General Autism Discussion

I pretty much can't act at all so i've never been able to be anyone other than myself. i can make permanent changes to my behavior (when i was a kid i used to not be able to look people in the eye), but playing a role is just not something i can do.

I do. There's been many a time when I've spoken too loud or said something more harshly than I meant it to.

Huh, loudness of the voice? Yes, I've had complaints about it in the past.

I'm the opposite — I'm quiet as a rule. I only shout when I'm very pissed off.

X4 I'm the same that way, I'm so terrible at lying and acting that I gave up years ago. Though I'd differentiate (as you've done) acting from learning. So I don't act in that I am me and carry out my social interaction as I feel is natural, but I learn in that when I realise I've broken a social rule I adapt and work to ensure I don't do that again. I don't consider that acting as a key part of me being me is trying to avoid upsetting/annoying people, so avoiding making social mistakes is part of that.

I've actually had several people compliment me on how genuine and "me" I am, with a friend once saying the only way they could describe me to other was "he's Silas", which is a pretty common phrase in my life.

O and I'm another with voice control problems, I know it's come up before and I wasn't the only one last time either.

Sometimes I just lie to people.

Not out of malicious intent or trying to make myself look good, it's just that sometimes I'll substitute the truth for whatever I think will be the best thing to say, even when there's no conceivable penalty in being honest.

People ask "Hey, when did you get that book?" and instead of telling them I ordered it specifically the previous week I'll say "Oh I just walked into the store and saw it and it looked good."

It seems to have its roots in me trying to keep things simple, as people always complain about me dragging out explanations. So I'll lie about circumstances to people to keep explanations short and simple for others, even when I'm outright fabricating stories.

For some reason, I never do it online, even though it would be easier to avoid getting contradicted. I guess it's because I always have enough time and words.

Yep, I do the same thing. I'm really bad at thinking about consequences when it comes to lying or overspending money.

I tend to be kind of loud too, but that's probably tied into my hearing loss.

See the only person I lie to is my mother, to keep things simple and calm. Otherwise I never lie, not only am I terrible at it but I've both seen enough chronic liars to know what it can result in and my friends are all happy to here my long winded and absurd rambles.

I lied to my last ex a lot because a lot of times she left me no choice because she refused to hear the truth.

I'd say that if someone your dating refuse to here the truth from you it might not be a good idea to continue dating them.

Indeed. Well its not that they actually refused to, they just complained more.

Gender roles.

What are your thoughts on them? Do you hate them? Have you ever run up against them? Have they interfered with your life?

Aspies tend not to follow (or agree with) societal "roles", be they gender, racial (e.g. blacks should like a certain type of music, etc.), class-based, etc. When I was a kid, I thought the limitations of gender roles were stupid, but the other kids around me seemed to accept them as normal. I remember my Gifted and Talented teacher in like fourth grade or so telling a story about something a girl did once that got her ostracized, and said "You know how there are some things boys can get away with and some things girls can get away with?" and thinking that was horribly unfair.

Gender roles are stupid, I've never conformed to them, most of my freind don't and I've no plans to start conforming to a set of rules that exist for the sole porpoise of benefiting one small group (people who naturally fit roles) over others (everyone who doesn't naturally fit such roles).

I've never fit into gender roles very well. As a guy, I'm very sensitive, meek, and reserved, which aren't generally considered masculine traits. Generally I don't care what "society" expects me to do in that regard and just do what comes naturally.

edited 29th Aug '14 1:16:50 PM by wehrmacht

I dye my hair a lot for a guy. That's all. XD

Gender roles are pretty stupid, I think, but occasionally I've caught myself trying to conform to them — especially in my teenage years, when I was actively trying to be cooler among my earlier-mentioned "malicious" peers. That, and I've caught my much-younger self being pretty racist, at least in parroting stereotypes. Luckily I got those stamped out pretty quick.

I am completely ashamed of me-as-a-child.

I'd consider myself a feminist without hesitation, despite the internet's vitriolic need to warp it into some big scary monster.

So, yeah, gender roles hold little weight to me. Whether a five year old boy wants to pretend to be an army man or a hair dresser should be up to him, not his gender.

I consider myself one as well. Hence why i dislike SJ Ws so much since the bad ones always muck everyone's image up of it.

Quick question for my fellow Aspies who have had relationships: Most difficult aspect for you and your SO?

edited 29th Aug '14 8:52:31 PM by SmytheOrdo

my main problem with the last (and only) fling i had was that she had just as many psychological issues as i did, just different ones, and that combined with the fact that we were such different people meant the entire affair was pretty tumultuous throughout; she got mad at me a lot and i cried A LOT. this culminated in me eventually having a panic attack and her gradually distancing herself from me afterwards until it was made pretty clear to me that it was over.

even outside of the fact that i'm still not really over it (though it's gotten a lot better), it made it pretty clear to me that i have a lot of issues i need to work out before i'm capable of having a successful relationship with someone, mainly my huge inferiority complex.

edited 29th Aug '14 11:12:01 PM by wehrmacht

I have a question about a big issue.

There are those who say that society won't change and that we just need to adapt. This is easier for some (those who can learn and mimic social rules more easily) than others (such as lower-functioning, less socially aware Aspies). Those who can adapt best - that is, they either don't have or can easily suppress physical symptoms, make normal eye contact without being overwhelmed, and can make convincing small talk, and play the social games - become the Sheldon Coopers of society. Those who can moderately adapt - fake "good enough" eye contact, understand basic social rules, make decent small talk, but may be overwhelmed with faking normalcy - get low-paying but stable jobs (I include myself in this category).

Those who can't adapt (let's not forget that Aspergers is considered a disability for a reason) are the people who get fired from job after job, living on welfare if they're lucky; homeless if they're not. Those people are the majority of Aspies, and they are not "playing the victim role". Indeed, many are undiagnosed (particularly if from older generations, higher-functioning, and/or female), so it's not like they even know WHY they're in such a situation. They can't "hide behind a diagnosis" if they didn't even get it.

A scary thing is that you can't often tell which Aspies are in which category from something like, say, their communications online. I have encountered some Aspies online who are VERY socially disabled, very naive, and who I can easily see being manipulated and taken advantage of if they don't end up in a supportive environment. Such environments exist, but finding them is probably really hard in most places, and they're probably more rare in locations that know very little about autism. So there is a real problem.

Now, I've seen articles referring to the "tsunami" of unemployed autistic adults. We are finally getting recognized. We are, after all, affecting the economy! And I think governments would rather we be gainfully employed than on welfare. And so would we.

But times are changing in our favor. Companies that explicitly want to hire Aspies are popping up, for instance. Laws requiring companies to hire a certain percentage of disabled people have been proposed in some places, such as Germany and parts of the US. And there are the self-advocates, who sadly are not well-known by the general public despite being vocal. Finally, popular fiction is starting to portray autism/Aspergers in a sympathetic, nuanced fashion. It's important that people know that autism can range from Rain Man to Temple Grandin to Sheldon Cooper to Max Braverman, and that one size does NOT fit all.

What do you think of these developments? What do you think we could do to better get people to understand our difficulties and how our brains work differently? What will happen in the future?

Uh, Sheldon Cooper is kind of a bad example of someone who can convincingly mimic normal behavior. Like, really bad.

Hmm, then he would be someone who got a job in a company where the "social games" aren't played, then. And would actually be an example of the second category of Aspie advancing to the first category's outcomes.

Still, I think the rest of my point still stands.

I've been able to get a well paying job compared to what people in my age group usually get, and though I don't socially interact with people as much as my mom would want me to, I'm capable of doing things like small talk or conversation ; albeit I often have trouble starting said conversations . I think your over generalizing Bonsai

I've got a high paying job doing what I like, so I'm doing pretty well in that regard. I do get paranoid sometimes that I won't succeed because I don't interact enough with coworkers socially or something, but I've done fine so far.

The compulsion to lie is not an Asperger trait. It is something else, called Mythomania. In a way they can be polar opposites.

Gender roles...I disagree with Asperger/Autistic people "Not conforming" or "Not Agreeing" with them. They simply don't understand them. It is different. Social rules are not always very "logical" in a way, but it is part of society.

As for how things are going to end...society is an ever changing monster. Human societies have evolved a lot, but you gotta put it in context, really. For example, I noticed a curious thing on a program called "Child Genius", some sort of contest show where "Child Genius" kids are put on some intellectual tasks like spelling bees with complicated and obscure words and medical terms etc etc. There was a child there with Autism, with a rather optimistic look on entering the show. "Maybe I will finally have a friend!". Though he was eliminated, at the end of the show he was encouraged to "come out" to his classmates about his Asperger diagnosis. They were most receptive.

This is another sort of representation that can be seen and better understood to the public audience rather than, say, Sheldon Cooper (as edgy as these sort of contests tend to be, he did have very defining traits of Asperger/Autism, way more than Sheldon). So yes, things will likely change for the better as ASD is better understood and studied.

I doubt the outlook is as grim as you sometimes seem point it out to be, Bonsai.