You Post Like a Dairy Farmer!

How appropriate, thread title. You post like a cow!

This entire thread is one big insult swordfight, Monkey Island style. Every time you post, you must come up with a witty response to the previous poster's insult (For instance, when I say, "You make me want to puke", you might retaliate with "Oh, that's what it is? I thought you were just seasick."), then provide a taunt, threat or boast for the next poster to counter. Rhyming is optional, and creativity strongly recommended. Now, let's give it a go, shall we?

Soon there will be nothing left of you but memories!

Sorry what? Don't remember what you just said there!

Oh, you looking for a fair fight? Sorry, I don't deliver!

edited 21st Jul '14 10:33:46 AM by WilliamRadarStorm

I wondered why you lost your job at the post office.

At the merest sight of me, foes run and hide!

With your appearance, I'd think they'd be petrified.

I could defeat you with a feather if I had to!

Ha, at least you have a good supply of them!

Should I fight you with a piece of bread to make this even?!

edited 21st Jul '14 10:34:17 PM by OmegaShadowcry

What's the matter, can't lift a sword?

You are an embarrassment to all of humankind!

That reminds me, how is your mother?

You can run, but you can't hide. I will find you, and I will destroy you; you and and all you hold dear.

You'd be surprised to know that you are indeed not as capable as you think!

Crawl out of your hole, you shameful excuse for a human being!

At least I'm considered a human being at all.

I could strike you down with one swing of my blade!

Ha! If you even hit me!

I can end you with a whisper... to your wife.

Guess what? She's deaf.

Yes, we did that, and it didn't work so we're doing it again!

Again? Man, I've heard of broken records less repetitive than you.

The worst decision your father made was doing it with your mother and have you as his offspring.

At least he made better life decisions than your mother.

You are an obvious, glaring stain on an otherwise pure and good lineage!

Look at the pot calling the kettle black!

I'm going to put your head on a pike— the sheer repulsiveness of your face will scare off my enemies!

I'm useful for something, unlike you.

You're like a dog, biting at the ankles of a giant.

A giant? Guess that explains your weight...

You are a sacrifice article that I cut up rough now.

edited 22nd Jul '14 8:34:12 PM by Speedchesser

What? Sorry, I don't speak "Crappy bootleg translation."

Why do I feel like I've seen and heard rocks smarter than you?

Because I drugged you, and the talking rocks were all in your head.

Do you know that I could not care less if you live or die?

Did you know that my interest in your witty bantering is absolute zero?

I have seen balls sharper than you.

Who said brains had any place in this fight?

I've fought droids with more style than you!

edited 23rd Jul '14 8:55:16 PM by OmegaShadowcry

How appropriate. You learned to aim from the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy.

I've dodged glaciers that moved faster than you!

Problem is, you're not moving at all!

Because you're dead!

Your entire life is a series of hilarious accidents.

Your life is just a plain series of accidents.

I'll send your ship straight to the bottom of the bay!

I am a pro swimmer and a diver. You think that will affect me?

Spilling your blood would be to dishonour this land.

Good thing you couldn't do it, then.

I could shatter your sword with a single strike!