ITT: We All Work in an Office

Hello, and welcome to Champion Corp! Or, as you'll come to call it, your home.

Of course, not your home home. This is your workplace. You work here. If we kept you here, we'd all be arrested in seconds.

Anyway, we accepted your application, and you'll begin work immediately! As in... right now! This very second!

So... get to work!

"Alrighty, creepy sky voice from the intercom!" Random would state, as he began to eye paperwork.

"Champion dog food, Champion clothes, Champion appliances.....Screw it, I can just delegate!" Random'd say, as he motioned to his manager tag.

"Any sucker- suck ups wanna fill this out? You'll earn an inch of respect!"

Arimo is standing outside of the corporate building, complete on her gag teeth, phony mustache, and purple tuxedo. For whatever reason, she has been hired as "Designated Sheeher" - meaning she would have to yell out the famous noise in a ridiculous outfit.

"SHEEEEEEEH!!!"

Some unusual job this was.

Bacon walks into work, almost late, but not before being greeted by a very loud "SHEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!"

"GOOD GOD!... oh hey Arimo." With that he walks back in, and sits in his desk adorned with green shy guy plush and various other knick-knacks.

"... what was my job again?"

"You don't know your job either?" says Puma, walking in. "Oh great."

edited 27th Apr '17 1:18:33 PM by DrNoPuma

. . . "Sucking up!"

And with that, Random dumped the pile of paperwork onto Bacon's desk, before entering into his own, giant fancy schmancy- wait, was arimo doing her purple tuxedo thing again?

"We have an odd corporate mascot. Ah well! Now, where did I put that Rain Quest cartridge...."

-Random would proceed to derp around, and accidentally win the genocide ending!-

... On to Vermin Quest!

edited 27th Apr '17 1:22:40 PM by RandomWriter413

Suddenly, Prezzy Stalkeyes comes into Random's office, eating a donut.

"Hey, boss... you are the boss, aren't you? I'm assuming you are, given how fancily you described your office back there. Anyway, have you seen my Vermin Quest cartridge? I only just remembered it existed."

"I am a very lovable corporate mascot!" I shout to Boss Random from outdoors. How do I hear this? I do not know. But I do.

"SHEEEEEEEEEEEEH"

I leaned against the water cooler while looking down at my job title. "Champion Waterboy". Fuckin' great. How the hell did I end up here?

Puma sits down at his desk, and talks to himself as usual.

"Okay, since I was studying art in school, I guess I'm some sort of graphic design person. Now, what am I supposed to design?"

Beat

Puma opens up MS Paint

edited 27th Apr '17 1:38:11 PM by DrNoPuma

"Why Random is the best boss ever, why Champion is the best brand ever..."

"Random, what the hell are these?"

Arimo chuckles, because Bacon's next piece of paperwork is titled "Why Arimo is the cutest corporate mascot, and why she needs a raise".

''Um...."

A young man walks nervously through the office, pink hair styled professionally, beard trimmed neatly, wearing a green flannel shirt and a flattering pair of jeans. He walks up to the nearest person, said person being Weirdguy, and starts stammering awkwardly at him.

"Umm, hey, uh, I'm- I'm the new guy, uh, so, um, see,, they- they didn't really tell me what exactly I'd be doing, in the interview, and I thought it rude to ask, so,, um,,,, is there like,,,,,, a higher up I can talk to, or................?"

He trails off and doesn't finish, ending on that awkward note, hoping the other guy knows what the fuck he's supposed to do.

"My guy," I begin, looking at the new person. "I don't know what my job is. CEO told me I was like, second in command here? But I'm not treated like a secretary or something, I just get all the stuff Random doesn't wanna do. So, for your job... I dunno."

Cabe's head pops out from the door to a somewhat cramped office.

"Code's compiling, what's up?"

"We all just got here in this office, same as you. Do you want some water? You look incredibly tense."

"Uh... R-right,,, so,,, should I talk to the CEO too,, so I can,,,, like,,, get an idea of what I'm sposed to do?"

Please I fucking hate just standing around here aimlessly I thought now that I finally have a fucking office job I wouldn't have to stand around doing nothing please where even is my office why didn't they tell me literally anything in the interview

"N-no thanks,, uhm, I'm good."

edited 27th Apr '17 1:58:27 PM by Afterwards

"Well, the CEO is... uhh... well, in this building, there's only Random and, when he's not around, me. We could give you, like... a chair and a table, if that helps. What were you applying for?"

There is a desk. On top of the desk are approximately a dozen piles of paperwork. Sat on the paperwork, cross-legged, is myself. I'm listlessly reading a piece of paper that, unlike all other paper in the immediate vicinity, isn't trapped under my body.

"I dunno???? There was an ad, and I came, and they were like,, 'k we're gonna interview you now',, and then there were the standard interview questions but they were really vauge and then they were like 'congrats youre hired you start tomorrow' and i was just happy to have a paying job again,,,,,"

Maybe do a bit less oversharing, slow your roll there buddy

"Uh, Random, is the guy in charge, yeah? Uhm,, can I go see him...?"

"He's probably busy... not being busy. I think I'm the best you got, being a pseudo-secretary. I can give you a real job, probably. Or maybe you could talk to the other guys here, see if you like what they do and wanna join them." I shrug. "You're your own person."

Prezzy Stalkeyes walks over to Bacon's desk, getting doughnut crumbs all over his paperwork.

"No luck getting that game back, then. Oh hey, it's a new guy. I swear we're all new, though. Like, in the grand scheme of affairs."

Arimo stands out front, looking at the passersby and yelling at them. "JOIN THE CHAMPION CORPORATION! SHEEEEEH!"

I thought by signing the contract I sold my soul to the corporation and ceased being my own person. Isn't that how capitalism works?

"Uhm,, okay, well, uh,, do you have any real jobs for me, then?"

I guess I could just, like, bring coffee and stuff.... But then if nobody needs anything I'd have nothing to do but stand around.... Please don't make me the coffee bringer......

"Wha...? Donuts on my desk, Prez!" I desperately sweep the crumbs off before they stain, "c'mon, man!"

I'm equally shocked by Arimo's screaming, as I look out the window.

"Jesus, that costume is scary..."

"Uhh... now then, what are your interests? Can't really assign you a job without any idea of who you are."