Ready, Aim, Fire!

Weapon shall be a dagger. Classpect can be chosen for me.

Classpect: Guess my name will be it if that's alright. Otherwise, you can generate one for me.

Specibus: breadkind

And I hail from the land of Turkey and Swiss

edited 10th Nov '14 2:41:34 PM by EarlOfSandvich

Alright, I kinda wanted the Seer role but since I'm just gonna die at the beginning anyway, it probs won't matter much if I change it (the Doom aspect is defs mine, though).

There is one problem though: We currently have two Void players, so it would probs be best if one of you changes it. Sorry about that :U

As for Earl, Classpects tend to be one syllable long, so I shall hereby dub thee Earl of Fare (fare is a synonym for food or diet, which is related to sandwiches).

• Makeyejr
• Zero Dark Flirty
• Ichigo Pocky Chama; strife specibus: bladekind
• The Hobo Tortle; strife specibus: lanyardkind; Land of Hooks and Slush (LOHAS)
• Nine Tailed Cat, Rogue of Mind; strife specibus: tribblekind; Land of Fish and Chips (LOFAC)
• Earl of Sandvich, Earl of Fare; strife specibus: breadkind; Land of Turkey and Swiss (LOTAS)
• Surt, Mage of Blood; strife specibus: linekind
• Jondanger, Prince of Void(?); strife specibus: shovelkind; Land of Puzzles and Pits (LOPAP)
• Speedchesser, Seer of Void(?); strife specibus: hatkind; Land of Stuff and Things (LOSAT)
• (bRaHiAn1, ____ of Doom; strife specibus: keykind)

Game will start sometime later today (or maybe tomorrow morning).

I'm actually going to have to bow out of this round, I have a lot of projects due this week. Sorry mates.

Aw, alright. That just leaves Makey for confirmation, so unless anyone has any objections imma be starting soon.

Sorry I'm late!

Weapon of Choice: Pastakind (Spaghetti, Mac and Cheese, etc.)
I'll let you decide the classpect.

Alright! I have distributed Classpects to those who don't have them. For Jon and Speedy, I flipped a coin to decide who got to keep Void. I also came up with some planet names for you guys because whynot. Results are as follows:

• Makeyejr, Bard of Breath; strife specibus: pastakind; Land of Meat and Noodles (LOMAN)
• Ichigo Pocky Chama, Witch of Rage; strife specibus: bladekind; Land of Bones and Mistletoe (LOBAM)
• The Hobo Tortle, Knight of Light; strife specibus: lanyardkind; Land of Hooks and Slush (LOHAS)
• Nine Tailed Cat, Rogue of Mind; strife specibus: tribblekind; Land of Fish and Chips (LOFAC)
• Earl of Sandvich, Earl of Fare; strife specibus: breadkind; Land of Turkey and Swiss (LOTAS)
• Surt, Mage of Blood; strife specibus: linekind; Land of Stone and Flames (LOSAF)
• Jondanger, Prince of Void; strife specibus: shovelkind; Land of Puzzles and Pits (LOPAP)
• Speedchesser, Seer of Hope; strife specibus: hatkind; Land of Stuff and Things (LOSAT)
• (bRaHiAn1, Heir of Doom; strife specibus: keykind; Land of Rainbows and Xylophones (LORAX))

Opening post will arrive in a bit.

At long last, our players made it into their session. Connections were made, meteors were narrowly avoided, and one by one our heroes arrived at their own personal worlds, and began slowly making their way through the game. They climbed their echeladders, alchemized cool weapons, and messed around with a bunch of things they had no idea how to use. Friendships grew, rivalries established, and romances blossomed. But most of all, they had fun playing this ridiculously confusing, utterly world-changing game.

bRaHiAn1 was one of the first to reach the top of his echeladder. Having done so, he ventured to his quest bed in the Land of Rainbows and Xylophones, and took the most epic nap of his life. Of course, as soon as he was fast asleep, he was slain by a monster.

All part of the plan, however. On Derse, his remaining dream self awoke as a fully realized Heir of Doom. Unfortunately, the god tier was not at all how he expected. Now that his powers were fully realized, he could see exactly how and when his coplayers would die violently. He saw every flaw in the session, every way they would fail. The knowledge was too much for him.

He quickly opened his computer and contacted his friends over their various devices.

arcaneInterference [AI] opened a memo at RIGHT NOW.
AI: listen up losers
AI: we're all gonna die
AI: i've seen it all and it's not pretty
AI: all your petty rivalries are about to explode into a massive cesspool of violence and murder
AI: but fortunately I won't be around for any of it
AI: I may be a god but I can still die. if I can do something terrible it'll be permanent
AI: so yeah have fun killing each other. brahian is out, peace!
arcaneInterference [AI] closed the memo.

Shortly afterward, Derse and its moon exploded in a massive ball of flame, as a streak dark green came flying out of the wreckage. Prospit and its moon soon followed, and the large yellow planet crashed into the battlefield of Skaia.

The Heir of Doom then returned to LORAX where his body lay, and summoned his ultimate weapon, Oblivion. He gave one last look around him and, satisfied with the damage he'd caused, plunged the keyblade into his heart. Somewhere, a not-entirely-metaphorical clock stopped ticking, declaring his death to be Just.

The other players observed from their various worlds, wondering what the hell just happened.

DEAD

• bRaHiAn1, Heir of Doom (JUST)

ALIVE:

• Makeyejr, Bard of Breath
• Ichigo Pocky Chama, Witch of Rage
• The Hobo Tortle, Knight of Light
• Nine Tailed Cat, Rogue of Mind
• Earl of Sandvich, Earl of Fare
• Surt, Mage of Blood
• Jondanger, Prince of Void
• Speedchesser, Seer of Hope

Round One begins now. You have, like, 24 hours or something.

edited 10th Nov '14 9:07:25 PM by Brahian1

Still waiting on a PM from Makey. If I have not received one within three hours and fifteen minutes, the next round shall begin without him.

Speedchesser sat atop his roof in the Land of Stuff and Things, while he observed his coplayers from afar, gathering towards the destroyed battlefield in Skaia and the remains of Prospit and its moon. No doubt there were dead dream selves abound. But he didn't join them, yet. As a Seer of Hope, it was his job to find the silver lining in this situation.

"Is it true?" he asked his magic eight ball. While magic eight balls were generally believed to be useless pieces of junk, he had reason to believe there was at least some truth to them. They were always almost correct.

"Are we all gonna die?" he asked. The liquids in the eight ball swished around for a few seconds before his answer appeared.

"Absolutely."

Now, even he knew to take these eight balls in stride. Surely not all of the would die, right? And yet, the evidence was overwhelming. Both Prospit and Derse were destroyed, so there were no dream selves to awaken if any of them did die. If something happened down on the battlefield, there would be no quest beds nearby for them to lay on if anyone died. The sacrificial slabs would have been destroyed along with Prospit and Derse. They didn't even have a Life player to fix things up if there were a mass murder. Odds were very much against anyone surviving.

Speedy didn't need to be a god tier to see that all hope was lost. The evidence was right there in front of him. He did the only thing he knew to do.

He took off his red-brimmed top hat, and pressed a button on the side. The brim of the hat became a spinning saw blade, which he quickly ran across his throat.

Hobo Tortle walked across the pier leading away from his house in the Land of Hooks and Slush. When he made it to the end of the pier, he sat down and sighed. He glanced nervously at the massive hook that jutted out of the slush sea, thinking it would be some seriously bad luck if someone were to fall on that.

The thought of luck brought a bad taste to his mouth. Some Knight of Light he was. He was supposed to protect their luck, and yet this had happened and he hadn't even been able to stop it. In the blink of an eye, both moons and a god were destroyed, and supposedly, all of his teammates were to follow. Their precious knight had stood by while their luck rapidly disappeared.

"I'm not a hero," he muttered. "I'm a nobody."

"That's right."

Tort jumped at the sound of this new voice, then quickly got up and turned to face the speaker.

"Oh, it's you," he breathed a sigh of relief at Jondanger, who held his trusty shovel in his hands. That guy never went anywhere without his shovel.

"Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"I mean you're a nobody, Hobo," explained Jon. "You're useless, powerless, and a massive obstacle in the way of our success. You're nothing. And as the Prince of Void, it is my job to destroy nothing."

Tort held the lanyard around his neck, which had the symbol for Light and the end of it, and took it off, assuming his battle position. "I don't know what you're trying to do, but I won't let you do it. I'll ensure we follow the most fortuitious path, and if that means I need to-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence as Jon swung the flat side of the shovel at his face. Tort staggered backward, holding his free hand to his bleeding nose. Jon followed that up by kicking him in the gut, knocking him off the pier and impaling him onto the massive hook at the end.

Tort's vision blurred as he stared at the massive spike that protruded out of his chest. He knew it was no use; he couldn't lift himself off, and the blood loss would take him soon anyway. As his vision faded, he dropped his lanyard into the slush.

A smile crept across Jon's face as both the symbol for their luck and its protector sank into the sea.

As soon as Makeyejr heard the news, he know exactly what to do. He willed the Breeze to take him to the battlefield, where he quickly opened up his laptop and wrote a memo of his own.

makeyejR [MR] opened a memo at RIGHT NOW.
MR: Hey, everyone.
MR: Since our "glorious leader" is gone,
MR: Ha, I couldn't even type that with a straight face.
MR: Anyway now that he's gone, it's probably best that we hold a conference at the battlefield.
MR: You know, so we can figure out what to do next.
MR: So get over here, pronto.
makeyejR [MR] closed the memo.

Since they had no better ideas, the remaining players made their way to the battlefield. It took some longer than others of course, but eventually most of them arrived. Speedy, Tortle, and Jondanger were all mysteriously absent. After waiting for them for a while, they started the meeting without them.

"I think it's obvious what we should do," said Surt. "Let's do what he said we've do and solve our petty rivalries, through the best way we know how!" A series of wires and cables protruded from his back, waving around through the air. "I, for one, have always had a bone to pick wi-"

"I don't think that's a good idea," interrupted Nine Tailed Cat. "The last thing we want is for bRaHiAn'S vision, whatever it was, to come true."

"The guy was a jerkass anyway," muttered Ichigo Pocky Chama.

"I mean really, who blows up both moons and then tells us we're all gonna die?" asked Makeyejr. "Maybe if you hadn't destroyed all our dream selves, we'd be able to avoid dying, genius!"

"All I know," said Earl, summoning a large loaf of sliced bread, "is that there can only be one guy here with a theme of wheat-based products, and that is me!" The bread slices began to float menacingly around him.

"Says the Earl of Fare," chided Surt. "What the hell is that, anyway? Fare? Sounds like a stupid aspect. And it's totally not funny that your class is the exact same as your first name."

Ninetail sighed as the others continued arguing. He had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but just as their leader had predicted, things were descending into chaos, and petty rivalries were quickly boiling over.But Ninetail was mostly suspicious of Surt. He had seen how Surt and Jondanger would talk to each other in hushed tones, almost as if they were planning something horrible. And the title, Mage of Blood, certainly didn't sit well with him.

Unfortunately, Ninetail had no idea how to warn the others of this discreetly. Maybe by using his powers? He had no idea how Rogue of Mind powers worked. They could... steal thoughts? And then redistribute them to help their team? That didn't make much sense, but it was the best he had. Maybe he had some sort of telepathy that would allow his to do those things.

Ninetail focused on Surt, and extended his mind to hear his thoughts. Thought about Jon, preferably. After much concentration, a thought reached his mind. At that very moment, Jon was was trekking across the other planets to kill anyone who had stayed behind. Then, Surt was aiming to rile up their emotions so they would all kill each other and save him the trouble.

Ninetail's eyes widened as the thought reached his mind. He had to warn the others, quickly. But who would he send the message to? He looked around at his teammates and eventually decided on Makey. His role as a Bard was a good sign - Bards tended to be singlehandedly responsible for the party's improbable victory. And victory right now was very improbable. Of course, Bard were just as likely to initiate the party's massive downfall, but frankly that had already been done by their Heir, so Ninetail figured it was worth a shot.

As soon as Makey received the thought, he tried not to smile. If Surt and Jonny had their agenda, then that was nothing compared to his own. And with this new information, it all suddenly became far too easy. He'd been meaning to manipulate Ichigo's temper to get the violence started, and now that Tortle was gone, he had just the incentive for her. But first, to make sure she didn't survive her fit of rage...

Ichigo felt something thin and slimy wrap itself around her arm. She pulled it away in shock, but the thing held tight, and more of them began to wrap around her arm and leg. Looking down at them, she recognised them as His Noodly Appendages, Makey's ultimate weapon. She quickly pulled out her dagger with her free hand and sliced them off.

"Makey?" she asked. "Why are you attacking me?!"

"Because," said Makey, "The Flying Spaghetti Monster has decreed it so. But don't worry. I'll let you have a little fun before you die." He smiled as more Noodly Appendages began to creep out from his sleeves and wrap themselves around her.

"Well shit," said Ninetail as he observed Ichi cutting at Makey's pasta. "That was probably a bad idea."

"What was?" asked Surt.

"Trying to warn him about your plot," he said, "Instead of confronting you instead!"

"So you know?" he asked. "How'd you find out?"

"I'm a Mind player, you idiot, it was only a matter of time before I developed telepathy."

"Hm. Well, I guess there's no more need to keep my cover, then." With that, the wires protruding from his back swung themselves at Earl, whose bread slices provided a surprisingly good defense for him."

"So it's an all-out brawl, eh?" he asked. "So be it!" Half of the bread slices flew towards Makey, who countered with his Noodly Appendages which were now beginning to glow with a holy light.

"That's it!" shouted Ninetail. "I didn't want to have to do this, but it looks like i have no choice. Surt, prepare to die!" He summoned a tribble out of nowhere, which almost instantaneously began to produce more tribbles, throwing themselves at Surt.

Surt knocked the tribbles away with his wires, while continuing to assault Earl, who countered with his bread slices while still attacking Makey, whose Noodly Appendages both protected and fought for him, while Ichi found she was quickly having a harder time slicing up the noodles.

It wouldn't be long before the circle was complete.

"Aha!" shouted Makey, as the holy light from His Noodly Appendages burned a hole through Ichi's stomach, causing her to drop her dagger in shock.

"Behold, the true power of an Earl of Fare!" shouted Earl. "METEOR SANDWICH!" Right on cue, two bodies of rock flew into Skaia's atmosphere. Oddly, Skaia didn't open any portals to keep these meteors from entering.

"The hell?! How can you possibly have that much power?" exclaimed Surt. "Have you secretly been a god tier without us knowing?"

"Nope," said Earl.

"Good." Surt's wires then drove right through Earl's bread slices and wrapped themselves around his limbs, sending enough volts of electricity through his body to kill a full-grown elephant.

"Aurgh!" Frustrated, Ninetail grabbed Surt's head and shoved the tribble into his face. Surt's wires flailed about, but the tribbles that surrounded Ninetail absorbed the electricity into their extremely insulative fur. Slowly but surely, Surt stopped flailing, and stopped breathing.

Ninetail then looked on to the two remaining survivors. Makey, who still had two meteors headed his way, and Ichi, who was holding on for dear life.

"Heh, well, looks like I'm done for," muttered Makey, looking up at the slowly descending meteors. The immense power burst he had received from the Flying Spaghetti Monster had burned him out, and Earl's bread slices had somehow managed to break his leg. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

"It looks like it," agreed Ninetail.

"But don't think you've won just yet," said Makey. "I've got one more trick up my sleeve."

Ichi struggled for breath. The amount of blood pouring out of her was nauseating, but somehow she wasn't dead yet. Soon, though. She had tried to control their rage, to make sure something like this didn't happen. But it was no use. Some witch she was. Now she was dying, and she was powerless to stop it.

She wasn't all too aware of what was going on around her anymore, but it sounded like Makey and Ninetail were the only ones left, and seemed to be talking about something. However, when Makey leaned over to whisper in her ear, she listened very carefully.

"Ninetail has told me something very interesting," he said. "He told me he sent Jon over to LOHAS to kill a certain special someone of yours."

Ichi struggled to process his words. Ninetail and Jon were in cahoots? That didn't seem likely. He went to LOHAS... Which planet was that again? She really had a hard time keeping up with the planet names.

Wait! She suddenly remembered. Hooks and Slush! But that would mean...

Ichi's eyes opened wide and she breathed in a deep breath of air. She slowly, painfully, got to her feet, and picked her dagger off the ground. If Ninetail partly responsible for Tort's death, then there would be hell to pay.

"Are you sure?" she whispered.

Makey nodded. "Tortle's dead, Ichigo."

Ichi's vision went red as she let out a scream of rage. Ninetail didn't even have time to process what was happening before she pinned him down and stabbed him twenty-four times in the chest. His blood splatted all over the ground, on Ichi's clothes and face, but she kept relentlessly stabbing.

Eventually, her fit ended, and she took several deep breaths before giving one last look towards Makey.

He chuckled as she dropped to the ground, and the battlefield shook as he was crushed beneath two massive bodies of rock.

DEAD:

• Makeyejr, Bard of Breath
• Ichigo Pocky Chama, Witch of Rage
• The Hobo Tortle, Knight of Light
• Nine Tailed Cat, Rogue of Mind
• Earl of Sandvich, Earl of Fare
• Surt, Mage of Blood
• Speedchesser, Seer of Hope

ALIVE

• Jondanger, Prince of Void

And thus ends the shortest game of Ready, Aim, Fire! ever played. I really wanted to do something fun with the god tiers and the shoot self action, but as things turned out it didn't work that way. Ah well. I also find it interesting how the Prince of Void ended up being the ruler of a now empty void session.

I'm in for next game.

edited 6th Dec '14 9:03:31 PM by bRaHiAn1

Holy shit! That was the funniest round I've ever seen!

BEGIN

Waiting for one more pm...

GAME OVER

Well, I'm in.

What the fructose? That was... quite a start, and quite an ending, and quite a start that was an ending. Oh well, let's have another go.

Well, that was... interesting.

Nice write-up, Brian!

Anyways, I'm up for the next round as usual.

Whoa. That story was... surprisingly deeper (and on that note, shorter) than I thought!

In for the next one.

Wow... only one round...

I'm in again.

Well, none of my expectations were any close to... this.

It was short. It was sweet. It was epic.

In once again!

Huh. Well, that was a lot quicker than I expected. I'm in for another round.

I'd like to sign up.

Let's give it a go!

So who wants to run the next round? I thought up a theme in case no one else is up to it, but I would like to play as well.

I can give it a shot, I suppose.

I'll give this a shot. Between this and the Arena, I think I'll be rather busy on TV Tropes...

I do have a theme in mind, and I kind of really want to host, but at the moment exams and stuff will certainly hinder the game if I attempt to host this one. Maybe after a week or two I'll give hosting a try...

I might host another game, but not this one... This is pretty much my first time, but from the looks of things, this'll be pretty fun.

Tell me something. Has anyone ever seen the Saw movies?

edited 13th Nov '14 6:51:09 AM by Surt