Films watched: ''Film/WhatToDoOnADate'' (short) and ''[[Film/SwampDiamonds Swamp Women]] '' aka ''Swamp Diamonds''

Joel and the bots were less than impressed with Connors' pseudonym "Touch," which was his nickname when he played NCAA basketball.

''What To Do On A Date'' is a [[TheFifties 1950s]] educational short which attempted to teach...socially awkward teens of the time activites they could invite girls on dates to: exciting events like swim meets, weenie roasts and "scavenger sales."

!!The host segments provide examples of:
* ForcedPerspective: With the TV dominating the foreground between them, there's a quick joke where Frank and Forrester each reach out impossibly long arms to pass the remote to each other.
* TakeThat: The [[Creator/AndrewLloydWebber Andrew Lloyd Weber]] [sic] Grill, useful for burning Mr. Webber's scores.
* WholePlotReference: The host skits follow a plot about Servo asking Gypsy out on a date, in a parody of "What To Do On A Date." It also serves to [[{{Deconstruction}} deconstruct]] the short's [[UsefulNotes/DwightDEisenhower Eisenhowerrific]] ValuesDissonance.
* YouSuck: The U-View provides the user a glimpse at all the fantastic and wonderful things they could be doing right now... [[ForWantOfANail if they weren't sitting at home watching themselves on television, that is]]. Both Frank and Dr. F quickly become depressed at seeing their ideal lives (though Frank gets distracted again), and Clay bitterly decides to watch more TV just to forget it.

!!The ''[=MST3K=]'' treatment of ''Swamp Diamonds'' provides examples of:
* CatFight: While the female fight scenes were almost certainly made with this in mind, Crow and Servo definitely play along with it in their commentary.
-->'''Crow:''' You usually see this kind of stuff on pay-per-view!
* GettingCrapPastTheRadar: "Beverly sure can handle a Johnson!"
** also, "ooh, you're kneeling on the little Touch!"
* TheLongList: All the names "Touch" Connors might have taken:
-->Thrust, Jab, Fudge, Crunch, Blast, Smidge, Shout, Batch, Scrod, Flake, Wink, Sploot, Pinch, Probe, Wing, Snake, Jab [again?], Grunt, Flink, Branch, Snake [again!] Pitch, Pat, Hal, Snake [yet AGAIN!], Snack, Slap
** In the Rough Cut, the crew adds more, sometimes saltier, names for him.
--->Fritz, Poop, Splayed, [[YiddishAsASecondLanguage Tucchus, Putz]], Klutz
* RunningGag:
** Referencing Phil Harris, Curt Gowdy, ''Film/TheGunInBettyLousHandbag'', etc.
** Servo's narration during the many, ''many'' tracking shots of the swamp from the boat: "As we left the clam flowage that day..."
* SophisticatedAsHell: Invoked by Servo at Vera's EvenEvilHasStandards moment:
-->'''Vera:''' Nice kid! Sell her man right down the river!\\
'''Servo (in bad {{Joisey}} accent):''' Yeah, some women have no class!
* SpotTheImpostor: When the girls are saying what they plan for the future, Servo has Lee say, "Well, I hope to make Detective... oops!"

!!The ''[=MST3K=]'' treatment of ''What To Do On A Date'' provides examples of:
* BigNo: The main character, Nick, is looking at a list of events he could take Kay to on a date:
-->'''Narrator:''' "Would Kay enjoy a bike trip?" [''switch to a close-up of the list''] "Or a weenie roast?"
--> '''Joel, Crow, and Servo:''' "Nick, '''''NO!'''''"

->[[TheStinger "Sssshhhut up!"]]