Is This An Unreasonable Response?

I'm tinkering with a new idea (yes, again, I know, shut up), but before I invest anything in it, I must know if this sounds stupid.

The protagonist starts out as your standard Chosen One, marked as the only one capable of wielding a magic sword (which no one has touched due to it being sacred to the order, which becomes important later). He's recruited and sent on his merry way to fight demons threatening the earth, ladida, everything is horribly cliche barring the rest of the team using military grade firearms (because in this setting that actually works, the sword just kills them faster).

Then, during a conflict in which the hero must make a Sadistic Choice to either save his family (who is pretty sure he's dead) or save his teammate/love interest, he chooses to save his teammate, sacrificing his family. But sadly, the power of main characterism isn't enough to win, and out of desperation, he hands the sword over to his teammate, a far more experienced sword-fighter, and it's discovered *gasp* the sword will actually work for anyone. The order was just being a gaggle of superstitious idiots.

He's discharged from the order (who think it a favor to him, since he never wanted to be a part of this anyway), and the sword is handed over to his love interest, who takes up his duties. Outraged by the meaningless loss of his only family and the only remaining purpose he had in life, not to mention what seems to him to be a betrayal from his love interest, he walks the earth for a couple years and returns, new, improved, Drunk on the Dark Side, and itching to start the biggest Roaring Rampage of Revenge he can manage.

Does this seem somewhat justified (not from a moral, but rather, an emotional stance), or does it make the quote unquote "hero" look like a whiny, selfish, and sociopathic little bitch?

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial

It could be played well or badly. Insert Stock Writing Advice #1 here. *

I think it could be good, but you'd have to develop the protagonist's emotional stance just right.

Shinigan (Naruto fanfic)

He basically is forcibly drafted, and the only one there he really trusts and likes is the aforementioned love interest, who does from time to time express vague, almost jealous interest in the sword (but not in the way he later grows to think). They bond, and she convinces him to see things theur way over time.

By the time that battle comes around, he's almost accepted his role and come into his own as a hero. Then...

edited 7th Feb '12 2:39:28 PM by KSPAM

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial

If, after the event, he's immediately discharged and treated as useless without regard for his preferences, then I'd even be sympathetic to him, never mind understanding his emotional state. The interaction between him and his former teammates and Love Interest would have to be explored. Having them count him out as well would add fuel to that fire.

Shinigan (Naruto fanfic)

I was going to have him immediately discharged, yes. And while his other non-love interest teammates do regret it somewhat, they figure he got his wish to be free and promptly decide not to give a shit (probably because no one told them about what really happened that night, only the love interest and the hero know, and she's being coerced into keeping it a secret by the higher ups).

Understandably, he's a bit pissed when they do nothing for him despite his loss.

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial

Could it work? Yeah, I think it could. I don't even think it's necessarily a great struggle to make it happen, given that sufficient focus is applied to the character in question.

Will it work? Dunno, I don't know your writings well enough to say how this plays with your strengths (whatever those are) and weaknesses (if you have any).

Nous restons ici.

Yeah, seems reasonable to me. He basically had an identity as a hero forced on him, which led to a major tragedy for him, and then had that same identity stripped away from him when he was already feeling emotionally vulnerable. The fact that his identity was effectively usurped by his love interest, who he made a major sacrifice for and who has since more-or-less abandoned him, would only make it worse.

Probably would make a guy snap.

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It's a better start of darkness than Darth Vader got.

Agreed. This premise looks like it can be pulled off.

Would one reason people want the mechanics of the sword-switch hushed up be because some (or one) of the higher-ups are related to the crazy, wannabe-prophetic idiot who came up with the bogus Chosen One myth/ theory in the first place?

If they still have major political power partially due to that relationship, things would splinter politically if the news got out... I could see that as the engine behind the hush. Bonus points if ex-partner is also from a minor branch of that family. Or her mother was, or something.

Would also explain the rather covetous looks directed at the blasted thing in the first place.

edited 8th Feb '12 3:11:50 AM by Euodiachloris

I don't know if this is in the cards yet, but I'm suggesting the Order mandates an Orwellian response to the switch-up: officially, the teammate/love interest was always the Chosen One, so they can maintain the appearance that the prophecy was never wrong. I mean, it's clear to everyone at the epicenter that this is BS, and the former protagonist was most definitely the one said prophecy picked, but they bend over backwards to make it look as though it was her retroactively (that is, changing her circumstances - or at least how they're reported on the books - rather than the prophecy itself).

In short: play up the Order's power and jackassery as high as the story's integrity can tolerate and your protagonist's fall into Order-smashing villainy will probably meet with applause. Just remember that his (former?) friends have to remain blameless in this equation - or at least plausibly ignorant of the crapstorm they've inadvertently triggered.