Could you guys help me rebuild my life?

I moved to Brooklyn two weeks ago, with a job lined up fundraising for a political organization.

On Friday, I was dismissed for not being able to make quota. I was able to handle it decently well, at first. I spent the first three days sending out resumes to every place I could find that was hiring.

But four days later, my girlfriend back in Florida - who was planning to move up to be with me after she got out of college - told me that she no longer wanted to follow through because her “feelings had changed.”

That led to an argument where we ended it, and in a short follow-up conversation last night, there were serious implications that she has no intentions of ever talking to me again. So I told her thanks for the memories, and promised that if she meant that, it would be the last time she’ll ever hear from me.

On one hand, I understand. Our relationship wasn’t healthy, and had been on-again-off-again a lot n the past. There were periodic moments of euphoria, but basically, whenever we had to be separated for an extended period, we’d start fighting all the time. For the last few months, we were both having serious doubts and there were a lot of periods when we were both miserable.

But still, I’ve been barely functioning for the last two days. Today, I didn’t get out of bed until 5 PM.

So, here’s the situation I’m in now:

I have about three thousand dollars left in savings to last me until I find a job, in the most expensive place in the country. My rent is $640 a month. And I need to rebuild my life.

I’m already beginning. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to be hitting the streets handing out resumes again and working towards my dreams of writing comics and learning filmmaking in my spare time. On the emotional front, I’ve resolved to be alone as little as possible, attend some kind of (free or cheap) social function every night, and seek therapy if possible.

Also, I know someone's going to suggest that I just go back to Florida, but at this point, I would give anything to avoid that. (There are a lot of personal reasons, the temptation to reach out to my ex again being one of them.)

But I’m depressed and scared for my future right now. Any advice you could help with would be great.

And finally...

edited 20th Dec '12 3:23:20 PM by Wheezy

You could shack up with another troper for awhile, if you can find someone willing in Brooklyn. You can split the rent, and you have a place to stay until you get back on your feet.

That would be awesome if I could find someone. Not necessarily a Troper, but anyone trustworthy who has a place, that I'll hopefully get to know before I move in, and doesn't come from Craigslist.

For now, I'd suggest going to the nearest unemployment office, explaining your situation, and then going to housing authority.

And definitely keep looking for jobs. Even if they're not jobs that necessarily interest you—just look for anything that you could feasibly do in order to at least have some income that would help you pay rent and at least feed yourself until you can find some way to get back on your feet again.

Also, have you asked your parents for any advice?

Can't offer any help on the girlfriend front, other than to say how much that sucks and give you some sympathy. That's just gonna take time. I'm sorry it had to end so awfully, though.

edited 20th Dec '12 11:56:55 PM by 0dd1

As far as feeding yourself, food stamps if you can manage getting them.

To repeat what 0dd said, keep looking for a new job. If nothing else, you can at least get some income and a steady position from which to restart everything.

If you have any valuables and consumer goods you're willing to part with, (videogames, DV Ds, etc.) you could try selling some stuff on eBay for some cash in the short term.

edited 21st Dec '12 3:30:51 AM by Talby

Having never been in such dire sraits before, I'm not sure how to help you but I live in Westchester so if you need someone to talk to you can always ring me up (PM me if you want to). Or I could come up to the city one day. I'll get you lunch or something, least I can do for a fellow Troper.

edited 21st Dec '12 5:57:54 AM by HouraiRabbit

Thanks for the advice, everyone. This has nothing to do with it, I just need to unload some more:

I’m tempted to give up. And I’ve been wondering: What if I’m the wrong one in this situation?

Part of me just wants to pack my shit, go back to Florida, move back in with my mom, beg my ex for reconciliation, and never have to wait for a delayed train at a freezing elevated station next to a shouting hobo at two in the morning again.

But I guess that’s not the right path.

First of all, I did try begging. I admitted that I was wrong for starting an argument over her being indecisive about her feelings and not wanting a long-distance relationship, and that I wanted to still be friends, but she said there was no point because it wouldn’t change anything. I pleaded her not to cut me off at what was already one of the lowest points of my life. She just said “then get your shit together” and signed off chat. That’s when I did the whole thing with the thanking her for the memories and telling her I wouldn’t bother her again if she didn’t respond.

So deep down, I know I don’t want to go back to a place I hate, with no jobs, and have to debase myself for a chance to be with someone who apparently has that little loyalty or empathy.

But just about a week ago, she was saying she loved me more than anything in the world and wanted to get married. So there’s still the thought bouncing around thinks that if I would just break my promise and offer to come back to be with her, it would turn out that she’s probably just going through a temporary moment of anger, she’d change her mind, and that everything would be fine in the long run.

But still, I know that’s not true. We were unhappy for the last few months that I lived in Florida, too, so going back wouldn’t magically fix everything.

Also, there’s another setback. In two days, my family wants me to go to Washington D.C. for a few days to spend the holidays with them. (They’re paying for the tickets.) Not only will that completely fuck up my job search for a week or so, but I know my mom - who’s also coming up from Tampa for the occasion - will beg and shout at me the whole time to come live with her again. I already get ten text messages and five phone calls from her a day saying that.

(I’ve talked about it here before, but since it was a while ago, the short version is that my mom abused me for years, so that would be a bad situation, too.)

edited 21st Dec '12 10:46:07 AM by Wheezy

On relationship thing, on and off relationships are rather nasty. In other words, avoid them as much as possible by not getting into one again Its not going to suddenly become all rainbows and sunshine and work without same thing repeating just because.

On the job and living thing... Well, I honestly don't know because I haven't ever needed to think those kinds of things =/ But yeah, if you can find job its great.

edited 21st Dec '12 10:51:22 AM by SpookyMask

Oh Goddamnit, I'm so tempted to message her offering to move back right now. Someone stop me.

OK. Maybe I need to go outside.

edited 21st Dec '12 11:54:41 AM by Wheezy

Okay, try to delete her contact info and not regret it afterwards.

But yeah, you should probably do walking outside thing first.

I already did. But the problem is that I could look up an old Facebook status she liked, then use it to access her profile and send a message. But I won't... I'll promise myself.

edited 21st Dec '12 12:02:36 PM by Wheezy

Nothing I can say on the rent and job front except for the fact that you don't live in the most expensive place in the country.

Also if you want to go anywhere else, I suggest taking the train instead of trying to book a flight. It's cheaper, you get more time to contemplate, and you'll have to ship or buy large items anyway.

I think you should get used to being alone in a romantic sense. By all means, make friends and go to therapy. But you're going to be alone for three months and you might as well take advantage of rebuilding your life to start over better than you were.

If you don't find a job after two months, then you can throw in the towel.

Since you don't seem to trust yourself, tell your friends and family not to let you get back together with your ex under any circumstances. She left you stranded and unemployed in an unfamiliar place. That's past incompatibility. That's past unhealthy. She's a bad person.

edited 21st Dec '12 12:52:44 PM by Leradny

Well technically, I was the one who chose to come here, and I was the one who got fired. (I think I've mentioned several times that she's still in Florida.) And, to my regret, I was the one who started the argument that led to the no-contact agreement. So that part was all me.

She's just refusing to talk to me or provide any emotional support.

But I agree. She probably is. The signs have been there for a while, which is why our relationship was so troubled.

She's even admitted that she tends to throw people away when she's done with them, although she promised it would never happen to me because I was so much better than everyone else. Whatever the fuck.

And you know what?

If she never messages me again under her own will - not even to see if I'm surviving - then she'll just be proving she's a shitty human being.

If she does, disregard that.

edited 21st Dec '12 2:37:04 PM by Wheezy

That's what I meant.

Anyway, good luck on making it out in Brooklyn. It sounds like you need the space more than you need the money.

Romantic wise, fuck her.

Money wise, you could try an online stock exchange. It's technically risky (since you don't have much money to spare), but in all honesty, you'll almost never lose any money if you pay attention.

Also, technically, lower to midtown Manhattan's the most expensive place in the country, but you know, same city. Brooklyn is pretty close behind.

Edit: I'm going to admit that I'm still tempted to make contact. Yes, she's acting totally awful, but I still started the fight, and now I feel like I should try to fix what I broke. It's fucked up, but still...

I just don't know.

edited 21st Dec '12 4:19:45 PM by Wheezy

Maybe I'll just tell myself I'll do that someday, but never actually do it. I just have to remember, that's the same attitude the people who wanted to stay in Iraq had, and look where it got us.

But either way, I haven't been able to make myself leave the house all day. It's 7 PM and I'm still in bed.

What's the point? My few friends here are all busy, so no matter where I go, it seems like all I'll find are crowds of strangers and stores full of shit I can't afford. Fuck everything. Just fuck it all.

BTW: I hope TVT doesn't mind me using this thread as a journal.

edited 21st Dec '12 4:49:41 PM by Wheezy

If you don't trust yourself to make contact, stay in Brooklyn, delete her number, and delete your own facebook so you can refriend everyone except for her.

And don't compare this to war. You could have had it a lot worse. There is plenty of time for your situation to turn around.

To me, it doesn't really seem like your girlfriend is evil... just maybe a little harsh. I mean, nobody likes long distance relationships, so that was probably pretty hard on her as well. You moving might have seemed like a bit of a rash decision, and she might have felt like you didn't take her feelings into consideration. She probably loves you, which is why she's acting out. It was if she didn't seem to have any reaction to you moving halfway across the country, that I'd be worried about if I were in that situation.

I would probably continue the job search for a few more weeks, and mend things with her. If nothing good came my way, I'd go back home. Even if there aren't many jobs there, you'll at least have a place to stay until you find something. And you'll be near people that can help you if you need it.

She had plans to move in with him, and backed out at the last minute. His moving was not a rash decision—he had a job lined up, and only recently got fired. It wouldn't have been a long-distance relationship.

But like I said, I'm still pretty sure I want to wait and see if she'll say anything to me first.

Actually, it would've. It would have been at least a couple of years before she'd have the chance to move.

edited 21st Dec '12 9:21:51 PM by Wheezy

Not saying it was a rash decision, just saying that it might have seemed that way to her. She did back out of moving out, but it was probably for the best, looking at how the situation turned out. And he was gonna move anyway, regardless of whether she did or not.