Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted. Edit wars on the pages there mean your knowledge is in constant flux, and you go insane.

I wish there was a David Gemmell Theme Park, and it was really awesome.

Granted. You go bankrupt visiting.

I wish I were immortal with eternal youth, beauty and health.

Granted. It's not the literal kind of immortality, but you will be forever infamous for the heinous atrocities against humanity you committed while young, attractive, and healthy.

I wish for a new season of Detroit Metal City.

Granted. It strays extremely far away from the Manga and has the most atrocious writing possible.

I wish 95% of chiptune releases were not made with Game Boys running LSDJ.

Granted, they still suck, horribly.

I wish Easy Evangelism worked in real life. Missionary work would be so much easier.

edited 22nd Aug '14 8:01:59 PM by PersistentMAn

Granted. This works out fairly well for the Borg, thus allowing it to eventually eliminate all sentient independent thought in the universe.

I wish for worldwide high-speed free internet with an infallible (that is, actually unhackable) security scheme.

What part of "real life" did you fail to grasp?

Granted, but you are not allowed to use it. Ever. If you ever use it, the Internet will collapse, the world will not have Internet forever, and it will be all your fault, people will persecute and lynch you.

I wish lightsabers were real.

edited 22nd Aug '14 9:00:03 PM by PersistentMAn

Granted; revolutionary new technology which makes them both possible and viable weapons is developed. Unfortunately, it being first used in weapons colours public opinion of it (much in the same was that military drones have coloured people's opinion of autonomous flying machines) and prevents the most impressive applications from being realised for several generations. In addition, several high profile crimes committed with them mean that any fan of Star Wars is viewed with a disproportionate level of suspicion.

I wish for a beer with as much flavour as a stout without the bitter aftertaste.

Granted. Turns out that one of the major ingredients was hemlock. You die horribly after the first sip.

I wish for omniscience and omnipotence.

Yes, but not the aftertaste.

edited 23rd Aug '14 7:59:36 AM by Surt

Granted: You are now an intangible concept with no free will or conciousness.

Doesn't hemlock taste extremely bitter?

I wish all the kayfabe parts of advertising campaigns (e.g. Wychwood Brewery's beers really are provided by an assortment of fantasy characters, cereals are stolen from their mascots, etc) were true.

edited 23rd Aug '14 6:33:15 AM by Bisected8

Granted, Trix Rabbit causes mass child genocide because they kept denying his cereal one too many times until he snapped. Silly kids, genocide is for rabbits!

I wish that all non-Enfant Terrible children had Infant Immortality.

edited 23rd Aug '14 7:18:06 AM by ironcommando

Granted. It sticks, and after millennia, they all go insane from boredom.

I wish I was royalty.

Granted. You are king of North Korea.

I wish Line Crossing was a bit more tolerable.

Granted. Comedic Sociopathy happens and Reality Ensues. Have fun in the Crapsack World you've wrought!

I wish the world was more like an anime.

Granted. The world is now 2D, and you suffocate because your lungs cannot expand.

I wish I was awesome.

Granted. Simple things like doing a transaction at the bank are performed so slowly and deliberately that the entire transaction takes three hours, and you have lots of deadly serious conversations with the bank teller for no apparent reason.

Granted. You are awesome at having accidents.

I wish that the PC version of Oddworld: Stranger's Wrath worked on my computer, and worked correctly.

edited 23rd Aug '14 11:40:18 PM by lewattoo

Granted. It's a Pyst style parody.

I wish Myst aged better than it did.

Granted. It's aged better because it was the last video game ever produced and released, thus halting the progress of the gaming industry such that its graphics are still considered state of the art.

I wish I had just a little more time.

Granted. You have one second before you die. Use it well.

I wish for world peace.

Granted, all human violence is erased from the world and peace reigns, because all the humans are resting in peace.

I wish-*shot*

edited 24th Aug '14 10:14:26 AM by ironcommando

Granted. Have a shot of AIDS.

I wish for a Meeple.

Your wish for shots is granted. The ensuing tidal wave of booze kills millions!

I wish I looked better in a thermal shirt.

Granted. You said nothing about Hawaiian shirts.

Let's try this again: I wish for a Meeple.

An entire Meeples cafe containing all sorts of meeples lands on top of you. Take your pick... if you can escape the rubble.

I wish that my wishes don't get cut off half-*shot*

edited 24th Aug '14 11:50:28 AM by ironcommando

Granted, they're cut off 1/4 of the way instead.

I wish for a 12 pack of "Black Wych" porter ale.

edited 24th Aug '14 11:49:00 AM by Bisected8