PI
Relax. A lot of stories revolve around the main character. That's why the story is about them. It sounds fine.
The Fantastic Racism with the mages kinda bugs me. Make it a plausible racism, not people just don't like mages just because (an annoying cliche). There were dangerous mages who at one point were a big threat to the people, mages are traditionally exploited for labor, something like that.
Power Incontinence might be interesting, because not only is the prejudice against mages plausible (they accidentally cause harm), but now your princess has to struggle to get her special ability under control, and her special ability is not unambiguously positive.
edited 29th Dec '10 4:59:10 PM by melloncollie
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Double post.
edited 29th Dec '10 5:04:26 PM by risingdreamer
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~Russel Baker
Insert witty title here
Dae Bray: Thanks! She's one of the main characters, so it's okay?
melloncollie: there's a reason for the fantastic racism, I hope it makes sense.
In the world my story is set, everything has a life energy, and this life energy should be stable, or else (by else, I mean "horrible death").
Except some people and all elves are born with very unstable half energy. But there's a fancy upside (or not): there's a way to make their energies stable: unstable energies allows them to get energy from the Gods, which makes their life energies stable for a while and gives them powers.
I was thinking of having bacteria that only host themselves in those with unstable energies and allowed that to happen.
There's also a explanation for Personality Powers but I'm not going into that now, unless you ask ^^'.
So, why the fantastic racism? Due to religion, and some cruel and dangerous mages in the past.
But mainly religious: most religions consider heresy drawing energy from the Gods without their permission (the Gods don't give two craps about that, though, as they have enough energy to spare). Some people with no powers actually think like the Gods.
Liked the point on Power Incontinence, though. That would have been common on mages and one more reason for the Fantastic Racism.
edited 29th Dec '10 5:06:09 PM by risingdreamer
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~Russel Baker
Doesn't sound implausible, just don't present it as characters persecuting your protagonist because of her specialness.
The unstable energies thing does sound a bit like Power Incontinence.
edited 29th Dec '10 5:06:12 PM by melloncollie
Insert witty title here
Thanks. I'm having sympathetic characters don't be crazy about mages as well.
Also, should I keep the bacteria thing? And Lily having some elven blood, or that's dumb?
edited 29th Dec '10 5:07:41 PM by risingdreamer
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~Russel Baker
Whatever you go with for the explanation, explain simply and efficiently. At least, that's what matters more than specifics when it comes to explanations of supernatural happenings.
And don't sweat it about the princess becoming a Mary Sue. Stories call for protagonists, even purely good ones. It gets the reader to pull for the protagonist's success, making them keep reading. (I'm a broken record today![[lol]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/lol2v12_4863.png "[lol]"){kind=small}
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It sounds like a cool story, BTW.
Excuse-me, but I need some help. And also, forgive me for the other post, I made a typo in the tittle and can't edit it.
I'm having trouble with a sidestory in a story I'm writting. Lily is a princess who ran away from her kingdom because some innocent people got hurt in assassination attempt against her.
Why an assassination attempt? Because Lily is a secretly mage, something she got from her late mother, and mages are target of fantastic racism. Some nobles found out and tried to off her. She ran because she didn't anyone to get hurt because of her. Lily is smart and brave, but very impulsive. She's no rebellious princess, and is a bit of a realist.
People would have assumed she got kidnapped, but eventually, the knews of her being a witch would leak. I'm thinking about someone finding a letter Lily's late mother wrote to the king that mentioned it.
She would met the heroine, befriend her and the heroine would eventually get hurt trying to protect her from a second assassination attempt.
I intended Lily to don't know what to do for a while, decide going on a journey to find a cure of sorts for the heroine, as she got hurt trying to saving her. There's also the little fact death got kidnapped. Lily being Lily, decided helping the people trying to find death again.
Eventually, Lily's journey would lead her back to her kingdom. She would learn that now everyone knows she's a witch and that people didn't react the way she and her father predicted: half of the kingdom did hate the news and wanted her and her father to get the fuck out of the throne, the other half (mages, those who don't care about fantastic racism and those who are loyal to the king and the princess even though they aren't crazy about mages). In the end, people would calm the fuck down, thanks to the fact Lily and her father, with the help of a bunch of characters saved the kingdom from a crazy necromancer.
I'm kind of confused on how to pull that one off without making Lily a sue. She does have a personality and her flaws (she's very impulsive, has bits of a temper and suffers the consequences of it) but still...
I do know that things shouldn't revolve around her, that she should be flawed and the people shouldn't go on and on about her qualities, but still, I'm confused.
edited 29th Dec '10 4:54:51 PM by risingdreamer
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~Russel Baker