Pony Fanfiction Thread

I might take a look later at those Sereg. Though bit burned out on reviewing ATM

Just finished the next part of my Crisis Equestria review

See, things like that are where I think Acceptable Breaks from Reality kicks in. "Open forelegs" is technically more accurate, but it sticks out like a sort thumb and honestly (for me at least) breaks the immersion of the story more than just using "open arms" would have. "Open arms" would just be fridge logic; unless your a stickler for that sort of thing, you probably wouldn't even notice it until later, whereas "open forelegs" is very noticeable.

I'm pretty sure that "arm" is still a technically correct term, anyway.

Yeah, in general I don't really mind if someone uses 'arms' as a replacement for 'forelegs'.

@JT and Seraphem: Thanks.

Also, ponies have arms. They're part of their forelegs.

You know what I mean.

In that case, I don't see a problem in using "arms."

@JT: Thanks. I rattled off a couple of quick responses to your comments. I also extended by another paragraph, but that's not major.

This is the most important response though:

"Trust me. These are MASSIVE clues for Star Swirl to work out just what is going on.

Zuri is basically trying to ease Star into things by showing her something she'd be impressed by.

Ganymede and Prospero's shifting distracted her and caused her o go into a rant.

I guess I need to make that clearer.

I do think that this is by FAR the biggest clue I've given my readers so far as to what is actually going on with Zaida.

Hence Star Swirl's reaction to this information. She has the experience from recent events in Equestria to understand how MAJORLY significant this information is."

So no. That scene is most definitely NOT just there for woldbuilding. That's just an added bonus.

Well, I did see that there were a few hints as to what's going on, but it felt like you could have given them without the worldbuilding. My main issue was less that, and more the fact that it wasn't evident that Zuri had any reason to tell Star Swirl about all this. We know almost nothing of her motivation or what her situation is at this point, so it's weird to see her give so much info with so little prompting.

edited 4th Sep '13 2:31:51 PM by JapaneseTeeth

"forelegs" is a really clumsy word. Just use "arms," if it sounds better. I try to make "foreleg" work, if I can, but if it just doesn't sound good, "arms" always seemed a completely valid alternative.

Yeah, strictly speaking arm is an accurate description of what forelegs are anyhow.

Though honeslty welcoming with open legs is almost too good to pass up.

Oh? Feeling ready to make a ? You won't be the first, but you'll be the first with anything aproaching this level of information.

I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't appreciate the excuse to do some worldbuilding. It's stuff that the readers need to find out at some point.

I saw that. I'll try to make Zuri's reasons for talking more clear. As I said in the comments though, it's not because she's "Star Swirl", but because she's a sympathetic ear.

Went over the "Debt to the Stars" chapter. The concepts are good, but it's rife with Featureless Plane of Disembodied Dialogue, and you brush over a lot of stuff that could be really interesting (e.g. the fact that they land in the Everfree is only relevant for about a page).

Rarity says "on the other hand" in "Hearth's Warming Eve", so the writers no doubt followed the logic that sounding better trumps accuracy.

Unrelated; Finnegans Cake got 9 views and 2 upvotes on upload, which is a lot more than I was expecting.

edited 4th Sep '13 8:17:30 PM by CleverPun

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF Ff I was hoping to get this chapter out sooner dangit. Why must I be so busy?

Because the universe conspires against us.

In other news, I found a great point of divergence for an AU story. I know that Canterlot Wedding fics have been done to death, but I like this one.

So, when the flashback shows Cadence using magic, her aura is blue. When Chrysalis, pretending to be Cadence, uses magic, her aura is green.

During the kitchen scene, Twilight is present while Chrysalis uses magic. If she can see the aura, it's indisputable proof that something is wrong. So, what if she went to Celestia and told her right after it happened?

What do you guys think would be most likely to happen after that? So far I don't have any ideas, I just worked out the initial POD moment.

I'd imagine Celestia would probably be looking for Chrysalis to give herself away, then (although none of the ponies would actually know to looking for a Changeling...), then confront her. Chrysalis would still be high on Shining's love, though, so I doubt the ensuing fight would change too much.

Well if it happens elsewhere, without so many ponies around for Celestia to worr about getting caught in the crossfire she might have opened up with a stronger attack.

The shield wouldn't have broken yet and presumably the changeling army would not have been scheduled to attack, so Chryssy would not have had any reinforcements to deal with Luna, the Royal Guard, and the Wonderbolts.

So basically she would just lose faster. Assuming that all the above forces subdued Queenie without killing her, they might also have taken her prisoner or something. So the main difference would be the changelings would not be at large, and the aftermath from the comics would never have happened.

Glad everything is back up and running again.

As soon as I get out of this job, is back to Flights Of Fancy.

Finished a draft of chapter 10 of Elements of Excess (~3k words, and it only took 5 months!). The initial draft is here for the curious (1200 words, ended up scrapping it). Comments are, as always, greatly appreciated. I actually don't have any concerns to list; pretty happy with how it turned out. Certain sections may need additional description, though.

edited 6th Sep '13 8:44:46 PM by CleverPun

Dang I need to get back to reading that. I lost track of it around chapter 7 or 8 due to Real Life business.

Oh god there's a trope for reality itself

personally I consider the comics to be discontinuity, mostly due to necessity. I don't currently have money to buy them, and don't even know where I could do so. So I just ignore them.

Okay, I went over the chapter one final time. Unless somebody else has a major comment to make, I'm posting it on fimfic tomorrow.