Writing a romance subplot that doesn't George Lucas suck?

The sequel to the first book I've written, as I've intended from the beginning, involves the main character becoming so disenchanted with the internet trolls who have dissed him for being related to war criminals, and the curse that hunts them down that's on his head as a result of their douchebaggery, that he decides to hook up with an onryo single mother who's pretty much raising a cross between the kid from The Grudge and Hit-Girl.

Of course, to understand why this might have happened, the main character is a half-Japanese, half-German man who's related to war criminals who's been hunting down the Nui-Gui (Chinese equivalent of the onryo) for quite some time, and he's getting tired of it, so when he meets this woman after returning her lost-in-the-supermarket (read, bookshop) daughter to her, they hit it off since they're both pretty dorky and have similar interests. Only dilemma is that, because the main character's trying to balance his university animation degree and babysitting this chick's undead kid (who by the way grows up over time with maturity, as per the rules of ghost children in this universe) - he doesn't exactly have time to care much about how 4chan has been down for a week out of fear the curse might come back and Kill Em All.

How do I make this not a Romantic Plot Tumor, and is my concept of a jaded internet troll fighting a creepypasta deciding love is more important for a while not sucky in portraying realistically that a guy might not be too happy saving the lives of trolls who diss him and call themselves usernames like Thunderhitler if he could find more meaning in helping a Hot Mother's undead kid thrive and become a well educated woman?

And yes, "Onryo single mother" is officially a plot premise. Help?

This all sounds so awesome then I hear you have ghost kids. A guy fighting internet trolls and being related to a war criminal and falling in love sounds like an uber awesome story, but where does the super natural come into play? Maybe it is just too much awesome packed into there with that element added, but I don't know what kind of creepy pasta is there so maybe the girl is one.

It sounds like a package of dynamite that would kill anyone who would read it from pure awesomeness light.

Btw is Slenderman in any of these two books? If so, I must read it.

edited 27th May '11 3:25:34 AM by jasonwill2

Oh, it's more exciting than it sounds. Not only is the onryo chick the person who was responsible for their being "no American military casualties" during the "capture" of Osama Bin Laden (Read: they pretty much use the more violent undead as black ops, and considering a ghost can't be hurt by bullets in this universe, who is truly fucked, the onryo who goes in that bunker "unarmed" or Bin Laden who's so freaked out that she's impenetrable by bullets that even he knows not even a human shield can save him?)

The onryo woman and the kid are there for more than just romance reasons, they're there to illustrate that unlike the more mild ghosts in the series, more violent ghosts like Nu-Gui and Onryo are being trained as unliving paramilitary weapons in exchange for them being able to walk on cold blooded murder charges every time, say, the little onyro girl guts a pederast like sushi because that's how her mother taught her those who hurt women and children truly deserve as per the Onryo code. And from the legit lore I looked up, that's pretty much how they roll. They're like Rapunzels of Doom who wrap you up in their hair to kill you as it extends, or worse.

Fear not, dear reader, they're not just there for the romance, I actually planned for them to be part of the larger plot to illustrate how the undead army black ops subplot from the last book is developing. They do stuff that's pretty much as awesome/horrifying as the male characters. Rest assured they're much more interesting to read about than just Anakin and Padme. They have a life outside just the main character warming up to them, and he has to adjust to things as per their after-lifestyle.

For some reason I can only write dysfunctional romantic relationships, so I can't help you. Like at all.

edited 27th May '11 3:48:41 AM by annebeeche

Well, the way to keep it from being a romantic plot tumor is to make sure it doesn't take over the plot. Have much of the romantic stuff take place off-screen, just include enough that people know a romance is going on.

I find the best way to avoid bad romance is to avoid romance at all, personally.

edited 27th May '11 2:30:44 PM by deuxhero

Considering the first book was about a guy who wanted to get some action but couldn't get any in the first book, and the second book is pretty much a deconstruction of the infamous "bros before hos" internet logic in the context of a horrible internet curse caused by a WWII ghost while the main character realises the people he'd been trying to save are kind of dicks, I think the way I've sorted out the romance is kind of good considering it allows a relevant character who does stuff in the plot unrelated to smooching him, to enter the story and fix some of the problems.

This was not so much a plot tumor as how I planned it from the beginning. But I could still use some advice since I am past the Protection from Editors teen writer phase.