost fall out of the helicopter, but don't. (Way to risk the life of your multi-million dollar singer, Fox.) "THEY LOVE YOU!" he screams again, gesturing to a giant heart-shaped throng. Yeah, you think they're great now, Chanticleer, wait until they start going through your garbage and taking pictures of you while you're trying to raise your children. Just wait, Chanticleer.

After being pulled back in by the enigmatic "Maury", Chanticleer is dumped in his room by the Fox. Fox calls Goldie for some reason.

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE FARM: Yes, rather than try to think or problem-solve their way out of this mess, the idiotic animals sit on the bed trembling like the cowards they are.

"She's fadin' fast!" yells one of the pigs, as the flashlight flickers. "How many batteries do we got?" Oh, no! They've only got two batteries left! Geez, how long have they been sitting there for? Batteries last for about ten hours. Suddenly, the phone rings! Hilarity Ensues as the pig bounces across the bed in an attempt to reach the phone.

"Whoisitwhatdoyouwantwe'vegotanemergencyhere!" he says into the phone. "Edmund?" he yells. "Anybody here named Edmund?" he yells again.

"Iiii'm Eeedmund," says the phone. "The little boy who-the kitty!" See, I told you he's losing his humanity. Any minute now, he'll be screaming about how he was ONCE A MAN. "Who's dis?" he asks.

"Stewie the pig!" says, um, Stewie the pig. However, their conversation is short-lived, as suddenly the lights on the flashlight start going out! Stewie the pig yells that "they need The King Chanteecwaiw Chanticleer quick!"

"We'ww be dere as soon as we caaaan!" says Edmund. And, considering that they've been loitering around in the city for a while, they really don't seem to be in that big of a rush. Stewie jumps off the desk holding the phone and back to the bed.

"What about my faamiilly?" asks Edmund, as th ereciever falls into the water. Forget it kid, you never had a family. You were born in a cardboard box, weaned at six weeks, and sold to a pet shop. Don't ask questions.

Suddenly, the phone rises into the air! It's the Grand Duke, who seems eager to use it. "Hello, kitty?" says the Duke. "It's me, the duke." Maybe he's going to pull a Bart Simpson and give him a fake name.

"I have some rather... bad news." he says, as he clears his throat AGAIN. "When the batteries expire, so will your friends." Wait, that's great news! I mean, they're all really annoying and don't do anything useful, so I suppose that it's best to get them out of the picture.

"Bye," says the Duke, and bites the phone cord in two.

And, to make matters worse, we hear the first harpsichords of... a song! Well, another song.

All the owls prance around the hole in the roof in the strangest possible way.

"Twiddle-dee-dee, twiddle-dee-dee" they sing as they march.

"They're running out-" sings the Duke.

"They're running out-" echoes the gay men's chorus

"Of baterrrieeeeeeess," sings the Duke again.

"Hahahahahahaha!" they all sing. "No batteries." A bit of an anticlimatic way to end a song, but still. By this time, the rabbit manages to load her flashlight and blow them all away like they got fired out of a cannon. Bleh.

@ Emperordaien- A Troll in Central Park is pretty bad. Somebody should liveblog it, but I'm not up to the task. Although I know what I want to do next-

Whatever the fresh hell this is.

edited 15th Jun '10 5:54:39 AM by CrowT.Robot

No comment on the events that were just catalogued, as it's just sad seeing Bluth fall this far.

As for the Catnapped! film, I saw stills of it once before. Seeing the actual trailer and animations is just... what the hell is that!? Gah!

Measuring time to death in terms of how long their batteries will last is horribly inconsistent. It may take hours or minutes. What an excellent way to instill a sense of danger(!)

The gay men's chorus and the Grand Duke really have to get that whole "react to light as if it were a giant fist" deal fixed. It's going to fuck their shit up some day.

Is it bad that I'm actually rooting for the Grand Duke?

edited 15th Jun '10 8:39:15 AM by Flanker66

Well, as said earlier, batteries can last up to 21 hours, so... how long have Edmund and co. been gone for? Days?

EDIT: Also, I'm rooting for the Duke too. But not that much.

edited 15th Jun '10 8:47:39 AM by CrowT.Robot

Another update tomorrow, guys! In the meantime, I've figured out exactly how I feel towards this movie-

edited 17th Jun '10 6:32:43 PM by CrowT.Robot

Part 9- Paradigm

Previously, on Rock-A-Doodle: Edmund, Patau, Peepers, and Snipes are sitting around in the city trying to find Chanticleer, but failing miserably. H Owever, it turns out that Chanticleer doesn't like being a rock star and wants to go back to a farm populated by idiots. Oh, and evil owls are about to kill everybody. So yeah, everone's SOL.

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE CITY: There's some kind of hideious twelve-wheeled limousine... thing coming around teh corner. Ye gods, that thing is awful. It's like the Homer and some limousine had a hideous, garish child. Inside this abomination of a private vehicle, Fox Manager Guy is on the phone with his boss. (Hmm... I wonder who it could be...)

"You say a kid, a dog, a bird, and a mouse?" says Fox. "What is this?"

I think we all know what this is. Say it with me, folks. THIS! IS! ROCK-A-DOODLE!

"Some kind of joke?" continues Fox.

We cut to an embroiderery of "Darkness Sweet Darkness." My God! Who could this be? "You think it's funny," says the voice of The Grand Duke the mysterious stranger. "They want to bring Chanticleer back to the farm."

"You don't want that, he makes you lots of money," says the voice, and we discover tht the evil mastermind behind this whole thing is... The Duke! Gasp! "I don't want that, he makes me miserable."

"What should I do about it?" asks Fox.

"Your chicken," (actually, he's a rooster, you idiot.) "thinks they don't want him on the farm." I don't want him anywhere actually, except maybe in a bucket of KFC. "All you have to do," says Duke. "is make sure he keeps thinking that." Somehow. "It is not good, that the kitty, and his friends, should talk to your chicken." Um... what? I don't think that's very good grammar, man. "Kapeesh?" Oh, God. I don't thnk that anybody in the history of ever has ever used phrase in a non-ironic way.

"Thanks a million," shrieks Fox. "This has been most. Enlightening." he says. The limosine jumps off a cliff or something and drives off. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

Meanwhile, back at the club, there is a giant mob of... animals... dressed as penguins... or something. Also there's a giant sign on the club that reads, and I quote- "NO DOGS, CATS, BIRDS, OR MICE." Okay, but you can clearly see that there are dogs outside, selling the penguin suits. I am not making any of this up. Also, Chanticleer is a bird.

My mind has broken.

"Deeaw Chanticlweew" monologues Edmund from inside the building. He's writin a letter somehow, despite being in a penguins uit that has no hands. "We're sorry. Please come home." Yes, that's a great apology. Of course he'll forgive you for mocking everything about him and damming himself to a life of empty hedonism and lust. Yep, he'll just come home like that.

"Sign dis," saqys Edmund to Snipes (argh!). Did I mention that they're all dressed as penguins. I can't stress this fact enough.

"Must you bother me whilst I dine?" says Snipes. Urge...to...kill...rising... "Where have you been all my life? Lasagna a la pata- amor- (sorry, I can't really understand what he's saying here.) Shouldn't Edmund be the one that likes lasagna? Oh! Then someone could make "Rock-A-Doodle without Edund!"

Their waiter (who is a rhino) comes by, and Peepers decides to implore of him to take the note up to the King. "It's vewy impowtant," says the only character in he film with a speech impediment.

Snipes goes on another rant. "We ordered a light cola, and this stuff weighs a tonne!" he says, and in the process loses his penguin costume. Mmmm. *Slow Clap*. Congratulations, Snipes, you waste of a character, you've fucked everything up aain.

"Get me the boss," says the rhino into a walkie talkie.

Gasp! Will our heroes escape alive? Will Snipes ever do anything useful? Did the animals on the farm die yet? Find out next time!

And, to finish off today's post, I'll let Bender lay it down again-

edited 18th Jun '10 6:57:59 AM by CrowT.Robot

I'm suffering hiccups at the moment that are hurting my chest and making me belch like Homer Simpson and they're still less annoying than this movie.

Something about the "NO DOGS, CATS, BIRDS, OR MICE." sign is hilarious to me. Especially since they're sneaking in as Penguins... and aren't Penguins technically birds too? Flightless birds yes, but birds all the same. Wouldn't it make more sense to sneak in as, say, a snake or a lizard or something?

Something about having a Helicopter large enough to encompass an 18 hole Golf Course appeals to my sense of "I want to be rich". And I don't even like golf.

Clearly All Birds Are Sparrows. No others count.

^^And clearly helicopters in this universe can ignore power to weight ratios and basic principles (I mean, seriously? A helicopter of that size rolling? Unless you want your license revoked, you'll keep from doing crazy maneuvers no matter what your boss says).

They said there were no Cats, Dogs, Birds, or Mice

They also handed out Penguin Suits to the people coming into the club.

Disguising them as birds.

Even though they would not be able to find Team Edmund as a result.

.........

AHDKHDHSDSABDLSAJBFLARBLENASOFINNOANF

WHAT IS THIS IS DON'T EVEN

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE THIS?!

FKDUUUUUMMMMBBBB!!!1

edited 29th Jul '10 4:26:08 PM by Emperordaein

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF ROCK-A-DOODLE!

YOU SHOULD NOT BE SURPRISED BY ANYTHING BY NOW.

In this world, the difference between surprise and acceptance is the difference between sanity and madness.

AAAARGH I'VE BEEN PUTTING THIS OFF TOO LONG.

And I'm going to make you all suffer for this. Soon, you will all resume your descent into insanity, with the second half of this gem called... Rock-A-Doodle.

Send 'em the movie, Frank.

IT LIVES!

We all knew this was coming.

We can only trust our force, and head to The Garden......OF MADNESS!

edited 29th Aug '10 3:30:26 AM by Emperordaein

CROOOOOW! YOUUU MUUUUST FINIIIISH!

[activates LB-sign]

Crow?

Crow!

CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!

"I should elaborate a bit more on Stupid the Owl. He's actually a WWII veteran.....So why he acts like a.....well.....Goofy Idiot is beyond me. Although this suddenly makes him a far more tragic character, when you consider that he may be suffering from some kind of advanced PTSD. "

Does anyone know where this information about the stupid owl is from? You can't really tell by watching the movie (other than the "Before the battle, mother..." song he sings before breaking into Pinky's trailer) and wikipedia doesn't say anything about it.

Something tells me he was doing it for Rule of Funny rather than accuracy.

And damn it Crow, I thought we were going to see this monstrosity through!

I could have sworn I saw that WWII fact before on wikipedia.....Still, it fits, given his attitude.

And now we know.

And knowing is half the battle!

• G.I JOEEEEEEE*