Too much information?

Inspired by the seemingly perennial discussions about the content of Troper Tales. It strikes me that one of the underlying issues here is: "How much of the details of your personal life is it sensible to disclose on the Internet? And at what point, if any, can others call: "Too much information!""

Obviously, this is also a massive issue on all social networking sites (e.g. Facebook) and, in fact, any websites where you can post. So where do people think the line should be drawn? I personally apply the presumption that I don't tell people on-line anything I wouldn't tell someone I know in a bar, and probably less if I don't know those on-line well. Outdated attitude?

Please keep this fairly general as specific issues with this wiki need to be dealt with under Wiki Talk.

"Well, it's a lifestyle"

Same for me. I only tell people on the internet stuff I'd be comfortable telling acquaintances. Then again, I'm pretty open and odd in some ways, so I'd probably be more comfortable talking about my private life online than some people.

I think TMI definitely comes into play when you're getting explicit updates on someone's love life, or their trip to the doctor. No-one needs to hear about that.

edited 1st May '11 6:30:51 AM by DanEile

"You can only come to the morning through the shadows."

I do generally like to give much more information than I would in real life. Mainly because on the internet, there are no real (social) repercussions of giving such information since your "identity" is something temporary at best and because of that, it's harder for me to be ashamed of giving "too much information".

Not everyone sees it that way, of course. What I'd be interested in: Would the same also go for 4chan, where everyone is anonymous in the truest sense possible?

edited 1st May '11 6:56:34 AM by Excelion

Murrl LustFatM

I always give as vague details as possible except when it's relevant to the discussion. And then I avoid discussions that I'd rather not get into (such as "what do you look like?" I'd rather not have my face associated with my handles, simple as that).

At least for social network sites, I think to myself, "would I be willing to shout this out randomly in public?" And if I would not, I do not say it. I might be willing to bend a little on sites where I am relatively anonymous or my screen name as built up something, but in general I still stick by this rule.

Because things you say on the internet can be seen by almost anyone who wants to. And unlike random things you shout out in public, hard evidence will continue to exist over time, sometimes even if you delete what you said or if the site goes down.

I'm working on it.

I agree on the pictures front, and certainly in relation to my love life (ho,ho). I don't think the world's interested in that and even if it is, I'm not letting it know.

Of course, TMI does tend to come up in relation to sex quite a bit. I think you can distinguish between general issues like sexual orientation (which you might only feel comfortable discussing online if LBGT) and "the gruesome details" which I would say are usually TMI. Unfortunately, I can't help out re 4chan as I have never visited that particular Wretched Hive. I'm sure someone has.

"Well, it's a lifestyle"

I've probably spread enough information for anyone really determined to find out exactly who I am. They've all been for various different topics, but still it's pretty stupid of me.

If you don't like a single Frank Ocean song, you have no soul.

I don't think it's an outdated attitude you have there. I think it's easy to describe it as sensible over anything else.

I don't like being too restrictive with myself though. Many people will defend the Internet today as a legit place to meet new people and then, potentially, slowly slot them into your 'real life', albeit with some unique considerations. Sometimes it turns out horribly (perhaps an exaggeration), but perhaps I'm just on the more optimistic end of that scale here. As a creative guy desperately in need of some networking exercise from time to time, it's worked out quite well for me in the past.

Maybe stating the obvious, but I see entire sites as having their own levels of what's considered to be TMI over an individual's tastes, so it's a user's 'responsibility' to figure out where it is when they log in to somewhere in particular. It's not usually too hard a task, the lines tend to draw themselves. I for one consider the majority of Troper Tales to be little snapshots appropriate for Troper Tales, if that makes sense.

Just addin', I don't have anything like a perfect record in this department. In the decade or so that I've been online (probably a rookie compared to many others here), I've made a few mistakes in my organising my e-life... Live and learn?

I tell people things online that I would be comfortable with sharing with acquaintances and family members in real life. Said things just happen to involve everything which includes "very disturbing" things. The more comfortable I get with a group the more information I will share. So I will go from talking about how hot I think that waitress is to the story of how my major fetishes (rape, being beaten, being demeaned, just sadomasochism all up in the place really) and phantom penis revealed themselves to me at the age of 8 or so. It doesn't take me long to reach that level of familiarity. It doesn't take long for my acquaintances to become well aware of my insanity and the fact that I like sharing everything ever.

I don't share absolutely everything right from the get go not because I myself am uncomfortable sharing that information, but because I am uncomfortable with frightening off potential friends. Hence why I must wait to already have them safely within my grasp.

edited 1st May '11 11:45:31 AM by Aondeug

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah

I had no idea you were into sadomasochism! Learn something new every day, I guess.

... Yeah. I suppose sharing like this with something I've never met could be construed as a little odd.

edited 1st May '11 11:45:27 AM by DanEile

"You can only come to the morning through the shadows."

I am indeed! As I said it displayed itself rather early on in my childhood. I apparently developed rather early in such regards...

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah

@Aondeung - I think I remember you mentioning the phantom penis somewhere before. Which is never a sentence I thought I'd type, but hey. These are very individual judgments and I think how much you think you should share probably varies between nationalities/ethnic groups and perhaps also between men and women.

"Well, it's a lifestyle"

Most recently was in that castration thread though it's typically mentioned in any threads relating to gender identity here.

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah

All right, all right, let's not derail the topic with discussion of Aondeug's phantom penis (definitely a sentence I never thought I'd type).

"You can only come to the morning through the shadows."

Everything I say online, I would likely be happy to say to people in real life.

Not to everyone, but to friends? Certainly.

As for what information should be shared...I don't really think people should be so uppity and concerned about many things, but at the same time I do think that people who feel comfortable with sharing everything (like me) should have the tact to remember that we are the weird ones and guide our speech remembering this. Whether it is because we are actually concerned about disturbing them or whether it is because we don't want to lose friends or get fired. There's plenty of reason and incentive to not go around telling people about your guro fetish. As it is though I wish the world was more ok with talking about everything including offensive jokes and what we do in bed. In general I just wish people who calm the fuck down and not care so much.

ALAS.

They do not as a whole...so...TACT. LEARN IT. NOW.

edited 1st May '11 12:08:54 PM by Aondeug

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah

I consciously try to be really vague about my meatspace identity. I don't think I've ever told anybody online what my gender is or even which continent I live in. At least with my current oline handles. I had a You Tube account which automatically displayed which country I was from*

. Haven't used that account in years, and I don't think I've ever linked that account to any of my current online identities (As in the ones listed on my troper page).

edited 1st May '11 1:42:37 PM by EaterOfPizza

I tend to be pretty open about who I am (full name, hometown, etc - I don't try to hide) and I personally think it's pretty silly to be too protective of your identity. Generally speaking nobody's out to get you.

I personally don't get squicked by other people's fetishes and what have you so I don't have much of a TMI response. I think someone should be able to say anything they like about themselves as publically as they like as long as anyone who reads is going to be forewarned about what they're reading.

Everything is best in moderation.

Am I the only one who is more comfortable revealing darker secrets online than in real life? I would have trouble opening up to a friend or a psychologist, no matter how close that friend or responsible that psychologist. Not having to actually say the words feels less embarrassing.

Same here, with the added bonus that internet people can't laugh at you in the face.

Yeah, I'm pretty open. My full name is on my troper page, my actual location can be seen right ^ there, and I'll pretty much give you any detail you want, within reason. I have nothing to hide, and no reason to be oh-so-mysteriously anonymous.

Actually, something just crossed my mind re: fetishes and the like.

I personally don't believe I have any issues with it at all. Heck, I like to dabble in those sorts of things myself fairly often. Strangely, I opened up some of my feelings to people I know in real life before I started researching stuff on the 'net, I'm not sure if that's a rarity for people my age now. 'net certainly helped me map myself though.

What I meant to bring up is that some adult websites have divides between faceless folk and those going all out with any pictures or videos they make and upload. Being adult sites, the places are always fine with either, but some of the 'debates' can be quite shockingly condescending. I can understand people trying to hide their identities while at the same time embracing something that gets them all hot and bothered. A lot of the reasons come down to 'my partner's career' or something similar.

It's a bit depressing seeing people swear over these divides, and I'm unsure as to whether the numerous 'Facebook gets person fired' news stories thrown around occasionally have helped or worsened the ordeal. I'll go with the latter, probably.

The Internet Is Facebook. Future Trope?

Kudos to captainbrass for starting this, it's really interesting.

Personally, I feel pretty strongly about the honesty thing — I feel it's important to be consistently honest. Sure, that doesn't require disclosure per se, but I aim to disclose as a way of keeping myself honest.

A sense of TMI — I have none*

, WRT things I hear/see. Everything is fascinating even if it's also horrifying*

^{which doesn't mean I'll actively seek it out — I sure don't have a guro fetish.}

.To some degree, I regard those who do have a sense of TMI, as pathetic — preferring a circumscribed existence to full contact with reality.(nothing personal towards anyone here meant, I just need to explain this in order to make the rest of my comments make sense)

On Facebook I just say and do as close to nothing as possible; Probably I've been affected by the various scares. (but also, I just don't want it to suck up my time)

Otherwise, I generally share, well, whatever. I actively dislike TMI-sense in others and think it's bad for them and anyone around them to have, so I'm quite happy to share things I know they'll feel uncomfortable about — disconnection from reality is no virtue. I'll only modify my behaviour when I know a freakout will result in something definitely bad. I probably don't volunteer stuff as much as I could, though, due to foolish thinking-too-much. Am working on that.

In general I have an extreme confidence that others can't manipulate me using information I provide. I still avoid providing large lumps of directly identifying information either online or offline, but I'm also almost compulsively honest, so if you surprise me, I'll probably tell the answer reflexively.

EDIT: Re: tact: To clarify, I'm all for accurate social calibration. However, if someone has a problem with some subjects/ideas, and you work around it rather than saying what you think, you have done that person and yourself a disservice, by taking on their problem rather than requiring them to deal with it themselves. Sometimes this is more expedient, but I prefer to avoid it anyway if at all possible.

Re: It's interesting to me to mention, I don't have a normal sense of dignity. Either my sense of dignity is tough as nails, or it's nonexistent. I guess I remain resolute in demeanour in general, so perhaps the former. Odd, since whenever I catch myself thinking about whether something would be undignified, I'm like 'F*** off, dignity.' (and then,often, I do whatever it was 'undignified')

WRT to verbosity.. I really tend to want to talk like a book, with exacting languages, footnotes and such. But that doesn't actually communicate well, so I end up saying about 1/32 of what I actually want to say. When I'm actually quite relaxed and babbling, I probably talk like about 12.5% of a book . I'm really aware that less is more WRT communication, and I tend to consider it a little disrespectful to babble at someone. but that's crap. Therefore, rhodesian pies assault your turpitude.. (I suspect I'm a little sleep deprived)

Personally, I have no sense of privacy. I suspect I would like it, if I tried it.

EDIT 2: Also, if this post is not self demonstrating, then it is wrong. Otherwise it is right.

edited 3rd May '11 1:32:51 AM by SavageOrange

'Don't beg for anything, do it yourself, or else you won't get anything.'

I don't have a normal sense of dignity—that is to say, there are things that embarrass me, but they're not the things that embarrass everyone else. However, I care a lot about what other people think of me, so I volunteer information according to what I think other people will want to hear. Given that I'm not good at reading people, and that I tend to play it safe when I'm not sure what someone will accept, I wind up not saying much. (That said, I have less of a problem on the Internet than in real life—I still have to worry about offending people, but I assume that if I'm merely boring someone they'll skip over my post.)

That's Feo . . . He's a disgusting, mysoginistic, paedophilic asshat who moonlights as a shitty writer—Something Awful

I value privacy a lot, even if I'm not always as careful with it as I should. Really, I have few problems with people being stupid and giving away too much information; that's their prerogative and their damage, but I really have a problem with companies or the state gathering our data without our assent or even without our knowledge.

On the matter of data privacy and the like I'm very much a Pirateist ;)

Unbent, Unbowed, Unbroken. Unrelated ME1 Fanfic

While I'm pretty OK with TMI in terms of gross medical disorders, etc, I dislike TMI posts about people's sex lives.

Part of that is probably due to the fact that I'm not used to taking about that sort of thing. I find it difficult to hear that sort of information without being a little squicked out whenever I see that person later. In a forum like this, I like to be able to talk to people without that sort of embarrassment in the way.

I think it's a good thing that in this forum 'sex talk' is sequestered away in a few threads, because then I can just avoid those threads.

Be not afraid...