ITT: 4 Yorkshiremen

Simple: Try and out do the previous poster about your miserable childhood, a la 4 Yorkshiremen. Try to make your post at least related to the previous. (Note that there can and should be more than 4 players) For example,

• Player 1: Aye, it's a good sketch. Mind you when we were young we were too poor to afford a full sketch, we had to make do with just a single joke written on the back of and old bus ticket

Player 2: You were lucky to have a joke at all. All we could afford was the words "Knock knock" carved into the back of a dead fly. 

Player 3: You were lucky to have a dead fly..we had to pull our own Teeth out every evening..just so we could get 10 pence from the Tooth Fairy, who would then charge us 20 pence to visit and then poke us in the eye and take our toothbrush..

Well, you get the idea.

To start:

TV Tropes is a nice place. I didn't have such a thing when I was young. All I had was a single trope example written into an old note-pad.

edited 3rd Apr '11 4:51:56 PM by SantosLHalper

A note pad? Ha, luxury! In my day we has to use our arms to write down anything we wanted! And we didn't have fancy pens, oh no. We had to carve the messages with dull pieces of flint!

You're lucky you had a rock at all. I lived on soil and we had to carve messages into each piece of soil with a butter knife.

Oh, look at you with yer fancy butter knives. Out in the swamp we had to catch ourselves a bird anytime we wanted to write anything. And that mud wouldn't hold a message, so it was our own torsos else it wasn't worth writin' anyhow.

Bird? BIRD?! We 'ad to pull out our own teeth to write on our torsos.

Well, weren't you lucky? At least yours weren't all rotten out before they even broke through yer gums!

Teeth? TEETH? What a lucky child. We had to use our fingernails to scratch messages on our craniums!

edited 3rd Apr '11 4:41:00 PM by SantosLHalper

Oh, what I would give to scratch what I had to write on my cranium. We had to break open our rib cages and scratch things right on our lungs!

Well, sorry, but I ain't changing my post just because you changed yours. You're too slow.

And I'm too slow, too!

edited 3rd Apr '11 2:34:18 PM by SeanMurrayI

I kind of changed my post.

Hah! When I was young we only had 1 lung, that all 50 of us had to share!

edited 3rd Apr '11 2:33:12 PM by SantosLHalper

And you had your own oxygen? Every minute we had to travel 300 miles to the jungle and back just for a minute of oxygen!

edited 3rd Apr '11 3:19:50 PM by Reecer6

You got a whole minute?!?!? Why, in my day, you were lucky if you won a chance to suck the carbon dioxide from plant roots after a full days work at the mustard gas laboratory!

Oh, you're lucky you 'ad mustard gas! Back in my day all we 'ad was mercury fumes t'at we pickpocketed from mad 'atters!

LUXURY! In my day, we had to work in the Chemical Weapons factory for 25 hours a day, and we were exposed to no less than 3000 toxic gases every hour!

What I would 'av giv'en to have some toxic fumes! In my day, we 'ad nuttin but burning ash!

Burning ash was everything my family got! All 47 of us crammed in a tiny crack in a cement wall and just barely managing to survive all thanks to burning ash. It did everything for us; it gave us something to make clothing out of... and eat... bathe in... and all the rest of those other things, too. And we worked for twelve days every week directly in the fire to keep getting more burning ash!

edited 4th Apr '11 12:31:23 PM by SeanMurrayI

I dreamed of living in a cement crack... there were 30 000 000 of us all crammed into a Rotifer cadaver. Every morning ten years before we were born we had to get up and clean up the ocean. Then we would go and work 5000 hours every day at the Black Hole Factory for 1/100th of a mill every millenium and had to pay for our our equipment. Then when we came home dad would drop atomic bombs on us if we were lucky. If we were unlucky, the Rotifer would come back to life and eat us all. And the only thing we had as sustenance were ELECTRONS!

edited 4th Apr '11 12:56:45 PM by SantosLHalper

Electrons! Hark at this one, lucky enough to have electrons! We had to eat quarks, and even then that was only as a birthday treat! Every other day our dad would take our component atoms and use them to play Frisbee with our pet bison Squaffles! And let me tell you, Squaffles had the sharpest teeth you could imagine!

There's actually a cheese called a "Quark"

edited 4th Apr '11 1:35:36 PM by SantosLHalper

Bumps? Back in my day we never bumped threads; we all had to create a new thread whenever we wanted to revive a new topic!

At least you could create a new thread! Long ago only Mods could create new threads!

Am I doing this right?

Yes.

Spoiled brat! Back in my days, only admins could create new threads, and they had to travel 20 miles through snow uphill both ways to file a proposal to create a new thread, and thanks to red tape we only had a new thread being created once every 27 000 years!

Oh, you believe that that's terrible? Back in my day only the creator of the website could make new threads. Only he could do so, and he was barely there! Creators lose interest, so soon, no new threads could be made!

Oh, don't get me started on creators! We had to randomly come up with ideas for threads until one emerged from what was left of our brains that actually sounded good! And even then, you couldn't tell if it'd stick around for a while or not!

At least your threads stuck around half-the-time! My threads left me for another website! I don't even have a website!

At least your threads ran away! Mine tried to strangle me, now they trash my house and punch my neck!