All Purpose General Fanfiction Posting Thread

She never dared telling anyone in the class about her true heritage until she had to punch the Lifemaker clear across Ostia.

"But..." Yuuna babbled once the first explanations were given, "but then, HOW in the world you got that scar...?"

Ako looked aside shyly and muttered something about someone named Luthor and a Kryptonite knife...

Project Akio.

He never bedded C-Ko, despite her insistence.

Even he had to hold to some standards!

Project Aku.

"Aku!" the valiant man with the blade showed up at the doors of the school. "I have come to slay you at last so I can—"

He then stared blankly at his fuku-clad ancient nemesis, who was being mounted piggy-back by an obnoxiously giggling blond girl while pulling on the cheeks of an attractive dark haired young woman, who was likewise doing the same thing to him.

"Oh. Jack," he said. "As you will see, I have rethought my life as of late..."

"Blood!" Cyborg shouted, struggling against his restrains. "You never will make the Titans become criminals like you!"

"Me? Oh, no, Cyborg, that's where you are wrong..." Brother Blood said with pleased malice, pulling his hood back to reveal a partially mechanical face. "I want them to become like you."

After an open mouthed moment of shock, Cyborg smiled. "Well, why didn't you just say that from the start?"

—-

Back to back, Robin, Starfire, Beast Boy and Raven were slowly surrounded by the Titans East.

Bumblebee, modified into a ceiling fan who rotated in place like a helicopter. Aqualad, made into a swimming pool pump, but still handsome. Mas and Menos, turned into a TV and computer, both playing the same videos for the new 'Teen Titans East GO!' series. Speedy, now a washing machine with a bow and arrow attached to it.

"I wish Cyborg were here now," Raven said.

"I don't," Robin said.

"Oh, I mean to hurt him. Badly."

"Ahhhh..."

"Never!" the Ice King yelled, shooting ice blasts at the young hero. Finn then retaliated with a flying kick, knocking the old man on the ground.

"Give it a rest already," Finn said. "The princess isn't into you."

Angrily, the Ice King replied, "I will never stop! Not until she gets married and becomes the queen! The queen of-"

But Finn and Princess Bubblegum were already gone. "Hey! It's rude to run away while someone's talking to you!"

Back at the Candy Kingdom, Finn delivered Princess Bubblegum safely to her castle.

"There you go, Princess," Finn said, but he noticed the serious look on Princess Bubblegum's face. "Is there something wrong?"

"So he won't stop until I'm married and have become queen, eh? Well then, he can get his queen."

The next day, Princess Bubblegum stood on the balcony of her palace, looking at the people of the Candy Kingdom. "My loyal subjects. I have come to you with an announcement. Tomorrow at noon I will get married, and on that same day I will rise to the throne, not as a princess, but as your queen."

The crowd cheered, but Finn and Jake looked on in amazement. "Whaaaaat?!" was all that they could say.

"You're not going to marry the Ice King, are you?" Finn said.

"Don't worry, Finn," Princess Bubblegum replied. "Everything will be alright."

On the way back to the tree house, Finn and Jake were talking.

"Man, I don't know what to make of it," Finn said. "I mean, I guess I'm happy for her, but on the other hand, I don't know."

Jake consoled him. "Hey, don't worry man, you'll find someone eventually. I mean, just because it didn't work out with Flame Princess doesn't mean you can't find anybody else. You just have to take it easy."

"Yeah, maybe I should just whip out that good old Jay T. Doggzone handbook."

"Hey, what did I tell you? Don't read that. It's junk."

"So, who do you think Peebles will marry?"

"I think... Sandwich."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"I can't think with an empty stomach."

The next day, the Ice King was whipping out his best suit.

"Hey Gunther, guess what? Today's the day that I will finally marry Princess Bubblegum. So, how do I look?"

Gunther only looked at him without saying a word.

"Giving me the silent treatment, are you? Well if you don't like it you should have just said so."

Gunther remained quiet.

"Fine, you're officially uninvited."

Meanwhile at the wedding ground, Jake acted as the best man.

"Hey, Finn," Jake said. "Don't feel bad that Princess Bubblegum didn't pick you."

"No man," Finn said, "I can totally understand. I'm cool with it. I just wonder who the groom will be."

All of a sudden, the Ice King came crashing in, or rather, just flying in, as there wasn't actually any roof. Nevertheless, he came to crash the party.

"Ice King!" Finn said. "What are you doing here?"

"Don't worry, Finn," Princess Bubblegum said. "I've invited him."

"PB, what are you doing here?"

"I'm getting married, doy!"

"There you are my bride," the Ice King said.

"I'm not going to marry you, Ice King," Princess Bubblegum said.

"What?" This answer confused the Ice King. "Wait a minute, if you're not going to marry me, then who is it?"

A carriage then arrived.

"Here comes my suitor," Princess Bubblegum merrily said.

Slowly, the door opened, and out came...

"Marceline?!" Finn and Jake both exclaimed.

"Marceline the Vampire Queen?!" the Ice King exclaimed. "This is an outrage! I'm out of here!"

The Ice King then proceeded to almost walk out, then walked back to the front chairs.

"Move aside," he said, as he sat himself in a chair.

The ceremony went as planned.

Flashback to two days before. Princess Bubblegum stormed inside Marceline's house.

"Marceline," Princess Bubblegum said. "We have to get married."

"What?" Marceline said, confused. "Why?"

"I can't take it anymore! The Ice King is driving me bonkers, trying to kidnap me, day in, day out."

"But why me?"

"Well, because you're my best friend, and I trust you."

"Okay, fair enough. But I am not going to wear a dress."

Back in the present, Marceline was pissed. "Why did I have to wear this dress?"

It was a short ceremony, but tension was in the air. When the ceremony master got to the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part, Peppermint Butler jumped up.

"I object on the grounds that this is unnatural!"

"How is this unnatural?" Princess Bubblegum said. "If two people really care for each other, does it really matter who they are?"

"Candy people are supposed to only marry other candy people!"

"Is there anybody here with valid reasons as to why they shouldn't marry?" the ceremony master said. "Good. Now let's make this quick, I have other weddings to attend to. Princess Bubblegum, do you take Marceline the Vampire Queen as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do," Princess Bubblegum said.

"And Marceline, do you take Princess Bubblegum as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do," Marceline said.

"Then I pronounce you two... married! You may now kiss, or, embrace, whichever you feel comfortable with."

Marceline and Princess Bubblegum then hugged, and the party was over.

That night, as the guests were leaving the reception at the castle, Finn and Jake were discussing things.

"Wow," Finn said. "I did not expect that to happen."

"Well," Jake said, "you do know they only married so that the Ice King would stop bothering her, right?"

"I know."

They both walked away, smiling.

That night, Princess Bubblegum were lying in bed together.

"You know, Marcy," Princess Bubblegum said. "You could just go home if you want."

"No, I'm fine. Besides, wouldn't it be weird if we'd just sleep in separate beds on our wedding night?"

They both giggled. Then Princess Bubblegum gave Marceline a quick kiss, who now blushed. "Good night, Marcy."

"Good night, Queen Bubblegum," Marceline said.

—-

"So," I said to Pendleton Ward. "What do you think?"

"I'll be honest with you," he said. "This has got to be the most stupidest thing I've heard all day."

Hey, kids! Remember back when Disney movies had long, complex, difficult titles instead of Frozen or Tangled? Thankfully, now we live in an era where such difficult to market and remember titles like Rapunzel and The Snow Queen are dead and buried, but what of those past works? We at the Titled Foundation are campaigining for Disney to rename all their prior movies into ways that make sense! Join us in this noble cause with your financial collaboration! Just take a look at all the proposed titles you still are missing on!

Wooden! (Pinocchio, eww. That's so old and non-catchy).

Asleep! (Sleeping Beauty? WHAT were they thinking?)

Dwarfed! (Snow White? Bitches, we all know who were the real protagonists there?)

Milked! (Home on the Range... well... guess there's no way to save this one, even with a swell title change...)

Spotted! (101 Dalmatians? Lame).

Alienated! (Lilo and Stitch? Pfffft).

Dogged! (Lady and the Tramp? What kind of title is that?)

Domestically Opressed! (Cindere— Wait, who snuck two long words there? QUALITY CONTROL! You're fired!)

Genial! (Aladdin? Oh, please. Like anyone went to watch that for HIM).

Bestial! (Beauty and the Beast? Too girly. Boys buy more action figures and lunchboxes).

Underwater! (Much more concise and to the point than 'The Little Mermaid', yeesh).

For more info on re-titlings of classics like The Love Bug, Mulan, Mary Poppins, Brother Bear and that movie with the cartoon animals randomly playing a game of soccer, please visit our webpage (inscription payment required, we accept Visa and Master Card)