So, what are you going to do about it?

-counts-

Aaah, this is going to end up on the top of the page, isn't it?

Alright, this might work just as well in the Insecurities thread, but this is more plotting out my thoughts than raging at the world for putting me in this situation, so here looks good.

It is a legal issue, so this will be as vague as possible.

So a while ago, some people did some things that made me hate them. Rather intensely. Largely because they were a rude introduction to the concept that just because something is illegal doesn't mean people will get in trouble for doing it.

Fast-forward a bit, and now the possibility of getting some kind of (legal) justice is on the table. The problem would be that it would mean dragging my emotions through the gutter, and frankly, I still hate them. Fury does not seem like an emotion I want in my heart when trying to get justice.

Ideally, I'd go through the tedious legal proceedings with no stronger feeling besides wanting to see the right thing done and set a precedent for people not being able to pull this kind of garbage again.

Those are already two things I feel, so great on that point, but unfortunately, other feelings keep making a stronger case. This one issue is almost solely responsible for all of the serious suicidal thoughts I've had in the past year; I have an unnerving amount of ragefor everything about it because of that one little detail.

It would be a good thing to see justice done and just have it be that, but giving myself a taste of vengeance might not be the best long-term thing. Also, stepping into a situation that I know makes me suicidal sounds incredibly stupid. On the other hand, it could take the power out of the situation and let me move on.

And I think that's about it. I don't know what I'm going to do yet, since I at least have time to think, but since it only came up today, and I am planning to have a fantastic weekend, I thought it best to get this out of my system. Until I have to do something, a great deal of prayer will probably be involved, and possibly actually making an appointment with a new counselor.

-whistles- I could have sworn my life was too boring to be this complicated.

i couldn't just leave you guys alone even when...gah.

@Chris: Getting respect you deserved from your aunt...sadly, there's nothing you could do anything about except outright ignore things that trigger your responses, and work on being a person that's trust-worthy—or be the person she could think of trusting. The only person you could control is how you view things, not her.

You could choose to make things easy for you by doing things you need to do, or wait for her to change.

And you wanting to make people laugh, heh. Things are already depressing so a person like you is a blessing. Wonder what kind of humor you have? XD

@immi: So it takes twenty-five posts to be a page-topper! Never knew that. Time to avoid pitfalls and thank goodness i didn't post. .____.

Are you absolutely sure this would cause you to be suicidal? Because chances are you wont be unless if you do let yourself be that way. You're already stronger right now, so don't be afraid due to your past tendencies! Keep your eyes open to the future even when it seems bleak! Do things that would inspire you more and get you more confident. Keep writing and reading in the meanwhile, talking to people who you could talk to.

Sadly I don't know what to say, other than you could get through this, just believe it.

Agh say that to yourself, Hachi, even when you're so drained and tired you want to curl up in a ball and nevet wake up. Rest will do me some good, and some hugging!

And smydro, forget Debren. You're coping better than how you were before with Jessica! XD

So lately I've been dealing with a lotta flashbackis to my ex.

Particularly to when we fought.

I've been trying to forget it, but the things she said...I feel like a worthless human being at times reflecting on them...that and I can barely enjoy the things we used to love doing together at times. Some days its so much better others not.

Anyone have any ways they make memories less painful.

This will sound really stupid, but remember all the bad times. Try to push aside all the good times. There's a reason why you guys aren't together, and that's because it wasn't meant to be.

but yeah, oherwise I feel like I'm doing a fantastic job off getting outta feeling sad about it.

In a weird roundabout sort of way, you'll feel sad about the past relationship, but you'll be happy that it was over, and move on quicker.

Ever since the relationship ended I've been a lot more suspicious of peoples actions and words towards me. It's cost me two friendships...one girl I went on 1 date with got kinda angry at me and called me a wimp and blocked me aftyer i told her it distressed me she ignored me. The other one blocked me after I questioned why she'd do things like only answer what I said to her if another fiend commented or something, and then why she deleted mty posts when they were harmless. Then again she rarely spoke to me so I dunno if it was worth it...but still ever since Jessica broke it off I've been VERY distrustful of mfemales and confrontational over the slighest erratic behavior.

@Smydro:You let it affect you, it might have contributed it to you being distrustful, but well. It's not their fault, and there's no point pouring on it.

You're blaming them for letting yourself get that way. Read it again.

So, what are you going to do about it, anyway? Do you want to get over and forget about it?

Sad thing is, you wont. All you could do is accept it happened, learn the lesson from it and move on. Okay? :3

Ugh. College is near, I'm nervous. I'm preparing all I can by enjoying my summer and reading...I hope it'd end well...

edited 29th May '13 12:30:37 AM by TheJinny

The First Cut Is the Deepest.

Moving on is gradual. I'm getting there but my memories still hurt a WHOLE lot.

And I'm not blaming anyone for anything, I just wish they'd act a bit less cold....

So I did what i was told to do and told her EVERYTHI Ng. EVERYTHING that hurt me and now i'm just praying i can forgive her.

Smythe, what you're feeling happens to most of us after a break up. We remember the bad moments instead of the good ones because we're hurting. I'm not surprised that you've acted like you have, you're hurting and have no idea how to deal with it, I did the same thing when I was 16 to a degree.

Just try and get your head back on straight, heartbreak is a horrible horrible thing, but the sooner you get through this, the sooner you'll come out stronger for it. Also, don't try and date again super quickly, because chances are it'll just be rebound and that will just make you feel bad and piss off the other person something fierce.

Also, don't try and be friends with an ex if your relationship ended badly, because you're likely to just end up fighting a lot and that just sucks.

How the fuck do I move on?

My friend to me yesterday: "she's right. Maybe not the nicest way, but she's right. You cant be hung up on her and thats good she doesnt want you to. I mean some girls I know string them along after a break up ya know the fact that she wants you to move on is pretty good tbh"

i feel like despite the fact I've been seeing a variety of new girls for various things, I haven't been happy with any of them the way i was Jessica...perhaps I am still hung up on her.

Or I'm shutting out my heart to prevent getting hurt again. I don't know.