How do I communicate this idea?

I've run into a bit of a snag in my writing. It sort of has to do with my premature criticism topic, but it's slightly different.

I'm trying to get it to seem like Humanity has bitten off more than it can chew in my fic, but the audience doesn't seem to be picking up on it.

I don't see how I can be clearer than I already am. I've done things to show human arrogance is involved, I've even gone out of my way to point it out. There is nothing more I can do other than write "This is humanity being arrogant", which would sound bad.

The readers just aren't picking up on it. Advice?

Firstly, details would help if you need advice. What sort of "bitten off more than they can chew" are we talking? Did they tangle with a greater empire than their own? Awaken an Eldritch Abomination? Invent something they couldn't control?

They traveled to an unknown galaxy and declared war on an enemy they should be able to beat with ease just so they could gain favor with the local government. This is still a pretty reckless decision, and the reviewers call it out, but the point is it's supposed to be a reckless decision. It's not meant to be a bad thing, it's part of the story.

How do I show that it's supposed to be that way? If I don't, they'll think it's just poor writing when it's setting something up.

My point is the readers aren't picking up on any of the philosophical undertones of the character's actions.

edited 8th Jun '12 4:45:33 PM by TheProffesor

Have some of the character's more level-headed underlings gripe about his idiocy in the mess room, but not bring it up to him due to risk of court martial? Somebody rash enough to start a war like that certainly wouldn't blink at throwing a crew member in the brig — or worse — for telling him something he didn't want to hear. So give the reader a look at the people who know they're about to do something stupid, but are powerless to stop the madness they are playing a part in.

Then you have to explain why this idiot isn't mutinied against, of course. Loyal, slathering yes-men, a chain of command that values unquestioning obedience over competence... possibilities abound.

edited 8th Jun '12 4:54:59 PM by KillerClowns

Well, the point is that all humans feel this way. Human arrogance is going to lead to their downfall. They are arrogant enough to believe that they could pull something like this off, and that arrogance is going to lead to their downfall. It's one of the themes of the story.

As a matter of fact, the person in charge of this is very competant, his idea seems perfectly feasible on face value. It's just an unnecessary risk that if they had been more conservative they wouldn't have taken.

edited 8th Jun '12 5:02:09 PM by TheProffesor

"Most," I could believe, albeit only with the caveat that humanity's government would have to be good 'n' fucked up. But I'm sure you can add two or three poor bastards in engineering who aren't quite as brainwashed as their peers.

[rant]If your plot requires the leaders of humanity to do something your initial reviewers realize off the bat is stupid, sure. Incompetent governments are a thing, and they've gotten control over superpowers before. (Let's not try for specifics.) But if your plot requires the entirety of the human race to agree with a decision that an ordinary reviewer from 21st-century Earth knows is a bad decision, it's a bad plot.[/rant]

edited 8th Jun '12 5:05:24 PM by KillerClowns

It's not the entirety of the human race, it's a select group of people, so I would say it's not a bad plot. Should I just continue on and hope that if I elaborate more in the next chapter it will make more sense? I suppose I could add a few disenters, but not much.

edited 8th Jun '12 5:09:41 PM by TheProffesor

Alright, noted. Guess I misread you there. But again, what's the problem with showing someone outside this select group off the bat, even if they lack the power to change the course of humanity?

No. First impressions matter, in everything. If the first chapter makes people shake their heads and wander off, the rest of the work will have to be really good to earn you any "It Gets Better" recommendations from those who stick around.

Advice taken. Fortunately, I already have plenty of followers, so I think I can recover from one mediocre chapter. It's not totally horrible, so I think it's salvagable.