ITT: We All Work in an Office

Oh god it's like the interview all over again.

"Uh.... I like, like, drawing and stuff,,,, I also read books sometimes..... Um."

Shit. I only have, like, one talent. No wonder nobody else will hire me.

The young man just stands there awkwardly, not sure what else to say.

"Crumbs, not whole doughnuts. I may be the security guard... apparently."

I look down at my label to double-check that I am indeed the guard.

"...Right. So, as I was saying. I may be the security guard, but I try to keep my doughnut consumption to a minimum. At least, that was the resolution I took. That reminds me, I should probably do some guarding."

To this end, I look out the window to double-check that nobody was trying to attack the company's screaming mascot. I still haven't forgotten what happened to the last mascot. /:V

I begin drinking my tea I had on the side while tapping my fingers. "Graphic designer. You're a graphic designer now."

"O-okay! Cool! I can do that! So,, um,, do I get like,, an office, or a desk,,, or..........?"

I looked over at Bacon's desk. "Goddammit, why do you get to bring non-water beverages?"

Parched, Arimo rings the doorbell on the corporate building.

"Becaaauuuuuse... I brought this from home. I think someone's at the door, can someone get that while I sort this out?" I turn back to the new fella. "First, what's your name? We need the name for that neat little nameplate."

As I am closest to the stairs and the elevator is out of order, I go downstairs and let Arimo the corporate mascot inside.

"Good morning, miss. Or mister? How deep in-character are you right now?"

I followed Stalkeyes with a styrofoam cup of water at the ready. "Oh, uh, hi there. Do you work here?"

edited 27th Apr '17 2:38:02 PM by Weirdguy149

She then barges in hurriedly, panting. "Me isn't too in character at the moment, please use any pronouns you like." I laugh. "You can tell I'm not in character because I didn't say zansu, and I keep saying I! Anyway, I'm thirsty....and hot....."

"I'm Brian. Uh, it's spelled weird, but you can just spell it how its normally spelled." That way I won't have people butchering it all the time

Pres would find a cartridge hitting him from behind, as Random ducked back into his office. He totally hadn't been busy messing with the goose. At all.

I gave Arimo the cup then walked back over to my station, looking like I clearly didn't care about the situation.

Upon being thwacked in the back of the head by an unseen object, I spin on my heels and point a walkie-talkie behind me, because the company's too cheap to afford actual guns and so I have to rely on strongly-worded warnings to get rid of intruders.

"Scum, freezebag! ...Oh, there's my game. I hope Random hasn't been messing with the goose."

"THANK YOU SIR!!" I shout, pouring the water into my mouth. It crashes onto my gag teeth, but I don't mind since I'd become very acquainted with it at this point. "You know, I've been thinking...how about another suit? Like, one that goes over my entire body. I could still wear this regular garb, but I've always felt like a big full body suit would make me feel more like a corporate mascot."

A thousand chills run down my spine, in sudden terror as to what can come from that.

"Th-That really won't be necessary, Arimo! Your current outfit is great!"

CAN NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY! Random'd shout from his office, before peering out at Arimo.

That might not be a good idea....But if you really want it, I'll let you do that for less money!

Truly, excellent diplomatic skills, Random.

"You know I'm not in it for the money, Boss Random! I'm in it for the love of the job!" I flatten the styrofoam cup with my forehead and toss it into a nearby trash bin. "Besides, aren't full body mascot suits far more cuddly and appealing?"

edited 27th Apr '17 6:01:01 PM by arimothereindeer

"Alrighty!"

g2g, night!

"Well... won't you get hot in there? Mascot costumes are infamously poorly ventilated."

Schlck 72 watches this from the security cameras. He still wasn't sure what his job is, he came into work one day to find they had been bought out. His old boss just said work at his old office, but neither of them knew what he would do. He didn't ever do anything, just watch the cameras, leave for lunch or get something from the vending machine, and go back to watching. The other employees didn't even notice him, first to arrive, last to leave. Not sure how long he'd worked there, but he felt he hadn't worked there too long.

Fdiaper walks towards the office building. They were wearing a white shirt, an blue patterned bowtie and a gray vest under a black suit, as well as a pair of black pants. Their dapper clothing contrasts with their red, clammy face and their uncombed, messy bobbed hair. They hold a cup of coffee in one hand and a half-eaten sourdough sandwich in another. They look down on their watch to check the time.

"Fuck. I'm late, am I? How embarrassing. Way to make a first impression, F."

They walk into the office. Everyone's already started work.

"Dang, I knew it."

edited 28th Apr '17 12:52:35 AM by fdiaperhead

Arimo doesn't notice the new arrivals, and instead sneers at Bacon. "Yeah, of course they're poorly ventilated! You think I've never been a mascot before? Whaddaya thinks on my resume then?" I throw myself onto a wheeled chair, which swiveled on impact.

Bea walks into the office just like a totally normal person. Wearing a pair of kids' Skechers light-up trainers, a skeleton-patterned blouse, a necktie with a motif depicting 50s style pin-up ladies, and eye-searingly orange Spandex leggings that haven't been in the market for decades. Topped off with a Stormtrooper mask covering her face, of course, with a big plastic cup filled with that unicorn frappucino that's currently popular.
"Heyyy." she greets, "I heard it's casual Friday, so I came as casual as I could."

edited 28th Apr '17 9:21:06 AM by ActualBeatrice

Arimo turns her chair nods at Bea. "Yo, welcome to Champion. I'll be your mascot for the evening, doing such amusing things as.....well....SHEEEEEEEEEH!!! We hope you will enjoy your eternal stay."