Quotes / Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma

"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If the... if he... if 'is' means is and never has been, that is not; that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement. Now, if someone had asked me on that day, are you having any kind of sexual relations with Miss Lewinsky — that is, asked me a question in the present tense — I would have said no (not at that very moment). And it would have been completely true."
Former U.S. President Bill Clinton

Those who prefer their English sloppy have only themselves to thank if the advertisement writer uses his mastery of the vocabulary and syntax to mislead their weak minds.

I do believe in commas, I do, I do!
Remus Lupin in the Shoebox Fanfiction

Oh, if you want it to be possessive,
It's just I-T-S
But if it's supposed to be a contraction,
Then it's I-T-Apostrophe-S

I call unnecessary use of ellipses, five yard penalty.

As far as punctuation goes she appears to have no approach at all, but seems merely to throw it at a page from a distance, like playing darts.
— A Note from the Editors (Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs), Nanny Ogg's Cookbook

Oh look, one of those fancy periods. I think I'll use that this time.
— Zero types a letter for Sarge in one Beetle Bailey strip.

"After all, with the world in its current lamentable state, I sincerely believe that rather than WASTING commas with the rest of my fat capitalist pig brothers on frivolous consumerist sentences like these, they should be donated to the more needy, such as the Chinese, who as I understand it have NO COMMAS AT ALL."
The Shoebox Project

"Oh, shut up!! I'm telling you aliens are coming!! And with each passing second they're getting even closer!! And as soon as they get in range, I'm sending them my auto transmission to see if they respond!! THIS COULD FINALLY BE MY CHANCE TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!"
Dr. Brainstorm, Calvin and Hobbes: The Series, "Dr. BrainChill Part 1"

"Proper comma usage is the difference between helping your uncle, Jack, off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.