- Date First Aired: 06/03/2014
We start at the supermarket "Ludo", where the girls are shopping. During this, Dorien gets a phone call. It's The Daily Mail, and they inform Dorien that she's been mentioned in someone's saucy memoirs. At the till they come across two ladies (named Annie and Sadie) who act and look remarkably like older versions of themselves. They also bicker a lot, which is enough to spook the two.
At home, Dorien is distressed about how she would be perceived in the papers, especially since she has a reputation to keep. Apparently, a man named Lord Shoreswell died whilst fox-hunting and she's featured in his memoirs. Travis points out that if Dorien's story was featured in his memoir, then that means that she can prove that her memoir was based on real-life events.
In court, Dorien is accused of plagiarism. However, she puts forward her trump card, Lord Shoreswell's biography and she wins the case. However, she seemingly leaves behind the sisters for her party at the Quotidian Hotel. Even worse, Sharon laments her place in the house and begins fighting with Tracey.
Dorien does invite the girls to the party and introduces them to her consort. However, everyone leaves before she can make a speech. Dorien realizes that these people were never really her friends. Dorien eventually decides to leave to bigger places but, realizing the true meaning of friendship, decides to live with the girls from now on.
Tropes Featured In The Episode:
- Accidental Misnaming: Lorraine Kelly calls Dorien "Doreen".Sharon: That was touching, weren't it.Tracey: Didn't even get her name right.
- As Herself: That really is Lorraine Kelly playing herself there.
- Buffy Speak: Sharon refers to an oligarch as an "oil-what's name-thingy".
- Call-Back: The fact that Dorien is being sued for plagiarism serves as a major plot point in this episode and is finally resolved.
- Drinking Game: Sharon suggests taking a shot of Zaribou every time a contestant bursts into tears on The X Factor.
- Grocery Store Episode: The first part of the episode centres around the girls shopping at Ludo. It's where Dorien receives the important phone call which proves to be a decisive factor in her court case and it's where Sharon and Tracey encounter Sadie and Annie.
- Grumpy Old Man: The elderly Sadie has recently had a stroke, and spends her time getting angry at other people and calling them tossers, including her sister Annie.
- I Choose to Stay: In the end, Dorien is given the chance to go back to her glitzy life away from the sisters. However, realizing that her true friends are Sharon and Tracey, she returns to live with them.
- LOL, 69: One of the pages of Lord Shoreswell's biography which heavily features Dorien's sexual exploitations with him is page 69.
- Noodle Incident:
- Apparently, something humiliating happened to Dorien which was recorded on Chapter 19 of her book, but we hear nothing of it.
- Sharon once accidentally sat on Tracey's hamster.
- One-Shot Character: Annie, Sadie, Julian, Sasha, and Lorraine Kelly.
- Posthumous Character: Lord Shoreswell, a former affair of Dorien's proves pivotal to her court case when his memoirs are serialized after his death.
- Shoddy Knockoff Product: The sisters come across a knock-off of "Malibu" called "Zaribou" whilst shopping. Later comments by Dorien suggest that it's as bad as one would expect from a knock-off.
- Something We Forgot: The sisters drive off without Dorien and don't realize until they check to make sure she's there.
- Shout-Out: Sharon mentions looking forward to watching The X Factor the day after they go shopping, even hoping to play a Drinking Game with it.
- Sibling Rivalry: Annie and Sadie are mentioned to be always bickering with each other, which worries Sharon and Tracey dearly.
- Sunglasses at Night: Dorien wears sunglasses in the supermarket, despite there not really being any reason to. Her explanation is that she doesn't want to be recognized.
- A Tankard of Moose Urine: The alcohol "Zaribou", if Dorien's comment about it being the second worst thing she's ever tasted is any indication.
- Titled After the Song: The episode is named after The Rolling Stones song "You Can't Always Get What You Want".
- With Friends Like These...: Most of Dorien's mates abandon her during her party. It's contrasted with the genuine friendship of Sharon and Tracey and a sign that they weren't truly her friends.
