Recap / Homestar Runner A Decemberween Mackerel

Airdate: Tuesday, December 14, 2010

It's that most wonderful time of year again, Decemberween, and Homestar is wondering why he and Marzipan are slogging through the snow with a dish of bean sprouts. Marzipan announces that they're bringing a hot meal to the less-fortunate... in this case, Senor Cardgage.

Senor Cardgage: Thank you, Hot Pooey. Would you care to coincide?
Homestar Runner: Marzipan, did that guy just call me "Hot Pooey"? And invite me inside that bush?
Marzipan: ...Maybe?

Homestar leaves, but much to Marzipan's shock, Senor Cardgage claims to be... dying! Cue title card.

Chorus: (singing) A Decemberween Mack-e-rel, the name of this cartoooon!

Back at Marzipan's house, Marzipan announces the bad news, and ropes an unsympathetic Homestar into cramming Senor Cardgage with enough holiday cheer to produce a life-saving Decemberween miracle. But even equipped with Homestar's tinsel-wrapped cram-rod, nothing seems to work: caroling, posing for a greeting card photo (complete with overly-enthusiastic newsletter "to brag about our family"), holiday shopping at Bubs', and even lighting a telephone pole draped in lights in a vaguely tree-shaped fashion don't seem to help Senor's terminal condition... until Strong Bad barges in.

Marzipan: Help, quick! I think Senor Cardgage is dying!
Strong Bad: And what makes you think that?
Marzipan: He told me so when I brought him a hot covered dish to brighten his dismal life.
Strong Bad: He told you. You decided to take, at face value, something the guy who lives in a bush and talks to melty candy bars said.
Marizpan: Maybe?
Strong Bad: And who, not fifteen minutes ago, told me I might "paste away" if I "Dinty Moore".
Senor Cardgage: You rally might, Pez Dispenser...

Strong Bad reveals the only cure for Senor Cardgage's condition is to tear a stack of motorsports magazines in half and pour gravy onto a defibrillator... and oddly enough, it works!

Senor Cardgage: Oh my grubness, grabness. This really is...
All: A Decemberween Mackerel!

And nobody died... except maybe "your death's door neighbor" Homsar.

---

Tropes:

• Accidental Misnaming: As usual, Senor does this a lot, in this case calling Homestar "Hot Pooey" and Strong Bad "Pez Dispenser".
• Black Comedy Burst: The ending. Senor Cardgage gets revived, but the second Homestar laments that nobody is dying, the scene shifts to a horribly-emaciated Homsar lying in the snow, where he weakly delivers one of his trademark semi-non sequitur lines.
• Brick Joke: When Homestar proves reluctant to helping Senor Cardgage, Marzipan tells him " I don't have time to trick you into making out with a mop again this year." An Easter egg at the end of the cartoon shows she managed to find the time to do just that.
• Call-Back: At one point, Marzipan and Homestar sing "O Decemberween".
• Clumsy Copyright Censorship: Parodied; the final lyric of "O Decemberween" is changed from "Coach Z's been drinking Listerine" to "Coach Z's been drinking non-specific-mouthwash-rine", and an off-screen lawyer asks Homestar to sign some papers.
• Condescending Compassion: Marzipan overemphasises just how much less fortunate and how much more smelly people with less than two DVRs are, and refers to Senor Cardgage as "you poor wretch" to his face.
• Continuity Nod:
  • Strong Sad is once again locked in the bathtub, as is the norm for Decemberween.
  • Hot Pooey is apparently a beverage "from the makers of hot Jones".
• Crazy Homeless People: Marzipan wants to help Senor Cardgage, but Homestar is turned off at doing so.
  Homestar: Aw, man! This guy?! (to Marzipan) When you said less fortunate, I just assumed you meant Coach Z.
  Coach Z: (popping out of a snowbank with a Blubbo's box on his head) Me too!
• Discontinuity Nod: The other shoppers at Bubs' include silhouettes of rejected characters Champeen, Homeschool Winner, the Unguraits, The Hurricane, and Rafferty and Preshy, Homestar's cousins.
• Disgusting Vegetarian Food: Marzipan's idea of a "hot dish" is a casserole dish full of nothing but uncooked bean sprouts.
• Kick the Dog:
  • If Strong Bad's recounting of being told that he "might paste away if I Dinty Moore" is to be believed, Senor Cardgage gave him the hot dish of food Marzipan gave him... so that Strong Bad could destroy it... Granted, judging by what he said to Strong Bad, he apparently gave it to him because he thought Strong Bad needed to eat more.
  • Although he does help Marzipan try to save him, Homestar makes it clear that he'd actually be okay with Senor Cardgage dying...
  Homestar: What do you give him, five minutes? No minutes? No minutes?
• Malaproper: The toon is called "A Decemberween Mackerel". Also, Senor Cardgage does this a lot, like asking Homestar and Marzipan if they want to "coincide" instead of "come inside".
• Motor Mouth: Marzipan, while writing a "family newsletter" to go with their Decemberween card.
  Marzipan: This year was so great! Our family is so great! I can't believe Homestar started fourth grade! How time flies. It's so great! Senor Cardgage won first place in sports and was selected to be terminally ill! I am in book club and PTA carpool and redoing the back-splash. It's so great! Warm wishes, The Marzipan-Homestar-Cardgages.
• My God, What Have I Done?: Hot Pooey's slogan, almost word for word.
  Hot Pooey. Oh dear God, what have we done??
• Noodle Implements:
  • No one knows what goes into Hot Pooey, especially since, in an ad for such, the contents of the drink are clearly censored.
  • Strong Bad is somehow able to revive Senor Cardgage by cutting a bunch of motorsports magazines in half and pouring gravy on a defibrillator.
• Only Sane Man: Of all people, Strong Bad is the one to question Senor Cardgage's claims...
  Marzipan: Help, quick! I think Senor Cardgage is dying!
  Strong Bad: And what makes you think that?
  Marzipan: He told me so when I brought him a hot covered dish to brighten his dismal life.
  Strong Bad: He told you. You decided to take, at face value, something the guy who lives in a bush and talks to melty candy bars said.
  Marzipan: Maybe?
  Strong Bad: And, who not fifteen minutes ago, told me I "might paste away if I Dinty Moore".
  Senor: You rally might, Pez Dispenser.
• Our Slogan Is Terrible: "Hot Pooey: Oh dear God, what have we done??"
• Overly Long Gag: The toon opens with Marzipan telling Homestar why they are slogging through the snow on their way to meet Senor Cardgage:
  Marzipan: At Decemberween time, it's our duty as people with more than one DVR to help those much, much, much, much, way very, very, very much, really smelly, a lot much less fortunate than us.
• Right on Queue: There's a ridiculously long line for holiday shopping at Bubs' Concession Stand.
  Homestar: How long is it?
  Bubs: Three miles or eighteen days! Whichever comes first.
• Running Gag: The mention of Hot Pooey.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Homestar decides to head back to Marzipan's house after Senor Cardgage calls him Hot Pooey. And is invited inside a bush.
• Tempting Fate: The ending:

  Senor Cardgage: [revived and standing triumphantly] Oh, my grabness, grabness. It really is...
  Everyone: A Decemberween mackerel!
  Homestar: [disappointed] And nobody's dying...
  [Cut to an emaciated Homsar lying in the snow]
  Homsar: A-a-A-a-A-a-A-a! I'm your death's door neighbor. Puff, cough, toff...

• Waxing Lyrical: When he leaves for Marzipan's house, Homestar references "Winter Wonderland" by telling Marzipan "Later on, we'll conspire."
• Wrong Genre Savvy: Marzipan thinks she's in a holiday special where holiday cheer can force a miracle, but it does nothing. Strong Bad's able to save Senor Cardgage by using a method that's as nonsensical and non-sequitur as he is, much more befiting this surealist webtoon.