[After seeing a nuclear weapons test]
"You can't have this kind of war. There just aren't enough bulldozers
to scrape the bodies off the streets."
"It's hard not to look all all these war games about Russia invading America and not be reminded of fanfiction. America is a fat teenage virgin lying on her front on her bed staring up at her Edward and Bella poster while crossing and uncrossing her ankles and dreamily writing creepy stories about having filthy monkey sex with the quiet, Eastern European boy down the road. And the child psychologist hired by her concerned parents gives the following advice: "What this girl needs is a good hard dicking!" So c'mon, Russia, take the hint. World War III, let's do it!
Yeah lots of people will die, but it's not like the human race couldn't use a bit of a pruning
now and then. What about you, China? You've got loads
of people to spare, you selfish bastards."