-Peter laughs to try and diffuse the tension-

Wow, eheh, jeez you guys sure like to keep to the theme, what with the Villa Evil, and Dr. Evil, and the... you know, evil characters to play as. I like it. Ehehehehehahahahah!

-He leans to Orion-

We have got to get out of here.

-He then looks back at his dice results-

5

3

3

1

4

6

Impoundment Lot

Apollo Dynamite!(charges up another miniature sun. He aims for a spot on the strange diamond not covered by Gabriella and tosses it.)

Villa Evil

...E-erm... Yes! What— what a fascinating name "Skaedra" is, almost as fascinating as... Toshiro Kurowarudaikatanashinigami... Il-sung? That— that was it, wasn't it...?

   (Dr. Evil nods.)   

(Although there is no physical evidence for him to see, Archer suddenly feels, in the pit of his spiritual core, that he is a true and real RPGer.)

   You will be Ganjiang Necrocrypt Emoye, a Neutral Evil necromancer swordsman who is Skaedra's half-brother... and lover.   

   (And THANK FUCK, Dr. Evil does not notice the dice thing. Looks now to Peter.)   

   You will be Duke Otto Wolfgang von Schwarzspinne, a Lawful Evil demon summoner who specializes in those with many legs. Are we all ready to begin our adventure...?   

   (Puts in a piece of the stupidly-simple puzzle before him.)   

Church

Nnnnghhhhh yeah, wouldn't mind... fuck, Soraya, you said this would be the easy road...

(Grigori smiles warmly at Mob.)

No thanks are needed, my son. Really, it is us who should be thanking you, for freeing us from the talons of that infernal lard golem.

I smell like beeeeeeeeeeeef!

Impoundment Lot

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHH—!!

(The great cubehedron takes blow after blow, its crystalline skin beginning to crack and splinter off. In retaliation, it fires a flurry of small lasers at its foes, Gab just barely managing to dodge one.)

(SKYOOOOOOM—! One fractures GodJesus' hull and impacts right near Chris' head, singing one of his antlers.)

-Reigen looks up at Mob from collecting the LODS OF EMONE-

....Hm? Oh, right, yes, our job here's finished.

-He stands up, POCKETS FULLA DOUGH-

Hopefully, everyone else hasn't failed miserably. I'd hate to have to do their job for them.

O-oh... -blushes at Archer- Oh my, Ganjiang Necrocrypt Emoye......

-grins, looking back- L-let's get started!

-Scratches his cheek a mite bashfully-

We're just doing our jobs...

-Gestures out the church-

Let's go?

Impoundment Lot

(Planetman dodges the laser. However, a few lasers manage to sneak by and hit him in the arms and legs. Despite those injuries, he still manages to hold on.)

-Goes totally apeshit, renewing the force and volume of the strikes as GodJesus suffers the lasers-

...Right, Skaedra.

(traces off the dice surreptitiously, inwardly hoping he won't have to Rule Breaker himself somewhere down the line)

(looks back at Doktor Akuma) So how do we start?

Hoo boy... many legs, huh?

-Healing majyyks-

-Has the feeling he missed something important he should've been paying attention to but figures he can just keep winging it-

"... Right. So, how do we kill the moon bitch?"

Church

(Father Grigori bows deeply.)

Farewell, Chosen, and may Jesus' blessings be upon you.

(Risei looks to Savannah.)

...I couldn't say, I'm afraid, but the next obstacle in your journey ought to present itself soon after you depart.

(SHIROU IS HEALED!~ but his spleen kinda grew back crooked and he has a scar shaped like a dick now )

...Hey, nice! Thanks, amigo, I guess you guys aren't so bad after all.

(A BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE WORLD AWAITS OUR HEROES, WHERE SHALL THEY GO...?!)

Villa Evil

   Indeed, many legs... We shall begin by laying out our dark quest. Our wretched group of vagabond scoundrels meet in a dim, grisly, blood-encrusted tavern, the basement of which rings with the screams of the innocents as they are sacrificed, one by one, to the Bloodmoon Empress. Skaedra Bloodflux, Toshiro Kurowarudaikatanashinigami Il-sung, Ganjiang Necrocrypt Emoye, Beelzegrub Iscariot, Duke Otto Wolfgang von Schwarzspinne, Dr'aighvyd of Mmm'keaiugh and the Darkest Knight are gathered together.   

   Their objective is simple: find and kill a man known only as The Warlock. They know littler still of him than they do of each other, save for a vague description: A tall, robed man, face enshrouded in the blackest darkness, with a staff made from the withered femur of an Archdemon. They have been promised mountains of wealth upon the successful completion of this assassination. What will our protagonists do...?   

(Breen and Park exchange grim looks, clearly out of their depth. David smiles vacantly as the wheels slowly turn in his pretty little head. The armor-clad fuckboi is silent as the grave.)

Impoundment Lot

(KKKKK-KRRRRACK—!)

(...Oh... That did it. The Cubehedron fractures, letting out a final death-cry as its carapace shatters into many blue shards, the core of its being erupting in a blinding flash of light, sending Gabriella violently backward and into GodJesus' cockpit, landing right next to Demotte.)

-leans back in the chair, her hands underneath the table-

I, uh, go and hold a knife to the barkeep's throat. 'Tell me where I find the, uh, the wizard,' That's what I say.

-rolls a die with one hand- Uh, twenty. -quickly snatches it back up before anyone can see-

Just doin' my job.

-Gets up and heads outside, still not used to all this natural sunlight-

edited 9th Jan '17 12:07:07 PM by WonderSquid

"Fuckin' hell, whatever. -OUTSIDE-"

-Peter shifts in his seat a bit-

I guess I'll head outside and get our bearings. You know, see what the street is like, get a feel for what's up.

-STEPS on outside, still holding the big fuckoff scythe-

...Master, do you think you could hold this instead? I feel weird holding it in broad daylight...

-he says, with someone with a big fuckoff sword on their back next to him-

-Reigen gives the congregation a HEROIC THUMBS UP, before stepping out the door, into the bright light......-

......

....Hm? Oh, yeah, sure, I can hold it.

(heads over to GodJesus and see if Demoette and his apprentice are alright.

-Does his best not to laugh-

... (folds his arms)

I glance around the tavern, in case of the small chance that someone looking just like the Warlock is here.

Villa Evil

   (Evil notices what Orion's up to, but seems ever-calm, completely unperturbed.)   

(David's eyes shift to her, and he gives an encouraging little smirk.)

   Skaedra menaces the cowardly bartender, making him quake like a leaf on an aspen tree. Stammering, he confesses to knowing only a little about the whereabouts of the Warlock– indeed, he was at the tavern this morning, but he left in the afternoon, headed west.   

   The Duke ventures out of the dark tavern, into the thick, moist air of the city's streets. The sky is black, a great thunderhead hangs over the wretched little building, casting its deathly shadow on the blackened bricks of the streets. The only source of light, save for those from the dim, dirty windows of the other small hovels and shacks, is a brilliant inferno, red as blood and glowing in the western skies from miles away.   

   Emoye scans the tavern for those matching the Warlock's description. He sees a tall-ish, robed figure lazily downing a lukewarm tankard of blood mead at the dingy bar, back turned to him so that only their bony, black-taloned pale fingers are visible as the protrude from the robe's long, brown sleeves... Roll Perception to discern who he is.   

Outside of Church

(The formerly-satanic priest and clergy all wave goodbye to our heroes as they venture out t—)

(WHOA, giant awful explosion coming from the impoundment lot a few blocks down! dafuq)

Impoundment Lot

(Gabriella quickly rouses herself from the daze of the explosion, pointing to something right in front of GodJesus.)

There, where the polyhedron just was. It's—

(...Some kinda game console...?◊)

edited 9th Jan '17 3:44:45 PM by MobileLeprechaun

I slit his throat and travel west.

-seems to have stopped caring enough to keep up her affected stammer-

....!?

-Flinch-

What in the world...!?