Bullying

Since several threads with tangentially related topics devolved into discussing this, I figured we need a thread about it.

I'm guessing from the demographic of this site, we all have strong opinions on the matter of bullying; in school, and in life.

Discuss, and try to stay civil please.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

Cartoon Network says Speak up!

Eh, I was bullied in high school. I found the best defense, was join in myself. If you can't laugh at yourself, you're missing life's best joke.

Hell, by junior year pretty much all of the jocks who bullied me became friends. For my statement I mean verbal bullying and mocking.

As for physical bullying, well that's what jumping the bully in the parking lot at night is for.

I never noticed any bullying at school. Ever. Not sure what it looks like.

I think there are a lot of strange generalisations and misconceptions about bullying. Not all bullying is overt, malicious or physical. Not all bullying victims are innocent, nerds, jerks or foolish. In order to participate in bullying, one need not be insecure, physically strong, psychologically damaged, popular, unpopular, cruel or even aware that one is participating in bullying.

It's a horrible thing, and a complicated thing, and I don't think it's taken seriously enough or treated with sufficient care.

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It sucks. Teachers need to be way tougher on it. When they ignore it, the problem just escalates.

So, can you define bullying in a way that manages to capture it all then? Otherwise, I'm not certain what the point of carving out these cases is.

I wrote about a fish turning into the moon.

@Bobby: I agree with the first half. As to the second, well...I take issue with some of the anti-bullying measures that have been tried or suggested *

. Why? Because being bullied teaches one valuable survival skills that have excellent utility later in life.

I know it sucks, but consider this. Say we protect kids from being bullied. So what? So they can get out in the world and have to deal with asshole bosses, psychotic customers and unfair working conditions with no prior experience?

The real world isn't any nicer than high school IMO. You just have more choices, and sometimes not even that.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

I'd probably call bullying "Directed Dickish Behavior". Or DDB.

When someone is a dick to one person in particular.

Presumably, since most people go through public education, it'd be a slow cultural shift away from such stereotypes, with allotments made for people who are horribly stressed and so on. Also, there are plenty of people (myself included) who weren't bullied whatsoever in school who learn fairly easily as an adult how to deal with such people. It's not a huge hurdle to overcome.

@Mark: I'd add "for no reason" on to the end of that.

I wrote about a fish turning into the moon.

I don't feel that such is actually what happens, and I do not feel it's worth the cost in pain and anguish even if it does. I'd also say that approach creates the very things you want people to be able to survive, when another approach might work to eliminate or reduce it, instead of hoping that you are toughening people up.

Not saying the current approaches are necessarily good, but I don't know what is happening across the world anyway.

edited 13th Jul '11 7:12:46 PM by blueharp

@Zephid; It's easier with experience.

@Blue: I'd love to hear how you plan to suppress a basic part of human nature.

edited 13th Jul '11 7:13:05 PM by drunkscriblerian

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

Bullying is often the cause of not being able to deal with certain kinds of people, not the effect. While it's certainly possible for overcoming it to lead to growth as a person, it's not the only possible outcome, nor is it the only or most efficient way to achieve that goal.

edited 13th Jul '11 7:14:00 PM by Clarste

You consider it a part of human nature. I don't necessarily do, but I suppose that does point to the first issue, identification and understanding.

Sometimes you can't solve a problem till you know what's causing it.

Yeah, I really just laughed at myself, did a lot of self-depreciation humor and stuff like that. I used to be a huge crybaby up until 8th grade, I'd start tearing up over anything. But now you'd be hard pressed to actually insult me over something.

And the worst bully I had is friends with me on Facebook and we're constantly bouncing jokes off each other.

But, it's also true that teachers need to be more aggressive on taking down bullying. What ends up happening is that we hear "confrontation" and automatically think "two people are fighting," when usually, one is just standing up for himself and the other is just picking the fight to begin with. Both get equal punishments, which is on the same level as doing nothing at all to either of them.

I'm pretty sure the concept of Law having limits was a translation error. -Wanderlustwarrior

Yeah, the two jocks who gave me hell the first two years of highschool ended up being two of my closest friends the last two years of highschool.

Hell, I should shoot em a message on facebook one of these days and see how they are doing.

@ Zephid: Broadly speaking, it's a term denoting persistent abuse of a particular person, especially when such abuse occurs between children and causes the victim significant upset.

@ DS: I don't agree. It probably depends on the kid, but all things considered, I think bullying did me more harm than good, and it certainly did my younger brother more harm than good.

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I hear this a lot, and it's always struck me as pretty nonsensical. If someone regularly assaults or harasses you when you're an adult, the accepted responsible thing to do is turn to the authorities whose job it is to prevent that sort of behavior. It's only when you're a kid that you're told that you ought to be sorting matters out for yourself. If adults were really forced to fend for themselves the way we so often expect children to do, we essentially would not have a society.

...eventually, we will reach a maximum entropy state where nobody has their own socks or underwear, or knows who to ask to get them back.

I've only been bullied very rarely. I'm a solitary creature who will lash out at the slightest provocation.

"Had Mother Nature been a real parent, she would have been in jail for child abuse and murder." -Nick Bostrom

@Bobby: Then we disagree. I doubt either of us is going to bring the other around, considering our experiences have likely shown us different things.

Depends on what we're talking about here. I was speaking more of verbal abuse and harassment (something that I've had to deal with all my life in a work environment without losing my temper). If we're talking actual assault...then yes, kids should have access to the same framework of rules that adults do.

I'm certainly not suggesting that we allow kids to pummel each other in the halls because it "toughens them up". But dealing with verbal diarrhea is something adults have to do without recourse or response.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

@DS Well, so what do you suggest? I think if there's no real support system for bullied children it probably would raise the suicide rate a lot...

"Had Mother Nature been a real parent, she would have been in jail for child abuse and murder." -Nick Bostrom

Questionable survival skills at best, and at the cost of actively preventing you from learning social skills necessary to communicate with people for the 99.9% of your life that you're not in physical danger.

Keep in mind the very tools and perspectives necessary to just laugh it off like the adults can are exactly the ones the bullies have an iron grip on you developing. It's akin to building a mud house while someone's got a firehose trained on it.

edited 13th Jul '11 9:00:47 PM by Pykrete

When it comes to verbal assaults, do what I do: ignore the person, and think of tits.

@LH/Pykrete: Yeah, because all the new rules have really put a dent in the bullying problem.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

Bullying stresses people out, I speak from experience.

To this day I cannot handle being made fun of. Should I care? Logically speaking, no, I really should not. Do I anyway because my brain has jumped to the conclusion that "these people hate you"? Yes, usually.

Now, I am not going to claim to even begin to know how to stop bullying. All I'm saying is that it sucks and hasn't taught me anything other than how to explode (metaphorically, obviously).

I spread my wings and I learn how to fly....