Shit our teachers say.

One time when I was a kid, I got into the habit of saying "budget cuts" because I thought those were Inherently Funny Words (I got it from My Weird School). My third grade teacher eventually had enough and said something to the effect of, "Say that one more time and I'll make you write it ten times." That shut me up.

Edited by Segal991 on Jul 4th 2023 at 4:52:17 AM

Do kindergarten teachers count? Because in kindergarten, one time the teacher accidentally played the first line of this song when skipping though the songs on a CD, and we all thought it was hilarious for some reason, so we started singing it constantly. Soon after, the teacher said "To get rid of [Hqami] singing the opening line, I'm going to play the whole song to you". I definitely wasn't the only one singing it, or even the first one? What??

When I was about five, or six, there was this conversation:

And I thought she was a bit of a hypocrite, since she was telling us to be nice in a kind of rude way.

Once when I was in the fourth grade, a boy was poking me and refused to stop, so I kept brushing his hand away in annoyance. The teacher scolded me instead of the kid and wouldn't let me explain, she just sent me to the corner as I cried. Sadly, I forgot to explain myself after my time-out was over, so the kid got away with his mischief (didn't help that he snickered to himself after I was sent to the corner).

Edited by Segal991 on Jul 4th 2023 at 7:02:06 AM

A teacher of ours once told us a secret involving someone she knew, yet ordered us not to tell it to anyone. Evidently, she couldn't keep it under wraps herself.

Edited by Segal991 on Jul 7th 2023 at 3:16:35 AM

In 7th grade, we had a substitute biology teacher who called us ”fucking freaks” and told us that he hated us all and we were the worst class he’d ever met. Even those of us who weren’t acting up or disrespecting him, but were genuinely trying to listen and learn, were lumped into that.

Sure, basically all my classmates were assholes, but I don’t think it’s very pedagogical to say that to a bunch of 13-year olds.

How did he get that job?

When I was in sixth grade, a teacher accused me of smirking at them even though it was more of a grimace.

No clue.

Speaking of substitute teachers; In 6th grade, we had a P.E substitute teacher one time who had, like, no chill: When the quietest boy in class leaned on a tree (Just leaned on it, nothing else), he yelled ”DON’T PLAY WITH THE TREE!”. And when he got fed up with some of the guys messing around, he dragged all of us into the classroom and yelled at all of us, as if we’d collectively acted up.

Again, why do people with no patience decide to become elementary school teachers? -_-’

Some of them abuse their authority, sad, but true.

Heh, one of my middle school teachers said, "This is bullshit!" (though I forget the context) to the students! We were both surprised and amused that a teacher of all people would say that!

There is a Swedish phrase about someone being "made of sugar", if they are afraid of stepping out in the rain. My gym teacher used to repeatedly say this to us whenever it rained during outdoor exercises, even when he himself would sit in his car. He would then say "As long as I'm not getting wet, neither will you".

Did I mention my art teacher in high school? I like drawing though I was never good at it especially in high school. He would praise the better students while ignoring the others, not giving us advice.

He also said we shouldn’t listen to music while doing art. I’d argue it depends on the form but this being a Catholic school I was going to, earbuds and headphones were forbidden. Didn’t stop our teacher from blasting the Beatles every other day.

Speaking of art teachers, my art teacher when I was about 7-10 was a Large Ham. She'd ramble on about correct paintbrush techniques and said that the paintbrush "doesn't like it" when you use it the wrong way.

One time, we were painting tiles to put in a kiln with this substance (ink maybe?) which she said "looks like paint, feels like paint, behaves like paint, NOT paint!". The blue ink(?) looked purple before being put in the kiln, so she said, and I quote, "Don't go, 'AAAHH! THE BLUE LOOKS LIKE PURPLE! THE BLUE LOOKS LIKE PURPLE!!'".

My graphic design teacher I had this year would always tell us first and foremost that every project we made had to be school-appropriate. And I mean, I guess that makes sense, but the way she kept telling us this every time we started a new project implies there's some sort of Noodle Incident that led to this clarification...

One project we did at some point in the year was photoshopping a tattoo design onto a person. The requirements included, again, "Must contain some human skin and be school appropriate" (yes, it was italicized if I remember correctly). When the teacher was going over the instructions with us, she even added "No excessive cleavage, no buttcracks, nothing like that".

Similarly, when we were making our t-shirt designs (with screen printing), the teacher was informing us that the dark room "is not for vaping or lovemaking of any kind". Uh... what the fuck?

That being said, she was definitely one of the best teachers I had this year, and it was one of my favorite classes as well.

There was one time when a teacher of mine in middle school had us make fake brochures. Whenever I had to erase something, even once, he made me redo the whole thing. Several times. It was quite a drag and I didn't like how picky he was being.

When I was in middle school, a teacher had a sign listing rules of the classroom. One of the rules was "no speaking in foreign languages". I think she was trying to keep kids from invoking Foreign Cuss Word, but what about any potential foreign exchange students?

One elementary school teacher of mine often used the term "excuse" to refer to explanations she didn't personally like. Her Insistent Terminology got annoying after a while.

Edited by Segal991 on Jul 17th 2023 at 4:05:13 AM

In middle school, I was introduced to the joy of locker combinations. (I ended up not using my locker at all in high school because it was such a pain in the ass and because at some point I just completely forgot where my locker was.)

What I remember the most was one time in 6th grade where I was trying to get my locker open, and a teacher asked me in such an accusatory way "Are you trying to pre-set your locker?" ("Pre-setting" is entering the first two numbers of your combination early, and then entering the last one when you next need to open your locker. We were told not to do this early in the year.)

Never understood those teachers who were just looking to find something bad that you were allegedly doing.

We've probably all had this happen to us; when our teachers only give us half credit on a math problem because we didn't do it their way even though our answer was correct. One teacher of mine in elementary school took it to another level; she got it all twisted and ratted me out to my parents, claiming that I said "but I don't wanna do this" even though I never said anything of the sort.

"Do not be insubordinate today" — A principal yelling at my friends and I for goofing around in senior lounge. It quickly became a running joke among our group.

My 7th grade special education teacher was full of these. One of many reasons why middle school sucked for me.

A major thing I remember included her being such a Misplaced Kindergarten Teacher, to the point in which she used the "green, yellow, red" behavioral system (where your name would be on green normally, but it'd be moved to yellow/red if you misbehaved - hell, I don't even really think this is a good idea for young kids). Needless to say, that system did more harm than good, and it was basically a daily occurrence for someone to get even more upset than they already were because the teacher started moving them down.

Also, despite being a special education teacher, she often punished kids for showing symptoms of their disabilities. Despite being pretty well-behaved, I got in trouble a few times for things like... daydreaming.

One of the biggest "what-the-fuck" moments, though, was the time she insisted she knew what was best for all of us because apparently both of her kids are autistic. Y'know, like every single disabled person is the same...

Man, that teacher's fucked up.

My special ed classes aren't that useful but they weren't that bad as that one teacher.

I also have a bad seventh grade story.

One time during that year, in the middle of the winter, the assistant teacher I had and I were working together, and because I just so happened to need to blow my nose at that very moment, she suddenly exploded into anger and even gave me a "The Reason You Suck" Speech. She accused me of, by wearing short sleeve shirts in the wintertime, that I was deliberately trying to get sick so I wouldn't have to go to school, which according to her, would make the other students have to work harder in my absence, which also according to her, makes me a terribly selfish jerkass who doesn't think or care about other people.

To this day I still can't begin to describe how disturbingly cynical that sounds, and also how hurtful it is that she apparently thought that way about me.

Yeah, she was... fucked up, to put it nicely.

My special education class in high school (which for me was mostly just a study hall) was significantly better, though. I do remember there being one teacher there who acted like a Misplaced Kindergarten Teacher and kept on trying to get me to talk to her by complimenting absolutely everything I owned (e.g. "That's such a cool backpack! Can you tell me where to get one just like that?") to the point in which it almost sounded sarcastic, but I thankfully never saw her again after freshman year.

Edited by punkcrow on Jul 17th 2023 at 10:58:24 AM

There was this one teacher I knew who really liked his own name; he often ordered us to begin sentences with his name to address him. Even if you began a sentence with "hey, excuse me" when you were trying to get his attention, he'd ask you to restart because "'Hey, excuse me' isn't my name!"