All Purpose General Fanfiction Posting Thread

More than Fifty Four Days Belldandy Called in Sick.

Prologue

The Omniverse. An infinite cosmic caleidoscope of unending possibilities, millions of millions of worlds in eternal flux, always shifting, always different. Varying in tiny, microscopic details sometimes, wildly diverging in mind shattering ways other times.

In most of these worlds, one Morisato Keiichi has accidentally called, or will call, a goddess named Belldandy one day or another. A purely chance meeting? Perhaps. However, there are worlds where that decisive encounter never happened. All it takes is one casual brief bout of the extremely rare divine flu (which would wipe a full planet of mortals in the span of minutes) at exactly the right day for it to happen...

"Peorth? It's me. I'm afraid I won't be able to attend to my duties today. I'm extremely sorry..."

There was a sigh. "It's okay, Belldandy. Get better. We'll send someone else to cover for you..."

1) Oh my Troll!

"Good afternoon! I'm Tite Kubo, God of Trolling, and I've come to give you a Zanpakuto and make you a Shinigami!" the taller man cocked a grin, adjusting his sunglasses.

Still clutching the phone in a hand, Keiichi blurted out, "Come again?"

To this day, opinions are still torn on the subject of this being an improvement over the glacial pace of Ah My Goddess or not.

2) Oh my Governor!

"Good afternoon. I'm Governor Ishihara, Kami of Censorship, and I've come to censor and ban this decadent, disgusting and shameful manga!"

"B-B-But we're only two pages in!" Keiichi protested.

"It's all part of our new proactive policy! Stop the crime even before it happens!" the old man said, never yielding.

And so, Keiichi went on to die a virgin. But to be fair, this part didn't diverge from canon.

3) Oh my Darkwing!

"I'm the terror that flaps in the night! I'm the Deus ex Machina Akamatsu has come to like so much! I'm... Darkwing God!"

Keiichi stared at the purple clad talking duck. "Isn't this too egomaniacal, even for you?"

The duck frowned. "Only for that, well, and for a million other reasons, I won't be your romantic interest, young man!"

4) Oh my Nega!

"I'm the horror that haunts through your nightmares! I'm the Diabolus ex Machina Akamatsu has come to like so much! I'm... the Negagod!"

Keiichi pointed to a nearby open window. "Darkwing God went that way."

The yellow and black clad duck blinked, then all too briefly and gruffly muttered a "Thanks, geek," and jumped out the window and into the night.

5) Oh my Godparents!

"Hello, Keiichi!" the tiny green haired man with wings waved a hand and wand way too many times, sporting a wide insane grin. "We're Cosmo and Wanda, and we'll be your Fairy Godparents!"

"G-Godparents?-!" Keiichi repeated stupidly.

"That's right!" the tiny woman with pink hair nodded. "Since you've been such a poor, abused, mistreated dearie with a good heart, all through your life, we were sent to help you by granting all the childish, whimsical, most likely idiotic and dangerous wishes you may have! But only until you're fourteen!" she warned.

"B-But I'm nineteen!" Keiichi said.

The fairies froze in midair.

"You are...?" Wanda-san finally asked.

Keiichi nodded.

"Oh, gosh!" Cosmo-san laughed dumbly. "Sorry! It's just you're so darn short, we thought—!"

Even near infinite niceness isn't exactly infinite, so Keiichi kicked them out.

Later that night...

"AAARRRGGGHH!-!-! I could have played along and wished for a girlfriend!"

"SHADDAP AN' GO BACK TA SLEEP!" Tamiya shouted.

6) Oh my Devourer!

"Greetings, inhabitants of this biosphere you call Earth," the towering form hovering all over Tokyo spoke with a voice larger than the planet itself. "I am Galactus, the immortal Devourer of Worlds. Billions of races across the universe have perished to sate my appetites. Summoned by your call, Morisato Keiichi, I have arrived to replete my now waning life energies, by consuming all of this world's vital readings until it is left a lifeless dry husk. SO COMMANDS GALACTUS!-!"

Tamiya and Ootaki fixed those glares on Keiichi and crackled their knuckles.

He only whimpered.

7) Oh my Bat God!

"Wh-Who are you?"

"What are you, dense? Are you retarded or something? I'm the goddamn Batgod." Pause. 'And I can breathe in space.'

Then Keiichi knew he shouldn't have used that red phone.

But it was okay, because after a few long grueling months of training, he was beating Solomon Grundy, thwarting alien invasions, and leading the Titans like no one else in the business. Bruce also had to admit no one could drive the Batmobile like him.

He'd never hear the end of those lame bared legs and pixy boots jokes from Megumi, however...

She was so lucky, dammit! At least the Batgirl costume was sensible enough!

8) Oh my Mage!

"How you doing? I'm Shadow Crystal Mage, the God and Overlord of CRACK!"

Keiichi backed away. "Um, th-thanks, but I'm not really interested on—"

The Filipino man held a suspicious bag up. "Relax! I mean this! WRITING CRACK!"

Keiichi gave the bag a half-puzzled look.

Even centuries later, the civilization would remember his great works with fondness. Especially that masterpiece named More than Fifty Four Tamiya and Ootaki Threesomes, even if it had led him to an all too early violent demise...

There is something to be said, Raven reflected placidly to himself as, all around him, the legality and safety of his inclusion in a tournament of dubious friendship-building abilities was debated and argued, of Keeper’s theory that the universe had it in for superheroes. That it seemed to deliberately go out of its natural course– such as it was– to make their lives more difficult.

There wasn’t really anything he could add to the discussion, such as it was, besides continued declarations of his innocence, and so he refrained from speaking, merely listened attentively and nodded along when needed. He made himself comfortable on the floor, kept enough of his attention on the conversation to respond where needed, and thought deep, philosophical thoughts like: where would the demon strike next?

“I quite agree, Madame Maxime,” Karkaroff was saying to Madame Maxime. “I shall be lodging complaints with the Ministry of Magic and the International Confederation of Wizards—”

“If anyone's got reason to complain, it's Potter,” growled Moody, “but... funny thing... I don't hear him saying a word... “

Everyone turned to Raven, who was staring into the fire with a pensive frown on his face.

“Well Potter?” Moody prompted, when nothing seemed forthcoming.

Without looking away, Raven said, “Will anything I have to say possibly change this situation at all?”

“Doesn’t look like it,” Bagman said.

“Then why speak? The matter was never in my hands to begin with,” Raven said, tapping a finger on the floor, obviously already thinking of something else. For some reason, the adults felt mildly annoyed at this complete apathy.

Eventually matters were sorted out to the lack of satisfaction of everyone except possibly Raven, who only nodded in a distracted sort of way as he wondered how this would affect his patrol…

---

Raven blinked at everyone as he entered Gryffindor tower, who were all screaming, applauding, whistling and making al sorts of noise as they pulled him into the room. “Shouldn’t you all be sleeping?” he asked in confusion, but they didn’t seem to hear. It took him almost an hour just to get to the other side of the room. Everyone seemed to want to talk to him, but no one seemed willing to 'listen'' to him.

Finally, as impolite as he found it, Raven just ignored everyone and headed for his room, while a commonly-used part of his brain pulsed in a distressing manner at this blatant impoliteness. His bodily fight or flight response urged him to run to his room, and he saw no reason not to do as it advised

Ron was lying on his bed in the otherwise empty dormitory, still fully dressed. He loked up when Raven shut the door behind him.

“Oh, hello,” Ron said. He was grinning.

“Hello Ron,” Raven said as he waited for his breathing to even itself out. He noticed someone had tied a sheet around his shoulders and frowned as he began to undo the knot holding it in place. “I see you at least have decided to go to sleep at a reasonable hour.” He undid the knot and instinctively began folding the sheet– some kind of Gryffindor banner: the artwork looked like Lee’s– and laid it down on one of the bedside tables.

“So,” Ron said. “Congratulations.”

“About my entry into the Triwizard Tournament?” Raven said as he began to get changed. He wasn’t really going to sleep, but he had an appearance to maintain. “Thank you. I must say, you’re the first person who has been willing to talk with me about this rather than just talk at me about it. It is very much appreciated.”

Ron tilted his head, his expression difficult for Raven to decipher. Not that this was strange in itself. Not having any himself, he was not well-versed in the subtleties of expressions. “Well... no one else got across the Age Line,” said Ron. “Not even Fred and George. What did you use— the Invisibility Cloak?”

“No,” Raven said. “I wasn’t the one who entered myself in the tournament.”

“Oh, did you get someone else to enter your name for you?” Ron said.

“No, it was done so without my consent,” Raven said. “Whoever it was expended an unreasonable amount of effort to do so. Apparently they would have needed to use a powerful Confundus Charm. I would believe it was done by your brothers, but if they could accomplish such as task, they would more logically do so on their behalf than to set me up for a practical joke.”

“Hmm…” Ron said, still grinning, the expression now unnatural.

Raven finished dressing. “Good night Ron,” he said. “Thank you for actually talking to me.”

Ron was still grinning strangely when Raven closed his bed’s curtains…

---

Argent looked up sharply as Raven landed next to her on the rooftop. “Where have you been?” she said. “It’s been hours!”

“I apologize,” Raven said. “An unforeseen matter came up at school. There is a possibility it may disrupt all future plans.”

Argent snorted. “Tell me about it.”

Raven paused thoughtfully. “Was that an actual invitation, or a declarative statement of commiseration? I’m sorry, but telling the difference is still difficult for me.”

“The second one,” Argent said dryly.

“Ah. Thank you for informing me.”

Argent rolled her eyes, and looked out over the city. “Are you sure this ‘demon’ of yours will be doing something tonight?” she said.

“Yes,” Raven said. “No one died last night, but–”

“Actually, that’s wrong,” Argent said quietly.

“Ah. I see.”

For a while, silence reigned between the two.

“It is likely that we will be awake for a substantial portion of the night,” Raven said, his voice sounding a bit strange. “I will go to Starbucks and get something for us to eat.”

Argent looked at him, frowning in puzzlement. “If you want. My usual, okay?”

Raven nodded, stepped off the edge and dropped for a few feet before his trajectory become horizontal and he shot out of sight. Argent frowned after him.

“What was that about?” she muttered, before shaking her head and scanning the area again, already impatient for him to come back so they could get a move on. He was an odd one, that was for sure. Seriously, who talked like that? He sounded like an extremely polite, effeminate robot when he opened his mouth!

Demons. Really! All right, she’d heard of weird shit happening to superheroes, but what were the chances of that happening to her?

She was in the middle of a sigh when the attack happened.

By the time Argent sensed the presence behind her, it was already too late. She felt her skin breaking, felt the sharp stab of pain, felt the blood starting to run down her back–

“Azarath Metrion Zinthos!”

There was the sound of an air-cannon going off and suddenly the presence was no longer behind her as Argent whirled, one hand rising to her wound. Crimson energy rose to her fingertips, and she fired them randomly at her shadowed attacker, barely perceived in the night as she was blasted away by Raven’s incantation.

"They have arrived, Yukari."

"So they did, Ran."

"What will you do now?" Ran, a tall woman who wore large, flowing white robes, with a two-pointed cap asked. As anyone with sight would point out, this woman looked rather odd. Mostly because of the nine large, bushy golden tails that erupted behind her. It was clear that 'Ran' wasn't a human at all.

Yukari, despite her far more human appearance, also had an otherwordly aura about her. It was clear she wasn't human, and very, very powerful. Wearing a cap over her long, golden-blonde hair, she grinned at the large crystal ball that showed a primarily red ship land within the cover of a forest clearing.

Yukari had been awaiting the arrival of these people. She had temporarily opened up the Border that separated her land of Gensokyo from the rest of the worlds to allow them entry. And now, they weren't going to leave until she was satisfied.

"I'll wait a bit. Right about now, Gensokyo's 'strongest' should be making her way in their general direction."

Ran stepped closer, peering into the crystal ball to see a brown haired boy, a giant duck and a tall... thing emerge from the ship. "Is that wise? I can't imagine this 'destined hero' guy struggling against her."

"Well, let's just wait and see." Yukari suggested.

---

"I don't see what's so 'different' about this place..." Sora muttered thoughtfully as the group followed a forest trail deeper within.

Glancing at his companions, Sora noticed Donald frowning. At least, what he assumed was a frown. It was hard to tell with a duck's bill. "Something up, Donald?"

I can feel something magical in the air..." Donald said in wonder. "It's like, his forest contains lots of ambient magic within."

"Gosh, that sounds interesting!" Goofy said cheerfully. "What's it feel like?"

"How am I supposed to explain that?" Donald demanded to know.

At that moment, there was a rustling of leaves all around them. With no wind to cause this, the group was immediately on alert, weapons drawn. Sora's Keyblade, Donald's wizard staff, and Goofy's round shield.

The trio waited several moments for something to appear, yet nothing did. They remained tense and alert for several moments, until Sora finally lowered his weapon.

"Sora! Don't let your guard down!" Donald snapped, and Sora grinned confidently at him.

"Ah, don't worry so much! Look, it's fine!"

Shouldering his Keyblade and whistling casually, Sora continued to travel down the path, completely at ease. Much more cautiously, his companion's followed, glancing suspiciously at the trees all around them. With the magic Donald was sensing, it wouldn't surprise him if the trees were sentient. And hostile.

It didn't seem to be the case, though. After a few minutes of walking, the group came to a large lake, with a mansion barely visible in the distance.

"A dead end?" Goofy observed thoughtfully, peering into the water. "Where should we go now?"

Sora looked around the area, a casual smile on his face.

"What?" Donald asked, noticing Sora's strange, more-laid-back-than-usual nature.

"Ah, nothing," Sora shrugged. "Just thought this made a better area to fight."

At that moment, a loud battle cry filled the air, and something burst from the forest behind them. As if he had been expecting it, Sora immediately whirled around, leaping forward and swinging with his Keyblade, which the charging mass of ice-blue just managed to avoid, ducking under the swinging and flying straight into the lake.

Blinking in surprise, Donald looked at the rippling lake. "Uh, Sora? What was that?"

"Dunno," Sora replied. "I thought it was a Heartless or something at first, but I didn't feel any Darkness emanating from it."

"Cirno!" Another voice cried from the direction that the thing had appeared from. From the trees, something that looked like a little girl appeared, with long, green hair and silver wings with golden, membrane-like edgings. She fearfully stopped when she realised that she'd shown herself to the group they were following, and another girl appeared a moment later from the same place.

This girl was blonde, with a red ribbon tied into her hair, with a white shirt and black dress. Again, Sora couldn't feel any Darkness from these girls, although the blonde one had an energy around her that seemed similar.

Donald, glaring at the flying girls, marched up to them, pointing his staff at the two "Okay, who are you? What do you want?"

The green-haired girl glanced fearfully at Donald, then at her friend, who glared right back at Donald, feeling no intimidation.

"You're the ugliest looking youkai I've ever seen." The girl stated, and Donald gave her a look of confusion, then rage.

"Ugly? Say that again, you brat!" Donald quacked angrily.

"Ugly!"

Goofy placed a hand on Donald's arm before he could throw a Fire spell at the girls. "Now now, let's calm down!"

"So what's the deal with you?" Sora asked the girls.

Before they could reply however, something from the lake splashed its way upward, and the group turned their heads to see the ice-blue mass from earlier, which turned out to be yet another girl, roughly a head smaller than her friends.

Her hair, eyes and clothing all seemed to be an identical blue shade, with a shirt that couldn't decide if it was also blue, or just white, and had six, crystalline wings sprouting from her back. She was also barefoot, sopping wet, and incredibly annoyed.

"A lucky swing, that one! I was aiming for the lake anyway, but you almost got me!" The girl, who was apparently 'Cirno', declared.

Snorting in amusement, Sora turned to face the girl, wondering if they had arrived in some sort of Neverland extension. "Oh? And why did you attack us anyway?"

The other two girls flew to the blue one's side as she cleared her throat, then Cirno pointed dramatically at the three below them. "Simple! We were told by a reliable source that a group of three super-evil people were terrorising the place with their monsters! As the strongest creature alive, it is my duty to stop you!"

The strongest? Sora, Donald and Goofy thought with amusement. Somehow, they doubted that very much. it sounded like childish bragging to them.

"Are you sure that's us?" Sora asked. "Because we're undoubtably good guys!"

"Ha!" Cirno laughed. "Please! I know it's you from the descriptions!"

Pointing at Sora, Cirno recited, "The leader is a stupid looking boy with a stupid hairdo, stupid clothes, and the stupidest weapon ever!"

"W-what?" Sora gasped, while Donald snickered.

Cirno then pointed to the laughing duck. "And his magician accomplice is an ugly looking duck who is also stupid!"

It was Donald's turn (again) to feel enraged, and was about to throw a Thunder spell at the infuriating girl when Goofy held him back once again.

"Finally..." Cirno pointed at Goofy. "... Uh, the goofy looking one?"

"Guess that's me!" Goofy chuckled.

"But 'stupid' sounds better, so you're also stupid!"

"Well, that's not very nice..." Goofy admonished lightly.

Sighing and shaking his head, Sora said to the girls, "Well whoever told you is wrong. We aren't here to terrorise anything! In fact, we're here to see if we can help out with that kind of problem!"

"Lies!" Cirno declared loudly, her voice echoing around the forest. "Now, enough pointless banter! Now is the time to fight like men! And youkai! And youkai who dress like stupid! For Cirno... It is icin' time!"

The trio looked at each other in confusion. "...Did any of you understand that part?" Sora asked.

"Not at all." Donald growled, still looking incredibly annoyed with the girl.

"Initiating Boss Battle!" Cirno shouted, blue lights beginning to form in her hands. The two girls with Cirno moved away, positioning themselves in a trianglular formation. "Daiyousei! Rumia! Let us purge Gensokyo of this evil!"

Lolita.

"Gee, D.W.," Launchpad said, "If I didn't know you any better, I'd almost say you're personally jealous over Gosalyn's friends."

The downright murderous, Negaduck-worthy stare his friend shot him was more than enough to silence him.

Odd. Had he just blushed under the mask?

The Light of Our Eyes.

"Without you, our days would be much darker," Negaduck angrily told Megavolt. "That isn't intended to be praise, by the way."

Two Sides to EVERYTHING.

Joker chuckled and reshuffled the deck. "So, changing the theme, there's something I've always wondered. You are dual at everything, right? Double this, double that, bi-this, bi-that..."

Two-Face scoffed. "Your point?"

The low, evil throaty chuckle came out again. "Soooo... are you of TWO minds about... you know... nudge nudge, wink wink?"

Two-Face merely stared at Joker, frowning.

But the clown was unfazed. "You know... Do you play at both sides of the fence? You'd have to! You can't be dual at everything if you aren't, well, dual about everything!"

Two-Face thought it over, then flipped a coin, catching it before Joker could see the result.

Dent looked at the coin in his hand firmly held in his palm, the fingers shielding it like a most valued treasure. "No, I'm not like that."

Joker scowled. "Are you lying to me because the coin told ya so?"

Two-Face flipped the coin again, once more catching it before Joker can see the result.

Two-Face once more looked at the coin in his hand. "No, I'm not lying."

"..." Joker said.

"Why the question?" Dent snarked. "Are you interested?"

Mockingly, the buffoon snickered and began to shuffle the cards. "Not today. I have a headache. Heh, and they say you don't have a sense of humor..."

Futility

That night, after the funeral, Scott heard knocks at the door. It was Jean's soft way of knocking. He ran for the door, thinking she might be back, somehow.

But it was only the heavy rain rapping on the door.

Separation Anxiety.

"It's not you, really. It's just the pathologically jealous and possessive alien symbiote grafted to my being," Peter said.

"Riiiiiight..." Mary Jane rolled her green eyes.

The downright murderous, Negaduck-worthy his friend shot him was more than enough to silence him.

patologically

Mockingly, the buffoon snickered

Or love-child of both