Return of the Naruto Community Derail Thread: Part Two!

Also, I find his ultimate fate almost poetic - a man being obsessed with hands being dragged off to his doom by a whole bunch of them, with implications that some of them even were his very own victims.

He's not even truly dead though, he still lives on as a ghost.

So I just made a Tumblr account today. I'm following a few things, but I'm not sure what exactly to post there...Oh well, maybe I'll post snippets of fanfiction and drawings.

Run while you still can.

Clearly the creators of Friends are fan of Jojo.

She even got the pose right!

Of course, it's most likely just a coincidence, but hey, it's a hilarious thought.

So I got an idea for a young adult novel.

Warning: Cliches inbound

It's a story about a 12 year old boy (currently named Jonathan Johnson) who just moved into a new town. Johnny gets picked on by a bully, but he ain't gonna take that shit, and fights back. Then he gets a visit from the leader of school bullies. He uses some kind of strange power to beat the living crap out of the Johnny. But he never gives up and keeps fighting, even though he was about to die.

Then he hears a voice in his head, telling him to call out its name. After a bit of hesitation, he does. Upon calling out the name, with a burst of fire appears a muscular, half-naked man with a lion mask. Then the man in the mask shoves his hand down the leader bully's throat and pulls out a monster, and crushes its head. The bully tries to use his power again, but finds that he couldn't, and gets promptly knocked out by a flick from the man in the mask.

At home, the man in the mask explains himself. His name is Keigan Draka (temporary name), and he's from another world. He's the captain of a squad called the Praetorians, his king's guard. One day, the rebels killed the king and kidnapped the heir and ran off to Earth. Keigan and the rest of his squad followed them back in order to find the heir and bring stability back to his kingdom. In order to stay on Earth, though, they need spiritual energy from humans on Earth, so they need to make a contract with them. So if a human calls out their name, the contract is on.

So it's Johnny and Keigan's mission to find all of his squad, who are all scattered across the world, find the heir, defeat the rebels, and return to their world. LOTS of fightings ensue.

The Praetorians. They form links with human, and they mostly stay in spiritual form, but when the contracted human calls out their name, they appear in corporal form.

Uhm...they are totally not a rip-off of Servants. Totally not. Yeah... I did have Stands in my mind, though.

Anyhow, I've thought of two Praetorians so far.

• Keigan Draka - His element is fire and his ability is super speed and strength. So basically Star Platina meets Magician's Red, minus time stop ability Although playful and somewhat dirty at times, he grows into a father figure to Johnny (his parents are divorced when he was young).
• Sheridel Yuunji - Her element is ice, and her ability to use any weapon she constructs with her ice with expertise. She's rather adorable (basically imagine this girl◊), but she's the most blood-thirsty fighter in the story.
• Trena Rillian - Her element is light, and she uses a rapier that can't slice or pierce anything, but can cut out anything. She's very dangerous, but is a bit of a clutz and all around weird.

Oh God, I've thought of a lot of stories, and this has to be the most generic one ever.

edited 27th Aug '14 7:59:16 AM by dRoy

But who was phone?

Derpity derp, fixed it.

Sorry the urge to use that meme was too tempting.

Anyway Sheridel Yuunnji is a weird name.

Just felt like mentioning that.

Yeah, that's probably one of the more generic things I've read.

You should have a chapter every few chapters in first person narrative from the bully as he pieces together what's happening, and then in the last chapter he sneak attacks the main character in the spine with a kitchen knife because Liono Draka is a liar, he's no kings guard, he was siphoning Jhonny's energy like Tom Riddle's diary so he could escape his reality into ours.

Then you can write Young Adult Novel 2: A skeleton pops out boogaloo!

In this the bully feels bad about having to kill Jhonny, but shit, it was the only way to stop Keigan, so he brings him back as a zombie with amateur necromancy promising he'll make him properly alive once they stop those dimension hopping dickheads. They fight crime and Keigan's friends.

Then in book three to cap off the trilogy it turns out Keigan and his lot were escaping from some horrifying dark god who knows only hate so they might as well help the people they were escaping into while they were at it.

Then you announce in the back there'll be a book four, but the fame of being an internationally best selling author has gone to your head and you crash your gyrocopter into the Eiffel Tower, the only part written is the cryptic sentence, "and then jonny was teh demons"

Roy, that sounds like a plot of a 90's kids show , maybe even 80's. And yeah, totally not Servants eh?

You know what would improve thus story? Instead of a muscular dude in a lion mask (that's silly) make Keigan a cute chick with big boobies. Keep the half naked thing tho. Trust me it will be much more popular. Also make it so that at the beginning she doesn't like the main character much and looks down while at the same time getting very jealous when he so much as talks with another girl. Oh and the spiritual power transfer should require copious amounts of skinship.

Oh and instead of just staying in spirit form all the time she should start going to his school as a cute"new transfer student"sort of thing and cause him trouble by her lack if understanding of Earth customs

I have many more ideas if you want to know.

edited 27th Aug '14 8:48:25 AM by Shlugo_the_great

Shlugo, I...

don't like that kind of LN.

edited 27th Aug '14 8:57:51 AM by Ironypus

Yeah, I know you prefer big, muscular men, but trust me, when it comes to wider demographics, cute girls are the way to go.

@Irony - Now THAT'S what you call a twist.

Not nearly as interesting as that, but I do have few twists planned up.

There is a Lieutenant Arms Master (basically equivalent of rank of a major general) of Keigan's kingdom, who organized the search/rescue/execution team and sent them to Earth. Keigan and his squad (when they were all found, anyway) reports to him, and he frequently sends a secret force, Special Assistant Service, on Earth, to either give the squad supplies or clean up the mess that they make. He gives the squad an order to execute the traitors immediately upon seeing.

The reveal comes at either at the end of the first part or midway into the second part, that the truth is that it was the Lieutenant Arms Master who started a coup d'état. The "traitors" are actually loyalists who tried to stop it, one of which involving rescuing the next heir to the throne so LAM wouldn't kill her (oh yeah, it's a princess, but I will get to that later). But LAM killed the kings and framed it on the loyalists, so they had to flee the country and were building a plan to restore the kingdom.

LAM's plan was that when the Royal Rescue Regiment (current name) found the traitors, he would kill all of them, because RRR would prove to be a stumbling block of his regime. That's the real purpose of SAS - keep on eye of RRR, and kill them when they outlived their usefulness.

So the rest of the plot would focusing around RRR and the loyalists teaming up together and try to overthrow LAM. Johnny is NOT happy about having to be involved with all these.

........Nope, still generic. XP

@Shlugo - No! I demand that there is at least one beef-cake in my work!

As for all the moe-elements, that's pretty much what Sherinel is for. She is pretty much modeled after several girl group singers, particularly this girl. (for non-girl group savvy folks, she is a fairly well known idol singer in Asia]]).

Oh, and yes, she's going to enter as a new transfer student, simply because she wants to hang around Johny, Keigan, and her human contract......and troll the hell out of them and cocktease every male in school.

Yeah, in real life, she would be annoying as hell. XP

There can be a beefcake, but he has to die before the first book is over.

Actually...I have a better idea.

You know how much of YA readership is young girls?

Keep the beefcake all the way till the end, but make the beefcake not TOO beefy, just to the Chris Hemsworth level. And then make introduce another male character, who is handsome but in a softer way.

And have those two share a lot of homosexual subtexts.

Yeah. I hear money.

Don't forget to have ridiculous amounts of shirtless training sessions.

But make their fighting fucking badass.

You get both the girls and the boys.

Add camp and fabulousness, I might even get those in between!

Phew, do what, you want, but I'm telling you now, nobody will want to read about a boy and his musclebound magical dudebro.

Like I said, it isn't just about a boy and a dudebro. There's also a tsundere girl and her pop-star spirit friend.

Added some more details on this YA story that I mentioned above. For the time being, I will be calling the story The Celestials (if anybody got better names, I'm open for suggestions.

So, the main character is Jonathan Johnson. He starts off with two companions:

• Serena Eirwen^note  No, it's not some kind of Tolkien elvish name, as much it does sound like one, it's a Welsh name meaning ice - The human partner of Sherinel. She is a 15 year old girl, who is somewhat quite and extremely tough(for her, getting her arm chopped off is a minor annoyance) girl who is yet not quite a tomboy. She decides to join Johnny, because she wants to help the Praetorians with their goal...so she can get Sherinel off of her back - she finds her to be annoying as hell. Whether she would be a love interest of Johnny or not....eh.....

• Chris Miller - Another contracted man. He is 24 year old metrosexual man, who is a famous model and a co-CEO of a cosmetic/fashion company (hey, I've seen much more implausible competency in other works targeted for women and young girls than this). He decides to join Johnny and his crew, because he thinks Praetorians and their power are fucking awesome. He provides the team with support and sometimes connection. And male fanservice. Can't forget that. Also, let's not ask how someone as famous as him could run around getting into battles without being noticed by people, because honestly, do the kind of people who read YA novels even care about those kind of things?

• Gauss Howert - The Praetorian who contracted with Chris, element being earth. He's a 6m/20ft tall giant carrying dozens and dozens of cannons and rifles (that are also bottomless), making him basically a walking More Dakka. It can also shake off pretty much everything that is thrown at him, and outrun a sport bike. He likes pecan pies.

You're missing the very important character of Joey Jojo Johanson III the kind of annoying D&D minmaxer who shows everyone up with his power usage, calling them scrubs and telling them to git gud.

RWBY.

I wonder when this show will stop throwing questions and starting to answer them. It did answer one major question...but it was one of the most predictable answer in recent media history so it doesn't count.

What major question are you talking about?

Is Blake a Faunus or not?

Come to think of it, I'm not even sure if this counts as a question.