Please read the rules below before posting. We're taking turns to post text, and text posted out of turn will be hollered.
The discussion over at the "Is being Troperiffic a Bad Thing?"
thread got a few of us seriously talking about starting a full-fledged, free for all dedicated ConCrit thread. Thanks go to your friendly neighborhood Herald, Chihuahua0, for giving this the go-ahead 
This is how it's going to work:
- This thread is for helping people improve as writers. Please stay away from needlessly gushing or needlessly being mean when handing out criticism.
- No mentioning your own work when giving out criticism. This is to prevent "Let's talk about ME" derails.
- Feedback will be given to one person at a time. We're taking a deliberately slow pace; a person's turn to get feedback is generally supposed to last a week, but we're not ending someone's turn until they get feedback from at least five different people. On the other hand, the person getting feedback can end their own turn if they figure they're done.
- When a turn ends, we wait 12 hours to see if anyone of the people who have just given feedback wants to be up next. If they don't, we pick the person up next from the feedback request list.
- Yes, it's okay to point out spelling and grammar errors made by the person you're giving feedback to.
- If you're unfamiliar with the original verse of a piece of Fan Fiction up for feedback, pretend it's a piece of original fiction and criticize accordingly.
- If and when you step up to receive feedback:
- Post actual writing (not world-building, concepts, layouts, character lists and so on).
- Be specific in what you are looking for, or at least mention what is troubling you the most.
- Fan Fiction is fine, but take into account that anyone not familiar with the source material will judge your piece "blind", essentially by the same standards as original fiction. This means you might get called out on flaws that fan fiction usually gets away with in practice, perhaps even justifiably so. Just like any other kind of criticism, consider it or ignore at at your discretion.
- Be ready to hear some things you probably didn't want to hear. This should go without saying, but, please: No being bitter, being sarcastic, calling people out for "going too far" or otherwise expressing disapproval of the criticism given to you. If you think people are being unfair to your writing, make your case civilly.
With that said, I suppose we can begin and see whether this goes anywhere. The first person to respond with a post to the extent of "I'll go first" will go first.
edited 17th Feb '12 5:07:01 PM by TripleElation
Yeah, Ewolf, there's no rule stating you can't, but I would agree that you should only post one story for critique at a time. It'll keep both you and the people who offer you critique from getting confused, or from having to switch gears back and forth.
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
Virile Member
Possibly, I'll also want to submit something for review. But first, sugarp1e1's work.
edited 3rd Nov '16 11:12:22 AM by InigoMontoya
"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is 0x29a."
MIA
ok so i have another question, when's my turn? like after a week or after your finished reviewing the previous person?
MIA
Virile Member
After sugarp1e1 is satisfied with the feedback she has received, or in any case after five people have given feedback.
Then any one of those five can ask within 12 hours to have their stuff reviewed.
Then we go to the list, which is empty at the moment. Then, presumably, anyone who asks can receive feedback.
That's how I understand the rules anyway, someone correct me if I'm wrong...
edited 3rd Nov '16 1:47:15 PM by InigoMontoya
"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is 0x29a."
Campeador
Yes, that's how it's supposed to work.
If you want your work to be reviewed, then put your name on the feedback list. When Sugarp1e 1's turn is over, you'll receive a PM telling you it's your turn. If both of you added your names to the list, then we'd go with Inigo first and then Ewolf. That's because Inigo was one of Sugar's reviewers.
By the way, maybe we need to discuss how to handle "overtime" note .
How many commentators is Sugar up to so far?
MIA
well i did but it seems to be empty for some reason.
MIA
That's because you placed %% before your entry- that's comment markup and prevents stuff from actually showing up on pages. I fixed it, and also fixed the linking markup. Check the history of the page to see what was originally there and what I did.
Also, we have... Cid, DeMarquis, Inigo, and me, if my two comments about one tiny aspect of the story count. So, either three or four people have offered critique.
edited 3rd Nov '16 4:57:40 PM by CrystalGlacia
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
Razzin-Frazzin Robot
I have a series of scripts I've written, but I'd prefer to share them privately rather than publicly. So, anybody's interested in critiquing a script for an animated series, could you PM me?
If that's the case and you'd prefer to keep the entire critiquing process private as well, your request may be better suited as a pitch to the Writer/Critic dating service thread. (Which is also pinned in Writer's Block.)
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
Queen of the Snakes
I just need some feedback on the remaining two chapters and I'll be good to go.
But if the critiques about those chapters will be pretty much the same as the rest, then I'm fine moving on.
Ryoko.
Virile Member
Crystal, I put the % %, not ewolf, because the only people listed in there had already received feedback. I assumed they no longer needed to be listed there. Apologies if this created confusion.
edited 4th Nov '16 12:37:59 AM by InigoMontoya
"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is 0x29a."
Virile Member
Sugar, can you allow commenting on the Googledoc?
"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is 0x29a."
Queen of the Snakes
Virile Member
Turns out I was using the wrong link. Thanks.
"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is 0x29a."
Virile Member
I may have sounded a bit... irritated towards the end. Sorry.
IMO, the prologue was far superior to what I just read (chapters 3 and 4). You need to think things through. The interaction between the characters often simply doesn't make sense, or doesn't feel genuine. There is a lot needless aggressiveness between them, which is strangely quickly forgotten. You're trying to build up conflict to stimulate the reader's interest, but it doesn't work because you're way too obvious about it. Related: Tedrick's incredulous rhetorical questions ("Really?", "What are you talking about?", etc) make him sound like a total idiot.
In short, this needs a lot of work. It's never an easy thing to hear, but still better than the alternative.
"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is 0x29a."
Queen of the Snakes
I'll wait and see if I get more feedback before I rewrite anything. It's easier than changing it every time any other person comments on it.
Ryoko.
Virile Member
No argument there!
"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is 0x29a."
Virile Member
I've given this some more thought, and it seems to me that you could solve many of your problems if you forgot for a moment that you're writing fiction. Don't try to shoehorn tropes into your work, don't even try to go for a specific tone or emulate a certain genre. When you interact with us on this thread, you sound smart and nuanced. Your characters need more of that, they need to sound (and think) more like you, or people you know in real life, and less like action film heroes.
"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is 0x29a."
Queen of the Snakes
The was more apparent in the Prolouge, wasn't it?
In any case, I'm still waiting for some more feedback from other users.
Ryoko.
MIA
i got nothing i'm afraid but i do see where ingio is coming from. your characters do come off as little to aggressive for no good reason.
MIA
Virile Member
No, I was mostly thinking of chapters 3 and 4, which I had just read, when I wrote that.
"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is 0x29a."
Queen of the Snakes
Chapters 1 and 2 are okay though?
Ryoko.
Virile Member
Couldn't say, I only read the prologue and 3 and 4...
"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man; and his number is 0x29a."
I think it's better to post one work at a time.
But I want to wait a little more to see if I get any feedback about the remaining two chapters.
Ryoko.