Is it seen as a bad thing for guys to turn down sex?

Unless you've had awesome sex(or just fucked for the matter) you really can't comment, because you don't know what you're missing. It gets worse when those individual individuals begin view the act negatively; the brouhaha we had with drinking a while back springs to mind.

So yes, if we're speaking in.general terms, a man who turns down sex will be viewed with surprise and possibly concern.

edited 3rd Apr '12 4:41:16 AM by Kino

"I don't like onions."

"Everybody likes onions. You just haven't tasted a great onion."

"I don't think onions are great. I prefer other foods..."

"CLEARLY YOU CAN'T COMMENT ON ONIONS UNTIL YOU LIKE THEM"

edited 3rd Apr '12 4:50:26 AM by MostlyBenign

^

That isn't what Kino said. Kino is saying that if you've never had onions, you can't really say they taste disgusting. Drop the attitude, the point being made isn't for people who've had sex and went "meh". It's for people who've never had it. It'd be like someone who's never been to Afghanistan trying to school me on Afghan culture.

I'm more saying that if an attractive partner just walked up to you and said they would take care of it and it would require no effort on your part and you would have a great time, and you said no, I'd question why exactly you said no.

I'd love to do all sorts of nasty things to a few famous celebrities for instance, by I would never actually try.

edited 3rd Apr '12 5:00:34 AM by Barkey

That would be a valid criticism, but what's being said is "if you haven't had good sex, you can't comment on it". The "good" is the problem; the argument is formulated so as to automatically disqualify any disagreement.

Barkey, what if the conversation went something like this:

"Hey, let's have sex. I'll take care of everything, and I'll make sure you have a good time."

"Thanks for the offer, but...I don't really know you that well. Honestly, I'm slow to open up to people, and unless I know I can trust you I probably won't be able to enjoy myself."

"How can you say that? Have you ever even had a fling before?"

"Well...no, but other times I've done intense things with other people I barely know, it hasn't been fun for me...I've felt more overwhelmed than exhilerated. Sex is great and all, but I can't just jump into things like that. It's not you, it's me."

What do you think? Is the person turning the other person down ignorant, or self-aware? Does the gender of the speakers matter?

But what does that have to do with anything? I mean, you, Kino, Martello etc. here complain about Virgins complaining about sex but yes, honestly spoken, many of those just can't get sex and don't turn it down, heh, so it's not like the thread is about them. Yes, sex is awesome. Still, if a man turns it down, it's his and only his business. I mean we also accept it in the case of women.

edited 3rd Apr '12 5:15:04 AM by Octo

"You must have onions! They taste good!"

"But I don't want onions."

"HOW DARE YOU! YOU NEVER HAD ANY HOW CAN YOU KNOW THAT YOU DO NOT WANT IT ROOOOOAR!!!!111"

That's what I'm getting from all of you.

edited 3rd Apr '12 5:27:39 AM by IraTheSquire

As someone who often has amazing sex, I can say that I wouldn't engage if I wasn't in the mood, and the mood doesn't strike me daily or anything.

The default state for me is not that I'd easily come to be in the mood for sex if it was suggested to me, and yes I know that there are lots of people who do easily get in the mood for sex.

This is something entirely subjective, just as you might really like action flicks but just don't wanna see one when you're not in the mood for an action flick, even if you got free tickets to a 3D showing.

Everyone accepts that you can really like something and even be a specialist in it and still not be in the mood for it all the time; I don't see why it should be seen as surprising for someone to refuse something they really like. It just means that they don't happen to be in the mood at that moment.

Why that should be different when it's a man being offered sex is something I just don't see.

@Octo: Hey, it's not really my busniess as to who and if you fuck; what you do at home is your problem. Regarding the premise of this thread, if a man is offered sex and turns it down, he's definitely going to.get a few WTF looks.

That's how the world works.

^well that depends on who is offering it.

@Ira, Carciofus and Mostly Benign - Your various overexuberant strawman arguments are getting annoying and aren't at all what I'm saying. Nor do Barkey and Drunk Scriblerian make those arguements as far as I can tell, but I'll let them speak for themselves.

First of all, onions are just one vegetable among many. They are delicious, and are used in countless wonderful recipes. I just made salsicce with peppers and onions for dinner last night, in fact. But you can't compare onions with sex because it just sounds stupid. Don't throw my pizza metaphor back at me, because that refers to how good sex is in general, not actually comparing sex to eating pizza.

@Ira specifically - "Ever tried dying?" Give me a fucking break. It's not even close to the same, and throwing out a strawman like that just makes you sound ridiculous. The rest of that post just sounds extremely specific and I can't comment because I've never been in that situation. Also more or less a strawman.

And then you bring up some random news story about a Nigerian woman who had sex with men and then had her male cronies rob them. Oh yeah, you're right, that shit happens all the time! That's why I had to buy a new laptop, because some broad I took home sent her boys over two nights later and they stole it! Wait...no, I actually just spilled water on the keyboard. Huh. Nope, I've never been robbed, period, and I've never had a one-night-stand girl send people over to my house, or suffered any consequences after of any kind.

You might as well just say, "but what if the woman has one of those Rape-Ex devices in her vagina?" C'mon. Stop bringing up absurd scenarios that add nothing to the argument. What I'm "getting from you" is: "I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SO I'M GOING TO MAKE ABSURD COMPARISONS TO FOOD AND DREDGE UP OBSCURE NIGERIAN NEWS STORIES!" Spare me.

And now I'll open my hard black heart for a minute and say this - sex is definitely much, much better when there's an emotional component involved. The last time I was in a relationship, the sex was worlds better than it has been with the various casual encounters since then. Granted, she was gorgeous and very experienced, despite being a little younger than me, but I also actually loved her. That makes a difference. I don't know why, but it does.

Yeah the thread already came to that conclusion. Still, there's a difference between "That's how the world works" (it is, I agree) and, well, approving it.

I'm kinda more concerned with that people think of the example in Bokhura's post than anything else right now, since it's a philosophy I can get behind. (Well, aside from the "It's not you, it's me." That's just cheesy, man )

edited 3rd Apr '12 8:04:08 AM by 0dd1

Done intentionally to play with gender stereotypes.

Ah, my catchphrase. Now you're speaking my language.

So, to sum up: It's not that good sex is relative, but that not everyone will have to opportunity to have mind-blowing or even halfway good sex — and whether this is even worth fretting about, I don't know.

edited 3rd Apr '12 10:06:29 AM by johnnyfog

I was set up like that when I was a teenager, and would've been blackmailed with rape if I had gone through with it considering what actually happened, so don't give me that crap about this doesn't happen. You keep telling me that I don't understand what sex feels like, and now I tell you that you have no idea how it feels to have a reason not to have sex, because you've never experienced anything that would stop you from doing so.

Also, I don't care what you guys do. It's your life and I heard that sex can be fun, so fair enough. But you lot are also agreeing with the idea that men who choose not to have sex for whatever reason should be looked down on and trampled. Who the heck gave you the right to look down and belittle others who made a choice different to you own?

edited 3rd Apr '12 3:02:33 PM by IraTheSquire

Because ST Ds and unwanted pregnancy are both possible negatives of sex, and that's been drilled into us time after time by the media/parents/etc., just as that feeling of ecstacy or whatever is a possible positive. We don't have to have had it in order to know that's an possible outcome.

Going to have to go with this:

Everyone is interested in more money. Money is a necessity in life, much, much more than sex is. If a bunch of money (legitimately) fell into someone's lap, the vast majority of people are not going to turn it down. If a complying woman falls into the same lap, there are still people who are going to say no.

Whether guys want to turn down legitimate sex is their business, regardless of whether they are virgins or not. Some guys are just not interested.

Judging others is inherently something people don't need permission to do. I can judge you all I want, and there isn't shit you can do to stop me. You have the freedom to judge me as well, and disagree with me.

I have the right to look down on whoever I damn please, just as I have the right to disagree. It's the most inalienable human right.

If that's what you think, fine. I don't see there's anything further to discuss (what can I say when somebody tells that they believe they have a right to do something I found morally repulsive without me calling names?). Thank you for letting me know what kind of person you are (as you've mentioned, I have the right to judge you, though strange that you guys seem to be scared shitless of me judging your lifestyle, despite the times that I've said I don't care what you do) and what kind of people are trying to persuade me to have sex on this thread here.

edited 3rd Apr '12 6:55:42 PM by IraTheSquire

Oh, please. Looking down on others is a terrible thing to do. Elitism is practically a deadly sin if there were internet ones.

Fact of the matter is, ever person has a right to their own opinion on sex. There are some people who are always asexual and are not interested in sex no matter what. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Saying there is ludicrous and is extremely disrespectful to their preferences.

edited 3rd Apr '12 3:10:22 PM by Hydronix

^^

They have their opinions, and I have mine. If I think theirs sucks, life goes on, they can say mine sucks.

Just stating my opinion, doesn't make it any more or less right or wrong than the next one on a matter like this. You think it's terrible, I think it's a natural. You think there's nothing wrong with that, I disagree.

edited 3rd Apr '12 3:14:54 PM by Barkey

I've met asexual people who have tried sex and pretty much didn't like it. Are they actually wrong for not liking something they've experienced?

That's the problem. They're not and they can't be.

Also, by that degree, all opinions suck, no exceptions. Yours is just as bad as ours. But they aren't wrong either. That's subjectivity for you.

And yes, looking down on people is objectively bad. It's making it sound like it's perfectly okay to treat people like dirt. It's not. It's horrible and always will be. Elitism is a terrible thing no matter how you slice it.

Natural and wrong are not mutually exclusive, but that's another topic for discussion and we'll derail this thread if we go further.