Asexuals and Aromantics Unite!

I wouldn’t personally classify having a high sex drive (or any sex drive) but not experiencing attraction to particular people to be Asexual. I’m Aromantic and I’m kind of the same way, has a sex drive but am not attracted to the people around me much. I’m not asexual.

I mean ok but it is the main definition. Like you definitely get to define how you count yourself. But lack of sexual attraction is what Asexual means.

The way I think of it as all the physical shit still works, it's just that you don't wanna use it on anyone.

I'm allosexual and alloromantic. However, even when I find myself attracted to someone, I'd rather stay single anyway. Does this commonly occur in people?

...Are you sure you're alloromantic?

I started identifying as aromantic when I realised I had no drive to enter an actual relationship at all.

I think I am, on the basis that my reluctance to enter a relationship mostly stems from factors such as being unwilling to sacrifice the peace and quiet that comes with being single, rather than a complete absence of attraction. I don't think I'm an aromantic sexual, because I'm capable of being interested in someone while experiencing little or no sexual attraction towards them. I guess what I'm saying is, I can be attracted to someone but still not seriously consider dating them.

Edited by ArgoTheBlank on Sep 5th 2021 at 11:23:58 AM

Ah, ok. I think I get you.

I mean a lot of people choose to stay single for various reasons. Your drive to enter a relation ship is outweighed by other concerns, so maybe we can say you're not as alloromatic as some people, but like, I guess there's a spectrum there like there is with most things.

I kind of wonder, though, if I fall somewhere on the greyromantic/greysexual spectrum. In the past decade, there have been only two or three people whom I was definitely attracted to. On the other hand, I was quite prudish as a teenager, so it's possible that the actual number was higher and I was simply too embarrassed to admit it to myself at the time.

Definitely a possibility.

I think you might be akiosexual. I identified as that for a long time before I realized I was aromantic allosexual.

Me here! I'm alloaro, I experience sexual attraction but not romantic. I'm not exactly sure of that though, still questioning, but I know I'm on the ace/aro spectrum somewhere. I did a complete 180 from thinking I was alloroace.

I'm glad I found this forum! I'm a 60+ female who has never dated, been married,or had kids, and only realized a couple of years ago that I am probably Aromantic. And for most of my life I thought something was wrong with me. Whew!

We're alright, folks, we know life isn't all about marriage, sex, and reproduction. Those things are great for those who enjoy them, but being single is okay too.

I appreciate love in the broad general sense of the word, enjoy friendship, and recently lost a long-time platonic companion. Now I'm retired and live alone with two cats. I have always enjoyed pets and animals in general. (I suspect many of you do, too?)

Wow you probably have a lot of perspective to share. I also love my cat and dog.

Edited by phantom1 on Apr 27th 2022 at 11:56:37 AM

^Ha, guess Life does give one some perspective. I didn't know much about LGBTQA+ topics till getting work as a librarian at a community college. I took some Safe Zone training, and in 2016 I applied to be a member of the Diversity and Equity council. I learned a lot about all sorts of equity issues, and actually met and worked with people from different backgrounds, plus read books by people from other cultures. Never too late to learn!

I remember once reading in a newspaper article for Valentine's Day that "some people just never 'fall in love'" and being very relieved by that. But the word "Ace" was unknown to me until the mid 2010s, when I cataloged a memoir by an ace person. I looked it up and also found out about being aro.

Very good to know there are options for young people to sort out their identity now.

What do your dog and cat look like? I have a short-haired black rescue cat named Easton, and a medium-longhaired brown tabby rescued cat named Molly. They are both spayed females from a shelter.

Yeah. Oh cool you learned that even if it was late. Yeah I didn't figure myself out until like my 20s and I think kids today are managing to work it out in their teens it's great. Libraries are excellent.

My cat is mostly white with some tan tips on his tail and blue eyes. My dog is medium-small and has curly brown fur.

The best part about being aro is thinking about fictional characters getting into relationships so you won't have to do that yourself.

I'm not even sure what to call myself (and I don't spend much time on labels), but I guess you could say I'm heteroromantic and demisexual. On a good day.

I've had some romantic interests here and there, but no one's been earth-shattering to me since my teens. I've had a few dates and a few kisses, but no sex, and that's fine.

I'm sexually attracted to women in theory, but there is a very large disconnect between the "ideal" of sex and the actual drive toward it in waking life. So even when a woman seems interested, I get weirded out and don't really go for it.

Edited by BrainSewage on Jul 6th 2022 at 2:01:29 PM

I could possibly be aromantic without being asexual but how do I deal with that because like???? The stigma of being a sexual being without being romantic???? I've realised that this might be the case after a string of romantic failures but I know I'm definitely not asexual.

PLUS some of that might be my bipolar too. It's hard to find romance and to be romantic when everything is dominated by manic hypersexuality.

Edited by trashconverters on Aug 26th 2022 at 7:43:26 PM

Hi, biromantic ace-spec here. I only recently discovered the asexual spectrum, and for me it was a game changer. I wasn't opposed to the idea of sex, I would read about it in books and watch movies and it seemed enjoyable. But I'd never met anyone I wanted to do it with, and when I really thought about it it seemed really gross and unpleasant. I do feel sexual attraction to men and women I can't ever do it with (celebrities, fictional characters etc), I personally like to use the label proculsexual. I did come out to my a couple, however they didn't really believe me. They tend to insist that arousal/romantic attraction/sexual attraction are all the same thing (I don't know, maybe for some people they are, but not for me), and that I haven't "met the right person yet", whatever that means. So I have been sort of out of the closet, but not really. Also I'm pretty much completely closeted about being bi, I keep dropping hints to my family but they never really pick up on them. I've never really been in a romantic relationship (I do want to though, so I'm fairly certain I am alloromantic), I don't know, I guess I was sort of terrified to date out of fear my partner wouldn't want to give up sex for me, although I'm still not sure how I feel about sex. So that has been my experience.

Not sure if I count, I am aceflux.

Aceflux is on the asexual spectrum/is an asexual identity, so it definitely counts as asexual, if you are comfortable using that label. Identity language is meant to be flexible, so if you feel comfortable calling yourself asexual, that's great, and if you don't that's cool also.

> I wasn't opposed to the idea of sex, I would read about it in books and watch movies and it seemed enjoyable. But I'd never met anyone I wanted to do it with, and when I really thought about it it seemed really gross and unpleasant. I do feel sexual attraction to men and women I can't ever do it with (celebrities, fictional characters etc),

Pretty much the same as me, although I use quoisexual as my label. And honestly, I kind of am hoping I just haven't met the right person yet. I'm still holding out for it.

Proculsexual seems kinda similar to akiosexual which I used to identify with.

Yes, I think proculsexual can be similar to akiosexual (as I understand it, akiosexual is when you feel sexual attraction but do not want it reciprocated), for me though I don't really think it is, at least by the above definition. For me, I don't feel any sexual attraction to "real" people (that hot person who is sitting across from me on the train, for example) but when it comes to, for example, fictional characters (that attractive character in a movie I watched or whatever) I feel very strong sexual attraction and a desire for it to be reciprocated, even though I know that it cannot, if that makes any sense. Personally, I am rather grossed out by the idea of someone (besides like a fictional character or celebrity, who I know for sure is not attracted to me) "real" having sexual attraction for me.

Sometimes I also hope that there will be an "exception" out there for me who I will be sexually attracted to, I've felt plenty of romantic and aesthetic attraction over the years, and I do sometimes think I might want a sexual relationship. However, the thought of how sex actually works really does gross me out, when I fantasize about it, it always sort of skips over the parts that sound really gross to me, if that makes any sense.

GUYS.

I JUST CAME OUT TO MY MOM.

SHE’S SUPPORTIVE.

HELL FUCK YEAH DAWG