"My revenge is fraternity! No more frontiers! The Rhine for everyone! Let us be the same Republic, let us be the United States of Europe, let us be the continental federation, let us be European liberty, let us be universal peace!"
"Who do I call if I want to speak to Europe?"
"The most puzzling development in politics during the last decade is the apparent determination of Western European leaders to re-create the Soviet Union in Western Europe.”
Hacker: Europe is a community of nations, dedicated towards one goal.
Sir Humphrey: Oh, ha ha ha.
Hacker: May we share the joke, Humphrey?
Sir Humphrey: Oh Minister, let's look at this objectively. It is a game played for national interests, and always was. Why do you suppose we went into it?
Hacker: To strengthen the brotherhood of free Western nations.
Sir Humphrey: Oh really. We went in to screw the French by splitting them off from the Germans.
Hacker: So why did the French go into it, then?
Sir Humphrey: Well, to protect their inefficient farmers from commercial competition.
Hacker: That certainly doesn't apply to the Germans.
Sir Humphrey: No, no. They went in to cleanse themselves of genocide and apply for readmission to the human race.
Hacker: I never heard such appalling cynicism! At least the small nations didn't go into it for selfish reasons.
Sir Humphrey: Oh really? Luxembourg is in it for the perks; the capital of the EEC, all that foreign money pouring in.
Hacker: Very sensible central location.
Sir Humphrey: With the administration in Brussels and the Parliament in Strasbourg? Minister, it's like having the House of Commons in Swindon and the Civil Service in Kettering!
"That's why we're in Yerp. Because it's better to be inside pissing out than outside pissing in!"
— Harry Enfield and Chums (parodying then-topical Conservative colourful metaphors about the Maastricht Treaty)
Two weeks ago, Slovakia said, "Hey, we're not sure about the bailout." And Europe said, "Why would we care about what you think, Slovakia?" And Slovakia said, "Because we're in the Euro, and all the votes have to be unanimous." Unanimous! Seventeen countries and it has to be unanimous! I can't get three friends to agree on a restaurant. Can you imagine how hard it would be if none of us spoke the same language and our grandparents killed each other in World War II?
"And in Europe now we've a new thing: the European Union. 500 million people, 200 languages - no one's got a clue what there saying to each other! But it's the cutting edge of politics, in a very extraordinarily boring way."
— Eddie Izzard: "Dressed to Kill"