We’re gonna die, aren’t we? Let’s play Zettai Hero Project!:
Thank you for your understanding.
However, it will be one, huge, epic battle!!
Thank you for your understanding.”
… Oh god yes. (Awesomepoints +1) Next up, the game intro. “IN THE YEAR 20XX, ASHES OF HELLFIRE…”
“Rather, a lovely prophecy of a baby…”
Talk about awkward transitions. In any case, the intro tells us the current state of affairs: There’s a baby, called the Super Baby, born on the 6th hour of the 6th day of the 6th month, who is prophesized to be the savior of the world. Wait, what?
However, evil is always a footstep away. As an evil dude is always there to ruin the day: Today’s is the Demon General, Darkdeath Evilman. (Awesomepoints +1)
And that’s when the title screen appears. So, new game, gooooo! ================================== We cut to “Tokyo, in a suburb somewhere”, though the background is vaguely reminding of a military base. Yeah, let's not dwell on that.
A TV reporter, Medeia, brings us up to date: Darkdeath Evilman has kidnapped Super Baby, and is threatening to destroy the world! Meanwhile, everyone is waiting for World’s Most Beloved Superhero, the Absolute Victory Unlosing Ranger to come over here and kick Darkdeath’s ass!
… But he’s running late? We cut to the Ranger, running to the Suburb Somewhere.
“Crap crap crap! How could I oversleep on my date with destiny?!”
Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!
Oh well, at least he’ll arrive and then the world will be saved yet again! Wait, did he just get run over by a car?
fffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Current Awesomepoint Count: 3. EDIT: Also, important important, name. In the next entry I'll enter a name for our main character, and for pure interactiveness, I'll let you guys think of one.
However, there's also a Random Name Generator with occasional lulzy results like "I Can Do It".
edited 7th Dec '10 1:38:05 AM by Ralphrius
He’s such a nice guy.
Ranger: “C-can you… Can you tell me your name…?”
Shinji: “I am Shinji. Shinji Mc Kamina von Garstein.” (Awesomepoints + 1000, yes, I’m cheating) Ranger: “Shinji… That’s a name fit for a hero!
Please, Shinji. Can you… Can you save Earth in my stead…?” > Yes
> No Shinji: “Save the world? That’s a bit of a leap ahead of my usual fair… Yes, I know I-“
Ranger: “Yes? Thank you! I’m glad you made that decision…!”
Shinji: “Wait, I never agreed to-“
Ranger: “I’m sure you can defeat the last boss… Darkdeath Evilman…!”
Shinji: “Hey, I-“
Ranger: “Now then… Take this Morphing Belt…”
Shinji: “Damnit, I’m not getting out of this, am I?”
Ranger: “With this, any weakling off the streets can turn into the Unlosing Ranger…”
Shinji: “… What the hell did you call me?”
Ranger: “The world is now in your hands… Shinji… Ugh! Glargble…” The Absolute Victory Unlosing Ranger… Just lost the game of life.
Shinji: “Oh fuck it all.” Meanwhile, in a Car Somewhere, we see a girl and a boy, both about 20-something. Girl: “Hey! Did we just run over the Unlosing Ranger back there?!”
Boy: “He’s fine, dude. I heard he’s an immortal hero! He can’t die that easily, bro!”
Girl: “B-But… Isn’t the last battle of the century supposed to happen today? What if we just caused the world to end?”
Boy: “…” They decide to check the GPS TV to see how the Last Battle of the Century is going. We then cut back to the Suburb Somewhere.
Darkdeath: “Muahaha! So it seems the Unlosing Ranger has turned tail and run, after all! This proves that neither love nor justice exist in this world! Only pain and darkness! Therefore, heroes don’t exist either! Yes!”
Shinji: “Now hold it right there, you... Lightlife Goodwoman!”
Darkdeath: “What the hell?”
Medeia: “Here he comes, everyone! Our hero, the Unlosing Ranger, is here! They say that heroes arrive in just the nick of time, but this might be a little much! Just look at how fearless he is!” Back at the Car Somewhere, the boy and girl have faith in the Unlosing Ranger winning, so they don’t have to take responsibility for running him over. Girl: “I’ll be able to sleep at night, innocent as the day I was accidentally conceived.”
… Yeah. Darkdeath has some pre-battle banter, and then, the Last Battle of the Century has finally begun!
(Images gooo) Before the battle starts.◊ Oh yeah, this is gonna be awesome!
(Just to clarify, that giant thing is Darkdeath Evilman. The guy in red is our Shinji, and the baby floating is the Super Baby.) The battle itself.◊ … What the fuck.
Shinji: “I WASN’T RUNNING! I tried to strafe around him!” In any case, he slips over a banana peel and recieves a critical hit to his noggin’. The Absolute Victory Unlosing Ranger lost. Again. So, what’s the damage report? Jose Gaspacho died at 93. Cause of death: Shock.
“The Unlosing Ranger… lost? Nooooo!” The 45th US President, Brick Oldllama, decides to put a certain plan in motion.
“With the Unlosing Ranger dead, all responsibility falls unto the United States of America to save the world!” The world-famous Hong Kong psychic, Chitii Wok, delivers a new prophecy.
“Eye cannot sseee tha futuh… Is dere no futuh for dis cookie called Urf?” And thus, the Unlosing Ranger’s death drove the entire Earth into despair. Back at the Car Somewhere… Girl: “H-Hey! The Unlosing Ranger just died! Aren’t we, like, totally screwed? It’s our fault! We killed him!”
Boy: “Sh-Shut up, dude! Th-Then, wat do you want me to do, bro?”
Girl: “I guess, nothing… except… stop calling me bro and dude… It’s not like there’s anything else we can do, right?”
And even the Ranger’s hit and run killers decide to screw it. Darkdeath: “Impossible! How weak could you possibly be?! Is this some kind of mockery? ‘Absolute’ Victory?! ‘Unlosing’ Ranger?! This is the power of the world’s most popular Saturday morning hero?! Then I shall doom this world now! I will destroy this town, the Super Baby, and the rest of humanity!” Shinji: "Fuck... you..." However, at the last possible moment, the Super Baby unleashes a barrier, knocking Shinji into space and protecting herself. We fade out and in, into a… Something Somewhere. Shinji is lying on the ground, and a girl with… kind of childish clothes and a clock around her neck is standing next to him.
Girl: “Hey, you. Wake up.”
Shinji: “Ah, god. That was NOT according to keikaku. *"
Girl: “You don’t have time to be passed out right now. You’re dead, you know?”
Shinji: “What the hell..?!” And so ends the game and the story of the Unlosing Ranger… ... Or Is It? Current Awesomepoint Coint: 1003.
edited 8th Dec '10 2:01:38 AM by Ralphrius
You need to Get Known to get one of those.