Quotes: The Eeyore

Thatís right, Jubilee! Thereís nothing 'cool' about having my psychic wife transport a gunfighter from the future and me into a digital world of danger and adventure! And if saying that makes me "lame," then I guess Iím just a big "lame!"

Oh, Cyclops. Of all the Cyclopses in the world, youíre the Cyclopsest.

I eased the car up the driveway and pulled around to the entrance, and outside there were four students in Red Sox hats. They were Massholes in spirit, even if we weren't technically in Massachusetts. They had the dirty stubble. They had the shitty hats. They had that typical asshole Boston sports fan look of arrogant misery. Looked like they had just punched out a packy store clerk for not having any Kodiak behind the counter.

And I thought to myself... NOPE. No fucking way. I had two sons and I wasn't letting them grow up to be THAT. I'd far prefer they grow up to become dipshit Maryland lax bros. ANYTHING is preferable...That's how much you motherfuckers suck. All those titles in every sport and you're all STILL unhappy. All the fucking time. If my team had three rings, I would skip around my neighborhood naked all day long, throwing cupcake sprinkles at everyone.

HIS FACE! I love Kanyeís grumpy face. He looks like heís taking a messy diarrhea in a public bathroom and just noticed that thereís no toilet paper in that stall. He looks like a sad kid whose parents forgot to pick him up from school and it just started to rain. He looks like a hungover you sitting in your cubicle on a Monday staring at a picture of Kanye looking like he has the Mondays. Kanye looks like heís pissed and throwing an internal hissy fit because his cool camouflage shirt didnít work and people can see him.

Fiction

It's not alright I've been avoiding
empty faces around me.
I know you depress yourself,
and hell, you're depressing me.
Gileah and the Ghost Train, "The Emergency"

Summertime is generally a happy time, making it my least favorite time of year.

I'm quite used to being humiliated. I can even go and stick my head in a bucket of water if you like. Would you like me to go and stick my head in a bucket of water? I've got one ready. Wait a minute. (Splashing noises) There, does that satisfy you?
Marvin the Paranoid Android, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

I'm not happy.
Charity Bazaar, Histeria!

Ugh. I suppose, as a courtesy, I should extend an appropriate greeting. On behalf of the Utwig Proctors I truly hope, for your sake, that your day has been better than ours, although this really isn't saying that much.
The Utwig, Star Control 2

We're all doomed.
Life...is so hollow.
Oh, what is the point?
I'll do what I can, but expect very little.
Onward, to futility!

I'm in despair! <subject of the episode's rant> has left me in despair!
Nozomu Itoshiki, Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei

No one... came to my party.
Schwer-Muta Casasola Merkle, RosenkreuzStilette

Gamal: How's it going?
Jeriah: Not too good — still alive.

I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.
Marvin the Paranoid Android's first line in every incarnation of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Sigh... giving bad news is the one thing I actually enjoy.

Doomsday: So here we are, survivors of the Tiger's Claw. I'm surprised there are so many of us left. Now all we need are Paladin and Maniac so we cal all die together.
Spirit: What a cheerful thought, Doomsday.
Wing Commander II: Vengeance of the Kilrathi