Note: The calendar used here has 13 months, 28 days each. Time is measured as on Earth, but AM and PM are replaced with "AMd" and "PMd".
The Incipisphere exists for an eternity as an Einsteinian universenote always remaining the same size throughout time and expanding to infinity in time terms. Only Skaias, Prospits, Derses and the Veils of the Skaian systems exist.
Some dream selves start waking up on their planets.
1st Pre-Apocalypse Year (1/) 6-28 12:00 PMd: Lands of everyone appear on the Incipisphere: Land of The Fake Community-Made (Land of Geometry and Portals) for the Business Magnet, Land of Stay Inside (Land of Night and Data) for Aperture Laboratories #157, Land of Blue Portals (Land of Portals and Plates) for the Blue Portals Development Centre, Land of Portal: Prelude (Land of Lamps and Fog) for a past Aperture Science, etc.
1/ 8-??: The Business Magnet connects to the MSPA Forums as they existed on 2012 July 2.
At some point, the Business Magnet manages to bring a copy of Land of the Fake Community-Made, carrying the Warweary and Vriska Serkets.
At some point, the Business Magnet makes a giant unit of shale, which is acquired by interdimensionalPortaller and sends Session #257 flying through the Incipisphere.
1/ 13-1: interdimensionalPortaller enters the Medium along with the Orwellian Reality, submerging themselves within Aperture Laboratories #157. She also contacts MSPA Forums as they existed on 2012 July 2.
Empress Contine Overseer appears briefly to offer interdimensionalPortaller to grant her with her powers.
interdimensionalPortaller first contacts empatheticAmazon.
interdimensionalPortaller is practicing her fourth wall breaking skills, and uses them first to meet empatheticAmazon in person, then to escape to the Earth on 2011 August 8.
1/ 13-28 to 1st Post-Apocalypse Year (1\) 1-1: Equivalent of night from 2012 December 21 to 22 for the Business Magnet.
1\ 2-??: The Business Magnet escapes the Medium into the Seven Hour War.
1\ 6-28: Session #257 forum adventure happens.
GLaDOS from Land of Portal: Prelude receives ATLAS and P-body and begins testing them.
ca. 100\: Alternate Wheatley takes over GLaDOS's place in Land of Portal: Prelude, but is dethroned.
At some point, interdimensionalPortaller brings the three lands of Session #257 and Derse together into one.
9999999999 9999999999 99999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 999999999 9999999999\ 13-28 11:59 PMd: The Incipisphere finally crunches into singularity and re-explodes into our universe.
Note: The events happening in Alternia aren't described here, as they happen unparallel to the Earth and aren't brought up except in Lumina Squires's part, which never interacts with Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise proper.
A few billion years after our universe forms, temporal energy released from various Sburb sessions creates galaxies. The Milky Way galaxy is created by the post-Scratch troll (A2) session.
The Earth forms in the Milky Way galaxy, and sentient life develops there.
1910 January 1: So-called "earliest point" of Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise.
1910 April 13: The Business and GL@DDA Magnets arrive for the first time into the past. They stay for a time, then leave.
1919: Cave Johnson is born.
1920 September 26: Caroline Whoever is born.
ca. 1935: Events of Caroline-on-the-Roof take place. Caroline builds a potato helicopter for a science fair project, but is accidentally flown to where Cave lives, and Cave's parents decide to fund the company that will become Aperture Science.
1943: Both Aperture Science (as Aperture Fixtures) and Black Mesa are founded.
1944: Cave Johnson buys a salt mine at Michigan.
1950s: Aperture Science is at its peak of insanity. Astronauts, war heroes and Olympians are hired to become test subjects.
Mia and William Merchants, Vince Johnson and unknown daughter of Cave and Caroline are born.
Aperture legally becomes bankrupt, moving to underground.
1970s: Aperture begins hiring hobos to be test subjects.
1974 May 20: William Merchant is transferred to what will become Wheatley.
Judith Mossman and Doug Rattmann are born.
1980s: Aperture begins mandatory testing of employees.
1984 June 22: Chell Johnson (interdimensionalPortaller) is born.
Cave Johnson is poisoned by moon dust used to make Conversion Gel. As such, he strikes a deal with the Combine to organize an artificial intelligence project.
1986 October 31: Caroline is taken away for the artificial intelligence project. Cave is barely surviving, requiring what is described as "cheat codes" to survive.
1987 April 27: Era 2 starts following Carla Grant.
Doug Rattmann is hired as a programmer.
1990 March 11: Blue Portals Development Centre is founded by Denis and Carla Grants.
1995 April 17: Skepkitty is born.
1996 April 30: The Aperture Science Business Magnet is born.
1998: Blue Portals Development Centre decides on its direction, which is to build stuff to survive the impending doom.
1998 May 2: GLaDOS is finally activated and proceeds to take down Aperture immediately.
Judith Mossman leaves Aperture for Black Mesa, but is rejected for Gordon Freeman.
1998 May 17: An incident happens at Black Mesa, incapacitating it.
2001 March 30: Invader Zim episodes first air.
2007 October 9: Portal is released.
interdimensionalPortaller is finally caught for her first stasis.
2008 December 24: Work on Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise begins.
2009 April 10: Sburb Beta is released.
2009 April 13: Homestuck begins updating.
2010 March 1: Cave Johnson finally lets himself die and be transferred into Cave-I.
2010 March 10 to October 26: Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time is written.
The Business Magnet from the past catches up with his future self.
2010 November 30: Carla Grant is transferred into 0ver5e3r.
2011 April 27: Presumably a colossal disaster happens over at the Business Magnet's house. He is restrained to his house, police cars constantly surrounding him.
2011 August 8: interdimensionalPortaller finally turns up at Earth as per the events of The Inevitable Sunset.
2011 December 24: Era 2 is announced.
interdimensionalPortaller is forced to relive her past as per A <Holiday Name Here> Carol.
irenicPie is gifted a copy of Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time.
2012 January 7: interdimensionalPortaller and Doug Rattmann are married.
2012 April 13: Gladys Rattmann is born.
Work on Įstrigę namuose begins.
2012 May 14: Sburb Beta reaches 1 billion players.
Sburb 1.0 is finally finished.
2012 June 8: The Business Magnet enters the Medium.
interdimensionalPortaller is incapacitated and becomes an Internet presence.
2012 December 21: Valve Software shuts down.
2013 January 26: The Seven Hour War happens. Numerous Citadels spawn on the Earth's surface.
The Earth retreats for the Combine's rule.
The Blue Portals Development Centre seals itself off the rest of the world.
2015: In the BPDC, 0ver5e3r is finally showing signs of sentience, and is let to be the Testing Overseer of the facility.
The Business Magnet is entrusted with blue buzzer walls guarding his now-really-high house.
Gladys Rattmann discovers a copy of Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time.
2021: interdimensionalPortaller enters the tests of GLaDOS for the first time and seemingly destroys her. Unfortunately, she is still alive.
2025 April 13: Gladys Rattmann begins to write her diary into said copy.
2027: Aperture Laboratories #157 enter the Medium.
2028 January 7: The Business Magnet leaves for 2999.
The consciousness of original 1998 GLaDOS is sealed.
2028 to 2029: The events of Half-Life 2 to Episode Three take place.
interdimensionalPortaller and Doug Rattmann arrive at this post-apocalyptic world from Party Escort Submission Position.
interdimensionalPortaller is brought back to BPDC of 2171.
Doug Rattmann slowly tries to adapt to the life in this world, before following his love and ending up at Mexico in 2011.
2029 July 16: Half-Life 2 Episode Three: The Combine Trolling Continues happens.
interdimensionalPortaller and Doug Rattmann, this time from the end of Invader Zim: Yet Another Real Life Invasion, end up tracing Gordon Freeman and Alyx Vance.
At some point, Citadale Slayer is created and brought to the future.
At some point, an explosion over the Arctic Ocean destroys all life on Earth, while the remaining human survivors are stationed on the Moon.
The survivors return to Earth.
2037 April 27: The Blue Portals Development Centre enters the Medium.
2038 January 19: 0ver5e3r is incapacitated by GLaDOS.
2107 October 9: Events of Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time take place.
12:30: interdimensionalPortaller wakes from her sleep.
She, Wheatley and Doug end up activating something that completely replaces Cave-I with GLaDOS.
GLaDOS destroys Wheatley and sticks interdimensionalPortaller and Doug to cryo-stasis.
A human rendition of GLaDOS, called "Losda Grenston", is killed by interdimensionalPortaller and Doug, who already have returned, and they take off for Blue Portals again.
2170 October 9: Events of Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time continue.
interdimensionalPortaller wakes up at Blue Portals. She solves several tests and escapes to the observation rooms.
Doug Rattmann wakes up at Portal 2: The Fake Community Made. He also solves several tests, finds where interdimensionalPortaller is and gets to her.
They both follow along the tests of Blue Portals. On the way, interdimensionalPortaller is reminded of her past and disallows time travellers, who are really interdimensionalPortaller's and Doug's future selves, from entering.
After spending a while in Portal: Prelude, they later become the time travellers who were forbidden from entry, and enter 2171 October 9 instead.
2171 October 9: interdimensionalPortaller and Doug turn 0ver5e3r back on. She at first transports them to Party Escort Submission Position, then transfers interdimensionalPortaller to Portal: Stay Inside.
2186 April 27: The new consciousness of 0ver5e3r, which has aged since 2171, is transferred to a human body, later to be known as Contine Overseer.
2187 April 27: The events of Project: Midnight take place.
Contine Overseer, under command by the Business Magnet, takes off to Etyl.
She is knocked unconscious by an explosion.
2200s: Contine Overseer is forcefully taken out Etyl to Aperture Science Golden Age.
29th century: Aperture Science Main Headquarters 3007 are built.
2967: The Black Mesa Atomic Slayer is born.
2968 October 5: Gazlene Membrane is born.
2983: The events of Invader Zim: Yet Another Real Life Invasion happen.
Alternate Business Magnet and Skepkitty (see splintered timelines) are transferred to Skool.
Alternate Business Magnet is blinded in one eye.
Professor Membrane commits suicide as per comments by alternate Skepkitty, and his TV show is passed onto Gaz.
Alternate Business Magnet and Skepkitty are brought back to their timeline.
Probing the Membrane of Gaming with Gazlene Membrane forms as a gaming review show.
2998 November 17: Cinematronics Celebrations release their first movie.
2999 January 1: The Business Magnet finally arrives from his long trip.
Aperture Science is back up to its feet with a new A.I., <Spectator Name Here>.
Black Mesa also is emerging back.
3001 April 15: The consciousness of the original 1998 GLaDOS is unsealed and transferred to a human body, later to be known as GL@DDA Magnet.
3002 January 7: The Business and GL@DDA Magnets are married.
3000s: Aperture Science and Black Mesa seize control of the whole world, save for the continental United States, now known as, well, "The Corner of the World that Isn't Owned by Aperture nor by Black Mesa".
Hugo and Catherine Magnets are born.
Contine Overseer comes back from the 2200s.
3043 September 27: The Business Magnet is killed by GL@DDA Magnet.
3046: GL@DDA Magnet dies of unknown causes.
Hugo and Catherine Magnets build their parents robotic bodies, known as Aperture Science Business Electromagnet and GLaDOS for Workgroups.
3050: Contine Overseer goes god tier and creates her own splintered timeline. Henceforth she is known as Empress Contine Overseer.
31st and 32nd centuries: Cinematronics Celebrations continues producing movies.
The Corrupted Timeline
2010 January 11: Portal 2: The Fake Community-Made is released in a different state, causing a point of divergence to happen.
2012c March 31: The "twenty S***b players" arrive on this Earth.
This timeline's Business Magnet renames himself "Alternate Timeline Warweary Serket".
2013c January 26: Alternate Seven Hour War happens. Dubbed "One Hour War", it is quickly won by the Warweary and Vriska Serkets.
The region of Marijampolė and Meškučiai is rebuilt into a single "City of Serketpolė".
2013c: Skepkitty goes grimdark.
2014c: Invader Zim: The Official Webcomic starts production.
2014c August 26: Skepkitty begins MSTing the Warweary Serket's works.
2015c January 1 to 2: The Warweary Serket gathers four of his Recursive Fanfiction writers to "OFU Portal: The 4th Millennium Edition", resulting in the death of him and the robot of the consciousness he transferred himself to.
The twenty S***b players and Skepkitty all arrive at City of Serketpolė.
Portal: Prelude Convention AU No. 1: The Morality Core is installed as GLaDOS's main core instead of Caroline. The result is "Mortalla Magnet", who the AU was named after.
Empress Contine Overseer's timeline: God-tiered Contine Overseer arrives at 2010. She takes over the entire universe in less than a hundred years. She later finds Aperture Science Business Electromagnet and GLaDOS for Workgroups, rebuilds them as ATLAS and P-body, and sends them to Land of Portal: Prelude.
The timeline of Portal 2: The Insane Reversal of All Time: Aperture Science is renamed "Inter-Dimensional", and is owned by interdimensionalPortaller (haha). She at first brings alternate Business Magnet and Skepkitty to Invader Zim: Yet Another Real Life Invasion, then brings alternate Business Magnet to Inter-Dimensional, then, after he is revived by a bird, sends him to the Ascension of the Portaller-verse.
interdimensionalPortaller steals her company back from the bird.
Timeline of ITS MY LIFE! (according to Enchiridion Marrissa)
From Anno Glorii 1 on: Not much happens. The time period is described as "a huge telenovella with complicated romance between Irkens, Mary Sues and regular humans".
Skepness Man briefly arrives at this point. He creates the Anno Glorii system and adopts the figure of speech "for the love of Gloria Deschanel".
Violet Beauregarde and Charlie Bucket are born.
AG 1945: Violet Beauregarde wins a Golden Ticket. As she is reading it, her future self arrives.
February 1: The tour in which Violet becomes a giant blueberry, is squeezed and remains blue for years after happens.
Janet, Dick, Charlie, Willy and Principal Business Man briefly arrive.
At some point, the song dedicated to Violet gets a "Gibberish" treatment.
AG 1978: Principal Business Man arrives from his long trip.
Principal Business Man and Principal GLaDOS are married and have a daughter Caroline.
The Skool becomes known as Portal High School.
Gabe and Cave Jonsons are born.
AG 1980: Skepness Man, Janet and Dick arrive.
A different version of Skepness Man leaves with Lately Pirate.
January 17: Skep Katty arrives to Principal Business Man's office and reveals that she- that is to say, he is a boy.
Violet Beauregarde offers to be Skepness Man's mother.
Violet, Skepness Man, Janet and Dick all leave Portal High School and turn up at Tbilisi, Georgia.
January 18: Violet is accidentally transported through time.
Charlie Bucket and Willy Wanker arrive where Violet lives. The two, with Janet and Dick, arrive at Portal High School.
The four leave with Principal Business Man.
Skepness Man is enlisted as a student of Portal High School.
AG 1985: Regular humans begin mutating into falmer trollz.
AG 1997-98: The events of TEEN FORTRESS 2 and Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition take place.
TEEN FORTRESS 2 forms.
December: Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition begins. Principal Business Man is replaced with Principal GLaDOS and becomes a teacher.
Jenne Weasel and Wheatly Potter arrive.
Zim and Dib are sent off to the future.
Principal Business Man comes up with "Portol The 4th Millennia" verse.
January to March: TEEN FORTRESS 2 gradually becomes more and more terrible.
TEEN FORTRESS 2 befriends Principal Business Man, Gabe Jonson and Caroline.
TEEN FORTRESS 2 begins. Scot arrives from Florida.
Cave Jonson begins a campaign of evil. He turns Gir into a human being and crashes the senior graduation party.
Principal GLaDOS dies and Principal Business Man returns to the office.
Marrissa Roberts arrives from the future.
Cave Jonson and Caroline are killed. Marrissa Roberts goes back to the future.
Caroline is turned into GLaDOS, who begins the formation of Portal Labs.
Assirram Strebor is created and sent to the future.
Principal Business Man and GLaDOS have one final showdown.
The Scot and his brothers also have a showdown.
Bluman and Redman recruit TEEN FORTRESS 2 and their clones, respectively.
TEEN FORTRESS 2 begins education at Half-Life College.
TEEN FORTRESS 2 is recruited by Agents J and K to participate in the 74th Hunger Games.
AG 2008: Principal Interdimentol Portaller seizes control of Portal High School.
The events of OMG IMMA IN LOFE WIDDEN ALLEYEN! take place.
Raws Lovonde is shot by an unnamed teacher.
Kanner Sorket is converted to a falmer troll.
Kanner receives the present from Division of Doom!Zim.
Kanner and Raws meet.
AG 2011: Portal Labs are established.
Portal High School dissipates.
Principals Business Man and GLaDOS are remade into THOSE JERK ROBOTS Altas and P-Boy, who proceed to have many non-chronological appearances in the timeline.
Impress Contone Ovesere begins travelling through time herself, only to be killed by Marrissa in the future.
Marrissa Roberts and Chell are born.
In Portal Labs, Gabe Jonson, who has renamed himself to Cave, develops the "three colors of paint", along with various other inventions.
Principal Business Man briefly arrives, dies and is resurrected.
Marrissa Roberts briefly arrives and takes off to the further past.
AG 2041: Cave Jonson dies.
GLaDOS seizes control of Portal Labs. In her image, robots think they are superior to humans.
Falmer trollz are growing in number and establishing their leadership over regular humans.
AG 2100: Dork Jewel becomes the first cherub troll.
Curiosity Snow is built.
Critics United is founded.
AG 2101: The Hunger Games are first organized.
The Hunger Games slowly evolve. The Districts and Capitol emerge.
Principal Business Man is born.
AG 2150: The Trial of Jared Halley takes place. Jared Halley and Haymish Abarnestea are called to the Hunger Games, and both fight pretty heroically, but in the end, Haymish ends up winning.
Kantess and Pimprose Evergreens are born.
Skepness Man is born.
AG 2174-75: The events of ITS MY LIFE! and THE MARRISSA GAMES take place.
Marrissa Roberts destroys much of Portal Labs and makes her way to the past.
Marrissa Roberts returns from the past and kills CHELLGaDOS, Altas and P-Boy.
Marrissa and Wheatly are married.
Assirram Strebor arrives and is defeated by Marrissa.
Chell Junor is born.
Marrissa Roberts leaves Portal Labs and is called by Curiosity Snow to participate in the 74th Hunger Games.
Janet, Jack, Roxee and Dick arrive, just before the Hunger Games have begun. marking the beginning of Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host. They get to the underground part of the Arena quickly.
Janet and Dick are found by Skepness Man and escorted to Portal High School.
Roxa and Jack are found by Sentinel Crane and thrown into the 74th Hunger Games.
TEEN FORTRESS 2 arrives.
The 74th Hunger Games begin.
Roxa and Jack escape the Games.
Roxa and Jack find an apartment to live in.
The 74th Hunger Games are briefly halted for Christmas holidays.
The 74th Hunger Games continue. Skep Katty, Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000 and TEEN FORTRESS 2 are all killed.
Ratman and Wipe Whitetaker make a floating Portal Labs base.
The 75th Hunger Games are launched, featuring 240 zombies. Marrissa defeats them all.
Marrissa challenges Curiosity Snow, who was really GLaDOS in disguise. Wheatly dies. Critics United is annihilated.
Marrissa brings all the good guys back to life.
A new Hunger Games tournament starts taking place regularly, however, this time exclusively the falmers participate in it and it takes place "all the time".
Wheatly is brought back to life.
Principal Business Man invents time travel and starts his long trip.
Skepness Man is called to one of the falmer Hunger Games, but ends up abusing time travel and destroying the Hunger Games as a whole.
Marrissa Roberts becomes a goth emo and commits suicide.
Skepness Man proceeds to have many non-chronological appearances in the timeline.
AG 2187: Enchiridion Marrissa is claimed to be published.
AG 2211, November 11: Candacension Pixies kills Abraman Linkin Park and refounds Critics United. Dates from this point on are named "post-Condensation", or PC.
Candacension Pixies begins the flooding of the world.
AG 2345 (134 post-Condensation): Earth's flooding reaches its peak.
Candacension Pixies tries to reunite the humans and the falmerz.
AG 2422 (211 PC): Wantagruel Vasebreaker shortly takes over Critics United.
Candacension Pixies reassumes control of Critics United and creates God Cat.
Humanity dies out to four individuals: two non-falmerz, Janet Roberts and Jack London, and two cherub trolls, Cantaloupe and California.
AG 2622 (411 PC): Dick Stiller and Roxee Lovonde arrive.
Candacension Pixies places a curse on the four humans.
AG 2624 (413 PC), November 11: The events of Post-SCrash Session take place.
Janet Roberts is pestered by, in order, Cantaloupe, Roxee, Dick's GPS navigation, Jack and Cantaloupe again. All conversations seem to focus around Sburb Alpha.
Meanie Pixies awakens. She has a conversation with Aranna, but quickly falls asleep and is replaced with Janet.
The Red Miles start attacking the Earth. Dick collects Janet, Jack and Roxee, and, after several looparounds with his "delirious time car", ends up at the site of the 74th Hunger Games.
The Red Miles presumably destroy the Earth.
Timeline of Division of Doom
1985: An unknown Soviet leader is elected instead of Michail Gorbachev. Due to him, the Soviet Union does not fall, and the Space Race goes on further.
2001: Dib Membrane is born.
2002: Gazlene Membrane is born.
Professor Membrane invents the first nuclear missile that could go around the Earth, and is awarded a house on the surface of the Moon, to which Dib and Gaz move.
2012: Zim arrives on Earth.
Zim re-invents the Portal Device, based on data from a game.
Note: Seems to be loosely based on Homestuck's B2.
1977 December 4: Flighty Broad Teague is born. Birth dates of Dib and Gazlene Membranes also are around here.
At some point, Flighty Broad is legally renamed Rose Lalonde.
Early 1991: Kanaya Maryam arrives on Earth, and she and Rose first meet.
Rose has numerous flashbacks back to this period in 2012.
Rose becomes a successful therapist and writer, Kanaya becomes a successful fashion designer and Dib becomes a successful paranormal investigator.
2001 July 15: Irene Hurricane is born.
At some point, Rose and Kanaya are married.
2012 May: Ascension of the Portaller-verse Fic #1 begins. Rose is given an assignment from interdimensionalPortaller to go to Lithuania, where she meets alternate Business Magnet.
Kanaya designs a dress that she sends to Jade, but the package instead turns up for Zim from Division of Doom (see above).
Rose is taught about Homestuck, but stops reading it as soon as her naming takes place.
As Irene reads further, Rose has a dream, which describes an alternate reality of the webcomic.
Kanaya is taken captive by Dib.
At some point, Rose buys Irene her own phone. She installs Pesterchum and starts going by devastatingWind.
At some point, alternate Business Magnet translates Homestuck Act 1 to Lithuanian.
2012 July 5 to 7: Rose, Irene and alternate Business Magnet return to America.
Rose rescues Kanaya from Dib's prison.
Complacency of the Learned saga's seventh book is released.
2012 July 15: Irene Hurricane's 11th birthday. The Business Magnet gifts her a translated printed copy of Homestuck. Rose and Kanaya gift her a DeLorean time machine, which Irene, alternate Business Magnet and Skepkitty use to get back to 1991.
Ascension of the Portaller-verse (revised)
1991 October 15: Alternate Business Magnet, Skepkitty and Irene arrive from the future, going under the aliases Alexander Magnet, Scarlett Kitty and Dianne Wind.
Kanaya allows for the three to live in her house.
1991 October 22: Alex, Scar and Dianne presumably return.
1990s: A much more complicated love triangle occurs between Rose, Kanaya, Dave and Terezi.