The gold chains episode. First broadcast 22 January 1989.
Rodney introduces Cassandra to Del. They also meet Arnie, a retired jeweller who interests the Trotters in 250 18-carat gold chains. Arnie explains that he acquired the chains for another man, Mr. Stavros, but has not heard from him since and is now willing to sell them for half the wholesale price.
Del, Rodney, Albert, Boycie, Trigger and Mike join together and raise £12,500 to purchase the chains. However, just after the deal has gone through, Arnie hears that Mr. Stavros has got back in touch and now wishes to purchase the chains. Arnie is distraught at the thought of having to explain to Stavros (who he implies to be a gangster) that he's sold the chains to someone else, but Del has an idea. Arnie will sell the chains to Stavros on the group's behalf for the original price of £25,000 — of which Arnie will receive £2,000, leaving everyone else with a healthy profit.
At the agreed rendezvous (an Italian restaurant), Arnie, with the briefcase containing the chains handcuffed to his wrist, waits for Stavros. Del and Boycie keep an eye on him from another table, while Rodney and Albert wait outside in the van, backed up by Mike and Trigger in Mike's car. Suddenly, Arnie starts to have a heart attack, and collapses on the floor. Realising that the chains may be lost for good if Arnie is taken to a hospital, Boycie tries to impersonate a doctor but is stopped by a fellow diner who sees through the ruse; the situation is only defused by Del pretending to be a police officer and arresting Boycie. An ambulance arrives surprisingly quickly, and Arnie is taken to hospital. The group try to follow the ambulance — but Mike's car has been wheelclamped; Rodney gives chase in the van, but loses it at a red traffic light.
Later, Del receives a call from a doctor who informs him that Arnie has died. The doctor is unable to give Del Arnie's address and hangs up. As no-one knows Arnie's surname, they are unable to trace him. Resigned to losing the chains, a despondent Mike, Boycie, and Trigger leave the flat.
A few days later in West London, Rodney spots Arnie alive and being carried into an ambulance by two paramedics. At the Nag's Head, everyone realises the truth — Arnie is a con man who sells people his gold chains and then tricks them into thinking that he can sell them on for them for an instant profit, only to fake a heart attack and make off with the chains, abetted by two associates (his grown-up sons) posing as paramedics; the fake ambulance is the perfect getaway vehicle, as it can go through red lights and so cannot be followed. Del then hears that Denzil and his brothers are about to become the latest victims of Arnie's scam.
The next day, at an Indian restaurant, Denzil and his brother Carl are keeping an eye on Arnie from a nearby table. Arnie fakes a heart attack again and promptly gets loaded into an ambulance, but it turns out to be another fake ambulance which has been bought by Del, Rodney, Albert, Mike, Boycie, and Trigger who have disguised themselves as paramedics. Arnie tries to reason with the group as Albert passes Del a large pair of bolt cutters, with the latter advising Arnie to stay calm, lest he have a real heart attack.
Tropes:
- Bavarian Fire Drill: Three examples occur here. Arnie's sons impersonate paramedics when he fakes a heart attack. Boycie attempts to steal the chains from Arnie by pretending to be a doctor, and is thwarted by a diner who demands that someone call the police. Boycie avoids being arrested thanks to Del who claims to be a policeman and takes him away.
- Call-Back: To "Cash and Curry", when Del fell for a similar con eight years previously. This time, however, he's able to get his revenge — but only because, unlike Vimmal and Mr. Ram in that episode, Arnie is greedy enough to run his con at least three times in the London area.
- The Con: Arnie has 250 gold chains, apparently worth £25,000 which he's prepared to sell for half the price because the original purchaser has backed out — but after the deal goes through, he claims that the original purchaser is back in the game. He then gets the mark (in this case, Del and friends) to agree to sell the chains for the original price with him as the middle-man (thus almost doubling their money), only to fake a heart attack and escape with the chains in a fake ambulance. The mark is then telephoned and told that Arnie has died, and since the mark actually knows very little about Arnie, he can't track down the chains (or his money). Arnie's only found out when Rodney happens to spot him running the scam again in another part of London, following which he tries the same con again on Denzil.
- Continuity Snarl: When Del meets Cassandra, he says he knows her father, Alan Parry, who he describes as being "a little bloke, one brown eye, one blue eye, speaks with a squint, walks with a stutter". She agrees with this description, but when we see Alan later in the series, he looks nothing like this.
- As Del's description of Alan is an impossible one, Cassandra knows it is a joke and agrees with it to humour Del.
- Follow That Car: Subverted. After Mike's car has been clamped, Rodney tries to follow the ambulance in the van, but fails because it can go through red lights, which the van (not being an emergency services vehicle) cannot do.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: How Arnie is caught out. His two sons are waiting to pick him up as he's going to scam Denzil. Arnie feigns a heart attack and is rushed onto an ambulance. Arnie, with his eyes closed, complacently chuckles "Wonderful" before opening them to discover Del and Boycie grinning down at him.
- Instant Emergency Response: Initially played straight. Nothing is thought of it until the main characters realise that Arnie's a con man, and the surprisingly fast ambulance response was actually orchestrated by his sons in order to whisk him away from the scene before the real medics arrive.
- Mistaken for Gay: Del and Boycie when they're in the Italian restaurant, because they both want to keep an eye on Arnie — meaning they have to sit next to each other, rather than opposite each other.
- Psychotic Smirk: After being caught by the gang, Arnie finds himself surrounded by very sinister grins.Del: Calm down, Arnie, calm down. You'll give yourself a heart attack.
- Take That!: When Trigger says that there are about twenty five hospitals in London, Rodney quips: "Thank God for the Tory Party, otherwise there could have been thirty!"
- Trojan Ambulance: Arnie has a fake ambulance as a key part of his MO. He offers to sell his mark(s) a Handcuffed Briefcase full of gold chains at half-price, claiming he's lost touch with the intended buyer (supposedly not someone you want to cross) who then conveniently calls right after the money has been handed over. Arnie then persuades them to sell the chains to the buyer at full price (with himself as middleman so the man won't get suspicious), then fakes a heart attack while supposedly waiting for him, and is picked up by his sons in an ambulance (still cuffed to the briefcase), who speed through every red light until they've shaken off the frantic marks — who later get a call from the "hospital" claiming he's died. However, the plan unravels after Rodney — whom he'd previously scammed along with Del, Boycie, Albert and Trigger — sees Arnie being carried away from his latest "heart attack" in another part of London. Learning that their friend Denzil is to be his next mark, they get a fake ambulance of their own and beat his sons to the punch, leading to a major Oh, Crap! moment for Arnie when he opens his eyes to learn whom he's trapped in a moving vehicle with.
- Villain Ball: Arnie's con-job is eventually caught out by Rodney, who witnesses him being pulled away in an ambulance just like before, showing he was brazen enough to pull the same scheme within the same area multiple times in quick succession.
