Why is 'be yourself' considered good advice?

Neo those are situations in which I feel the advice should be used. I do not however like it being used as some slogan that's absolutely fucking everywhere nor do I like the way in which some parents use it.

I would prefer that it be something said only to an individual during specific circumstances as opposed to it being plastered everywhere.

I hate advice posters in general really. I'd do away with the whole thing if I could.

Like all advice, "be yourself" applies to certain situations only.

Oscar Wilde's quote, ''be as artificial as possible", is equally applicable.

I think both are true. Surface sometimes is everything, and that's not always bad. If you commit long enough to an idealized life model, you eventually become the mask.

Yes being artificial is lovely for certain situations! HELLO WORK AND INTERVIEWS.

So long as you are good at faking it anyway. You can learn how to fake things though. Becoming the mask is a possibility as well...That's always interesting...Though major nightmare fuel for many.

Acting looks fun. I wish I'd taken that up when I was a kid...

Faking does work a lot better in a lot of cases. Take children who get bullied: they get advice like 'be yourself and people will like you', when the only thing that actually works is 'do whatever you have to to fit in and eventually you might get some friends'.

Well, Becoming The Mask doesn't often happen, imo.... This subject always reminds me of the line in American Psycho: "What's inside doesn't matter."

People can't percieve your inner thoughts. We all have this temptation to think of ourselves as really deep and interesting on the inside, and if proper attention were only paid to me....! , etc.

The world only sees your surface. So, for all intents and purposes, you are that person.

edited 12th Jul '11 8:48:48 AM by johnnyfog

Which is why our personalities, which are only shown in our actions and have no real meaning beyond that, are one of the few aspects of ourselves entirely under our control. Which is why instead of trying to accept/embrace/promote their own personality-related flaws, people should be changing them.

I always translated 'be yourself' to mean "don't try to be something or someone that you're not - don't be a poseur."

YMMV if that's good bad or indifferent, but I find it works okay in the adult world, provided that you still operate within commonly accepted social constraints.

The point of being yourself is not avoiding change, but avoiding pretence, as far as this one thinks. Do not pretend to be what you aren't in order to fit in/be liked/feed your pride. Genuine improvement in the direction one wants to go is not the same as trying to don the mask and fit in.

As another put it much better than this one, "Do not don the mask you do not intend to keep".

But if you succeed in being what you're not, that becomes what you now are.

I disagree. If acting differently to the way you normally would gets you what you want, there's no reason not to; we don't have some fixed identity and an absolute duty to be faithful to that identity. Also, I'm going to answer your quote with another quote, which is a much better way of putting my first point in this post: 'We are what we pretend to be.'

edited 12th Jul '11 9:00:52 AM by cityofmist

That's why "you don't intend to keep" part. If you want to change - go ahead.

But it's not as if trying to change your personality is irreversible. Our actions are entirely under our control. We can act however we want, whenever we want. If I pretend to be interested in some TV show to fit in with a group of friends who all like it, I don't have to spend the rest of my life pretending to like it, just the next half hour or so.

You can, if you want. However, this one thinks that it is good to teach kids that they do not have to do that.

The thing is, sometimes they do. For most of my time in primary school I had basically no friends, because I was convinced that if I just did my own thing some people would eventually come along who liked me for myself. Then I got sick of waiting and when I got to secondary school I tried to fit in a little more, tell people what they wanted to hear, act 'normal'. If life were a sitcom, I'd have been absolutely miserable the whole time, having to hide my true self, and at the end of the episode I'd have learned to always be myself at whatever cost, at which point those hypothetical friends from primary school would have come along. But in real life, I ended up a far sight happier than I'd been before, because I had people who liked me to hang around with. Kids need that more than they need to Stay True To Themselves.

There is no advice that would fit everyone in all situations. Real life is complicated like that. What worked for you would have made another quite unhappy. But people are already pushed to conformity, by their own inclinations and by the pressure of society. It does not need any more reinforcement, while learning that there is an alternative can be valuable.

"Take children who get bullied: they get advice like 'be yourself and people will like you', when the only thing that actually works is 'do whatever you have to to fit in and eventually you might get some friends'." - cityofmist

Yeah, because bullies couldn't POSSIBLY figure out who genuinely is a certain way and who's just deperate to fit in! And they wouldn't exploit this desperation at all, no sir!

EDIT: Also..

"I disagree. If acting differently to the way you normally would gets you what you want, there's no reason not to" - cityofmist

No reason unless you count the implicit dishonesty of that approach.

edited 12th Jul '11 9:49:42 AM by neoYTPism

You really don't need to link to Sarcasm Mode. I'd have got it.

And why is acting differently to the way you normally would dishonest? As I said, we don't have some innate true identity. The way you act is what defines who you are.

edited 12th Jul '11 9:56:23 AM by cityofmist

No offence was intended, this one thinks. Linking tropes does not mean that anyone implies lack of understanding.

I agree, it all depends on the situation. To take an earlier situation that was proposed... if you genuinely don't like the show everyone else is watching, sitting there pretending to like it for everyone else's benefit may make you miserable. And if enough people do that, and, say, don't bring up things they think they're not supposed to like for fear of getting ridiculed, groups miss out on a lot of interesting stuff they might actually like, rather than sticking with 'safe' things.

If you want to give in and do something because others are doing it, fine, but don't delude yourself about the reason you're doing it - the pleasure of the other people's company is greater than the displeasure of the activity or being alone. That's perfectly fine. But you're not doing it because you like it.

Same thing with jobs, say, one relatively low paying but you like the work and one high paying but you hate it - be honest and weigh the pros and cons. Does the amount of pleasure you get from a larger paycheck balance the displeasure you get from working a job you hate? That's being true to yourself, being honest with yourself, and understanding your own psychology and needs.

Indeed.

One more thing:

"But in real life, I ended up a far sight happier than I'd been before, because I had people who liked me to hang around with. Kids need that more than they need to Stay True To Themselves." - cityofmist

No, kids need to be taught moral integrity. If that comes at the expense of companionship, so be it. Perhaps they should be taught how to do feel content with less of it instead. (It's never been that much of a problem for me.)

edited 12th Jul '11 9:59:47 AM by neoYTPism

"Be yourself" is usually considered good advice because modern Western societies tend to have individualistic values and, in theory anyway, value self-expression highly. Unfortunately, in practice, there are always limits to how far people can be allowed to be themselves, some of which there'd probably be a universal moral consensus on (you can't "be yourself" if what you are is a serial killer) and some of which are more open to question (society tends not to encorage "being yourself" if it's seen as a serious threat to whatever the "established order" is e.g. an anarchist).

Bringing up a kid to "be themselves" without explaining these limitations on it is naive to the point of being crazy, in my opinion.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the point at which we're disagreeing is that you think putting on an act, for whatever reason, is fundamentally dishonest and morally wrong, and I don't.

I'm with you on this one. One should never get rid of their sense of self just for something as flimsy as friendship. Chances are, if someone won't accept you for who you are, then they're not much of a 'friend' in my book. Friendship is all about acknowledging each others faults and complimenting their strength's, thus bringing out the best in people, is it not?

And I thought friendship was "hanging out with people who share your interests". If one of my friends turned out to be faking it, I'd feel quite insulted.

edited 12th Jul '11 11:17:39 AM by fanty

Well, it's that too of course. That's how most friendships start. The real test of friendship (as well as loyalty) begins when you start learning about each others strengths and weaknesses.

Suffice to say, if you discover someone was faking sharing your interests, you're better off ignoring them for the most part.

edited 12th Jul '11 11:22:01 AM by Rynnec