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WTF news headlines.:

 76 Bur, Sat, 29th Sep '12 6:42:28 PM from Flyover Country Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
...I certainly hope so, though not everyone in the cemetery being dead is worrisome. Hopefully they will be visitors and not residents.

edited 29th Sep '12 6:43:49 PM by Bur

 77 Pykrete, Sat, 29th Sep '12 8:40:33 PM from Viridian Forest
 78 Nick The Swing, Sun, 30th Sep '12 11:07:47 AM from Ya really wanna know? Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
BFS Enthusiast
[up] What...the...hell...?

I mean, why? Why would you...how would you...and he's...why?
 79 Bur, Sun, 30th Sep '12 11:29:21 AM from Flyover Country Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
I liked the bonus better. It was more subtle, but had even less common sense.

Batman charged with obstructing police in US; they say he wouldn't leave them alone

Oh, Batman, how could you?

edited 3rd Oct '12 3:51:23 PM by cfive

 
 82 Malph, Wed, 3rd Oct '12 7:48:41 PM from The middle of somewhere Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
All hail
  • Batman: "Who was it?"
  • Police: "Go away."
  • Batman: "It was The Joker, wasn't it?"
  • Police: "No."
  • Batman: "Two Face?"
  • Police: "No."
  • Batman: "The Bouncer?"
  • Police: "No... who the hell is that?"
  • Batman: "Calender Man?"
  • Police: "Ok, now you're just fucking with us. You're under arrest."
  • Batman: "So it was from inside the police? Was it Bullock?"

edited 3rd Oct '12 8:11:31 PM by Malph

So, in the U.S., randomly stripping is a signal that you want to sing the national anthem? - That Human
 83 CDRW, Thu, 4th Oct '12 2:01:08 PM Relationship Status: Mu
Okay, this isn't a headline, it's an article. But the first line is "A patient broke wind while having surgery and set fire to his genitals."

edited 4th Oct '12 2:01:12 PM by CDRW

 84 Bur, Thu, 4th Oct '12 5:56:58 PM from Flyover Country Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
 85 Bur, Thu, 11th Oct '12 8:04:21 PM from Flyover Country Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
Machete-wielding man on bicycle crashes girl’s birthday party; steals beer

...Wait. ...What??
 86 Pykrete, Sat, 13th Oct '12 1:18:07 AM from Viridian Forest
 87 T-bone 61, Sat, 13th Oct '12 11:43:34 AM from NY Thaw Relationship Status: I LOVE THIS DOCTOR!
[Jo Jo for a Day]
[up]Motherfucker beat us there!

HOW'D YOU DO IT, COOKIE

TELL US YOUR SECRETS

 88 Bur, Sat, 13th Oct '12 9:42:31 PM from Flyover Country Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
 89 Deviant Braeburn, Sat, 10th Nov '12 11:43:41 PM from Dysfunctional California
Wandering Jew
Pizza deliveryman caught urinating on customer's door
Everything is Possible.

But some things are more Probable than others.
JEBAGEDDON 2016

 90 Bur, Thu, 22nd Nov '12 6:29:33 PM from Flyover Country Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
"California Man Pleads Not-Guilty to Killing, Cooking Wife"

W-w-wTF?!

edited 22nd Nov '12 6:29:41 PM by Bur

 91 Deviant Braeburn, Thu, 22nd Nov '12 8:46:14 PM from Dysfunctional California
Wandering Jew
[up]

'Cannibal cop' allegedly wanted to cook woman for Thanksgiving
Everything is Possible.

But some things are more Probable than others.
JEBAGEDDON 2016

 92 AFP, Sat, 24th Nov '12 4:08:40 AM from The Pale Blue Dot Relationship Status: In Lesbians with you
The Great and Wonderful
The best ones are the headlines that use ambiguous syntax or so-called "Crash Blossoms", after this headline:

Violinist linked to JAL crash blossoms

The article, if the headline wasn't clear, was about a violinist who planted wildflowers at the site of an airliner crash as a memorial to the deceased.
Quod Scripsi Scripsi (until I use the edit function...)
 93 Sapphire Blue, Sat, 24th Nov '12 5:13:22 PM from Silicon Valley
Child of Chaos
Police Blotter: Woman finds 200 plastic forks sticking up on her lawn

Found that in the newspaper just now.

 94 Deviant Braeburn, Tue, 11th Dec '12 4:29:09 PM from Dysfunctional California
Wandering Jew
'Vulture spying for Israel' caught in Sudan

This is my favorite part:

A similar discovery in Saudi Arabia last year prompted local media to report that a bird, later identified as a Griffon, had been "arrested" under suspicion of spying as part of a suspected "Zionist plot".

edited 10th Jan '13 11:51:52 AM by DeviantBraeburn

Everything is Possible.

But some things are more Probable than others.
JEBAGEDDON 2016

 95 Nick The Swing, Tue, 11th Dec '12 5:51:59 PM from Ya really wanna know? Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
BFS Enthusiast
Just saying, that is the most Jewish vulture I've ever seen in my life.

Just a little kinda un-PC humor. Don't really mean it.
 96 AFP, Tue, 11th Dec '12 8:57:41 PM from The Pale Blue Dot Relationship Status: In Lesbians with you
The Great and Wonderful
[up][up] Beat me to it. [lol]
Quod Scripsi Scripsi (until I use the edit function...)
 97 Bur, Tue, 11th Dec '12 9:36:45 PM from Flyover Country Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
 98 Deviant Braeburn, Thu, 10th Jan '13 11:50:36 AM from Dysfunctional California
Wandering Jew
Police: Alligator Used To Guard Marijuana Stash

Its name is 'Mr. Teeth'.
Everything is Possible.

But some things are more Probable than others.
JEBAGEDDON 2016

 99 Sapphire Blue, Thu, 10th Jan '13 3:34:49 PM from Silicon Valley
Child of Chaos
[up] Heard about that one. xD

 100 Bur, Thu, 10th Jan '13 4:16:46 PM from Flyover Country Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
Total posts: 315
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