Polyamory

Dude they're called boundaries

I really don't consider the book that highly, a useful read for sure but it was written in the 70s.

It's been updated recently. At any rate, do you have more modern recommendations?

Well no, but I'm sure I can find something.

Personally I would resent a relationship based of the rules of a self help book. But there is a lot to be said for having everybody on the same page.

Ehhe

I never even knew there was a book on the subject

It's not the book itself that matters, but taking intelligent, careful, cautious steps forward. You don't need a specific Road Code, but you need to updtade on the body of common sense and wisdom developed by previous practitioners, and get a good feel for the different failure modes and how to avert them.

Oh they are making a film...

That's going to suck...

That was seven years ago; looks like it's in Development Hell.

let's hope it stays there

With the notable exception of Mean Girls every single movie based on a self-help book has been.. how can we put it? Complete and utter crap.

Hollywood might be liberated from the sexual values of yesteryear but it's still trapped in the mindset We would end up with some sorts of ideological Frankenstein in the shape of a modern romantic comedy which will claim to celebrate Ethical Slutty, while insuring everyone who's practices it ends up with nothing but heartbreak, loneliness, dishonour, and death.

edited 12th Nov '13 7:16:12 PM by joeyjojo

YO! British Columbia FTW!

Fucking awesome!

I'm hoping that laws will be passed allowing multiple marriages/civil unions soon.

Our amended Matrimonial Property Act - which basically recognised same-sex couples long before the Civil Union Act and the recent Marriage reforms (now no couple may be excluded from getting married under NZ law) - technically covers de facto poly groups by not specifically excluding them (after all, if A and B's relationship is covered, so must A and C's relationship be), so it's not much of a step to enable existing groups to become officially recognised (with appropriate additions to the forms to prove that all those concerned are indeed consenting).

While that's a great step for polyamourous groups, does it mark out who are the genetic parents and who are the, well, other parents? Only because it's really important to know for genetic histories and inherited diseases.

The parents (all of them) probably know. And you can bet that people with a risk of genetic disease will have their babies tested for those diseases.

Two lesbians and their male friend are not really a Polygamous group are they?

edited 12th Feb '14 4:21:25 PM by joeyjojo

It's a start, especially if they'll raise the baby together. That is the essence of marriage, not couplehood.

Is it? It's a lesbian couple and their male friend. Emphasis on the friend.

Call me a romantic but I consider love between all parties the essence of marriage. Something clearly lacking here.

edited 12th Feb '14 4:56:35 PM by joeyjojo

As far as I'm concerned, the sole purpose of marriage is child-rearing; in-love-ness between the members is not necessary. Complete trust and mutual respect are, the ability and willingness to live together, manage a household together, and present a united, reliable front in the face of the numerous problems that proper child rearing entails. Other than that, there's no need to get binded together like that.

Except for the part where one's relatives would steal one's grieving lover's inheritance from them. That's just sick.

I guess at the end of day all marriages is about is commitment.

Such as the commitment to steal from the recently widowed.

Okay, so, I'm new here. However, I looked around and saw this polyamory discussion thread, so I figured I'd throw my hat into the discussion.

I'm in a polyamorous open relationship, although it is currently a bit segmented. Three of us live in one area, and the other two in another place, for reasons not relevant to the relationship, nor this discussion. Of the five, I am by far the youngest, at 21. We are all men.

I've known for years that I wasn't meant to be monogamous. I accepted pretty early on that I was not right for exclusivity, and I have always been up-front about it since. I discovered polyamory at eighteen, and it fit. I've been in a dedicated and loving open polyamorous relationship most of my adult life. So I'm here to answer questions people may have about the world of gay, open, poly relationships.

I will say that it's not for everyone, and that it takes a lot of effort to make it work. I'm fortunately not the jealous type, so that always helps.

edited 19th Feb '14 4:18:50 PM by Kairne

How do the logistics of a relationship with multiple partners work?

Well, currently, it's like this

A, B, and C live together, and to the outside world, function as a triad.

D and E live in another place, but we do make visits to them.

A and D, and B and E, are couples, in addition to that.

We emphasise openness and honesty in the relationship, so that if someone is starting to feel left out, ignored, or unappreciated, we can address that and make sure their needs are being met. We engage in activities together, but also sometimes do our own thing, depending on individual tastes and needs.

As far as being open sexually, I'll only touch upon it briefly, but we have a few rules we follow for sex outside the relationship, and if any of us, for example, B, has any significant objection to one of us, such as A, playing with a certain guy, it's encouraged for B to speak to A about it, gently and calmly. From there, the two can get to the bottom of why B feels uncomfortable with it, and resolve it, either by setting B's mind at ease, or not hooking up. That's where I'm leaving that.

D is the patriarch of the family as a whole, and A (myself) is secondary patriarch, and the one with more authority in the functional triad.

This family is also a leather family, however, so the way ours functions is probably not at all like most other gay poly open relationships work. I hope this helped give you insight.

Leather family? You guys run a tannery as a joint business?

I think it's a BDSM term in this context.

Dammit, man!

edited 20th Feb '14 4:11:16 PM by TheHandle

It bothers me that in order to support marriage equality, I'm expected to be opposed to polyamorous relationships:

Say what?