General Autism Discussion

Speaking of false diagnoses, I read about adult autistics whose autism was totally missed and got diagnosed with something else. Like a man who was diagnosed with autism as a child back in the 1950s or so (therefore, you can imagine his autism was quite severe), and as an adult got put in a mental institution falsely diagnosed with undifferentiated schizophrenia. He was given drugs for his nonexistent schizophrenia, which only screwed him up and didn't help.

I watched a You Tube video from a woman whose autism diagnosis took forever to get. Her husband and their kid got diagnosed with autism long before she did, despite her having shown the signs even as a little kid. Male psychologists failed to believe she may have it, even after seeing her childhood videos. A female psychologist finally recognized it.

In other videos, she says she's had people mistake her for a pathological liar due to the eye contact thing. She's had problems with employment. I haven't checked out too many of her videos. Her name is something like "Rose Guedes" if you want to look her up on You Tube, and the video I described in the previous paragraph is named something like "How I fought for and obtained my Aspergers diagnosis: a case that was proven and won".

So is there an easy way to stop my stepbrother from screaming that he hates school early in the morning? Because how would you feel if your roommate woke you up screaming,"MAKE HIM STOP!" at sunrise? Because our mom told him that we're lucky that no one called the cops to arrest me after I explained to her that I was knocked out. And then he explained that he's was talking about someone at school not talking to him which caused mom to threaten to evict him before yelling at me for sleeping in and falling off his breakfast schedule (by an few minutes). Needless to say, there's hardly anything that I can do about it aside from spending an day at school with him (which isn't happening), but he's talking about stuff that happened months ago and we're convinced that nobody would recall something that occurred that long ago, since it's the middle of summer vacation and the school is closed.

I just got through searching the web for advice and all I'm getting was using that clicker from Jurassic World for positive reinforcement, how violent these people can be for living in their cages, and something about the forces of Satan possessing him because unlike society, Satan does not discriminate...Yeah...I'm not buying into the religious stuff because I literally don't an religion to go by and if I did, I'm an hypocrite because of my lifestyle. At any rate, I think the clicker is inhumane to use on an autistic 17-year old who recently figured out what the "smile and nod" routine meant when his teacher used it on him too many times. The "autistic rage" is an valid theory, but fortunately he isn't that violent. But I'm tired of losing sleep behind him and I can't get the "stop worrying what other people are thinking" message to him. I know that I can't blame mecury poisoning from vaccinations because the numbers don't add up and to me, autism is an behavioral and genetic issue, not an disease that's contracted from an invisible pathogen. But I'm running out of options when it comes to keeping my family intact and avoiding getting evicted from our apartment.

No.

My parents have been trying for months with my younger non-autistic brother and it has yet to show any evidence of success. So if there is a way, it's not an easy one fer sure.

The basic approach is to talk with your brother, help him understand the effect his morning rages are having on other people (you) and find some more productive way of expressing his anxiety. "Come and tell me what you are feeling" is the most common alternative that is usually explored. This means that, upon awakening, if he feels angry, instead of yelling he is to seek out someone and describe his feelings to them instead. This usually takes some time to learn, but if he's on the high functioning end of the spectrum, then he has he capacity to self-reflect and control his behavior, with guidance and support. I agree with you that the "clicker" is a dehumanizing and largely ineffective technique, but it isnt inappropriate for an authority figure (your mom) to impose consequences if he persists in his disruptive behavior. What those consequences are (usually loss of some privilege) and what behaviors will cause them to be imposed has to be fully discussed with him beforehand. Of course, it goes without saying that you, as his sibling, will have to observe the same rules and restrictions. It may be that you never lose your temper in that way, but having your mother discuss these rules with both of you together will make him feel more respected.

If you Google "Autistic Rage" you will find any number of resources pages. Here's one.

edited 11th Jul '16 6:00:17 PM by DeMarquis

I don't imagine you've considered duct-tape?

We've tried talking to him about this a few weeks ago that we can't do anything about stuff that happened an long time ago. And when we do get somewhere, it turned out that to be one of the following: He was getting worked up over something that turned out to be nothing, that someone was picking on him because he talks about video games at school (which probably happened an few months ago) and he expects us to deal with it today...while the school is closed, whining that his teacher was talking about him except that she wasn't, his classmates aren't socializing with him (remember, they are all in special ed), more stuff that came from him eavesdropping on people, claiming that he hates video games (which is an lie) on account that people at school were being mean to him, and he thinks that someone was making fun of him by confusing him by talking about an dictionary (I just got this out of him). But we can't just talk about it with mom since it gives her migraines because we can't do anything about this.

As for the punishments, well she did warn him if he keeps acting like this and he's already grounded from his games while I can't use the Game Cube or work on my webcomic because we share the same room and it'll ruin the point of his punishment. It's not the first time he's been punished like this, since he can control himself; but right now he's an nervous wreck by worrying too much about other people.

You need to repeat things in slightly different ways without getting angry. Telling him once or six times is not going to sink in. The fifty-sixth might, though. And, it's not because he's thick; multiplying two and two together when you've got dyscalculia ain't going to happen easily; ditto him and social rules and cues. <shrugs>

Things you find easy to process as trivial, he currently needs step-by-step instructions on until he gets it: there is no way around that.

And rules need to be clear, upfront... and repeated, as well as being shown consistently applying to everybody, too (including your mother).

Because he doesn't have emtional filters that know what to do, yet... getting explosively emotional at him won't lead to anything good. :/

edited 11th Jul '16 11:39:20 PM by Euodiachloris

Posted without comment for the consideration of the board.

And I quote:

Like what the hell?

That's...that's HORRIBLE. Deplorable, despicable, words cannot express it.

In good news funding for my diagnosis that been approved, so I'm finally actually getting my referral and going on a waiting list. Well I will be once they locate their copy of the funding approval letter, luckily my waiting list spot goes from when the letter was sent, not when it was located.

The fuck?

edited 24th Jul '16 6:03:16 PM by SmartGirl333

So after minding my own business this morning by playing on the 3DS, I just had the sudden displeasure of being swatted twice by an 460-page thick strategy guide and getting an set of fingernails in my left elbow. And after I pryed him off of me with my knee, I saw our mom walking into our room, belt in hand. She demanded to know what had occurred. I told her that he dug his fingers into my arm. It's pretty obvious what happened next...And he just sat there in an unflinching state while she hit him and yelling that the next time he does this, she'll send him to jail.

To make it so weird, he'd never acted like this before.

No. That sounded like a description of physical abuse. I did not hear that. I suspect someone is confused about who is more likely to go to jail.

What, is my family the only obe who still uses the belt nowadays? To me, that's one her ways of drilling her point into you.

Seeing as how the police just tried to shoot an autistic man last week for no good reason, I'm not so sure if that's the case.

And yes, at the very least, she should be the only one using the belt nowadays, if she has to use it at all, because most people (myself included,) consider hitting someone for any reason outside of sanctioned fights and emergency situations to be a big no-no. (Though as someone who has suffered a long personal history of familial abuse, I think I'm naturally more than a bit biased against this.)

edited 25th Jul '16 11:30:26 AM by kkhohoho

I should also mention that she only brings it out on us when simply yelling at us for an few minutes isn't solving the problems, and warning that she'll use it if you're stupid enough to try it again, and since this was the second time he attacked me this month; I'd say that he deserves it.

But with the way American society is going, I wouldn't be surprised that yelling at your children to verbally reprimand them will be legally classified as child abuse.

I don't want to get in a proper way to raise a family debate. I have strong, non-standard opinions on this. So form your own opinion.

But, here are some facts you can make use of afterwards:

• Domestic violence is an inherited trait. But not through genetics. It is a learned behaviour communicated from parent to child.
• The belt is a notoriously ineffective behaviour modification technique, and one that most psychologists think leaves a bit of emotional scarring.
• Yelling at people is not classified as psychological abuse. Especially legally. But under some circumstances, it is.

You seem like a responsible person. I think you should be taking control of this situation.

My grandfather was an abusive husband. My father stood up to him and ended the cycle of abuse. My father is a smart man.

Sometimes though, there's not even a proper cycle. Without naming names, I had a sibling who, from as far back as I could remember, verbally and physically abused me until I was 16, and they only stopped because they left the house. Since there usually wasn't physical evidence of said abuse, they tended to get away with it unless it was pretty darn obvious that the they had done it, and even if they were punished, they still wouldn't learn their lesson and kept doing it to me anyways.

The thing is though, there wasn't any ongoing cycle of abuse responsible for this. My father was and is still is a wonderful, loving, fair and honest man, even if he can a bit too stubborn for his own good at times. So there wasn't much if any abusive behavior for my sibling to really learn. They just did it because they could. I'm lucky that I could stop myself from turning it into an actual cycle, because truth be told, I nearly started beating my other sibling because I just couldn't take the abuse anymore, and even then, it still took me hitting him once to realize that I didn't want to turn out like them. But the point is, a cycle of abuse has to start somewhere, and it can start with someone doing it just because, eh, why not?

A much more in-depth article about the police shooting, if you want more details on the event and the aftermath.

To recap my morning: He wakes up me and mom with his moaning/screeching (over his classmates' habits) around and 8:30 and manages to put her in an bad mood. I feed him in the least-offensive way possible and I keep my mouth shut. He starts hitting his arm like he's trying to break it while he's reading, I tell him to stop doing it. I start searching the web as to why autistic people hit themselves, cue him attacking me in pure silence and mom separating us.

The good news is that I got the TV to myself. But how can I take charge with someone who periodically loses their sanity over the past?

I'm just gonna be blunt, if I knew your family I'd be calling Child Protection Services right now, your mother is at best incapable of managing your brother and resorting to bad tactics in desperation, at worst she's simply an abuser, either way your brother is clearly not safe or gaining any benefit being in a house with her.

Your brother is either so severely disabled that he needs professional round the clock care, of your mother is abusing him and driving him to act out, either way I'd be altering CPS.

edited 25th Jul '16 12:05:25 PM by Silasw

You know, I'm going to have to agree with you. I've been reading a visual novel recently that more or less has the same situation. Basically, there's a mother who just can't properly understand or take care of her 90% likely autistic daughter, so much so that she keeps on verbally and physically berating and abusing her. She does still care for her daughter, but that doesn't stop her from being an awful mother, and her daughter should probably be placed in Child Protection Services or at least somewhere that actually knows how to properly take care of her, because her mother just doesn't know how.

As much as I hate to say it Rabid, your family seems to be in the same boat, and if I knew them personally, I'd also be calling Child Protection Services ASAP. It just doesn't seem like your brother's in a safe or understand environment right now, and it also seems like your mother just doesn't know how to deal with them. The best thing to do then is probably just get rid of the problem altogether, because otherwise, you'd just be keeping both your brother and mother in a situation that isn't desirable for both of them, and that isn't even safe for one of them on a physical and emotional level either.

edited 25th Jul '16 12:17:17 PM by kkhohoho

Honestly, there are days where I wonder if there is an "normal family" out there whenever I think how dysfunctional mines is and compare them to one or two of my cousins and a few aunts. But then I realize that my situation can easily be an lot worse: Just add substance abuse.

I'm not sure if we can afford professional help for him since it's not exactly free the first we tried it a few decades ago. My counterargument to the "Get an job ya lazy bum!" is that I'm one of the few people who keeps him sane.

And what good will CPS be aside from tearing and charging us for their imprisonment?