That's right, Jubilee! There's nothing 'cool' about having my psychic wife transport a gunfighter from the future and me into a digital world of danger and adventure! And if saying that makes me "lame," then I guess I'm just a big "lame!"
Oh, Cyclops. Of all the Cyclopses in the world, you’re the Cyclopsest.
Oh, Cyclops. Of all the Cyclopses in the world, you’re the Cyclopsest.
— Chris Sims, "The X-Men, Pizza and Cyberspace, Together at Last"
I eased the car up the driveway and pulled around to the entrance, and outside there were four students in Red Sox hats. They were Massholes in spirit, even if we weren't technically in Massachusetts. They had the dirty stubble. They had the shitty hats. They had that typical asshole Boston sports fan look of arrogant misery. Looked like they had just punched out a packy store clerk for not having any Kodiak behind the counter.
And I thought to myself... NOPE. No fucking way. I had two sons and I wasn't letting them grow up to be THAT. I'd far prefer they grow up to become dipshit Maryland lax bros. ANYTHING is preferable... That's how much you motherfuckers suck. All those titles in every sport and you're all STILL unhappy. All the fucking time. If my team had three rings, I would skip around my neighborhood naked all day long, throwing cupcake sprinkles at everyone.
And I thought to myself... NOPE. No fucking way. I had two sons and I wasn't letting them grow up to be THAT. I'd far prefer they grow up to become dipshit Maryland lax bros. ANYTHING is preferable... That's how much you motherfuckers suck. All those titles in every sport and you're all STILL unhappy. All the fucking time. If my team had three rings, I would skip around my neighborhood naked all day long, throwing cupcake sprinkles at everyone.
— Drew Magary, Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New England Patriots"
HIS FACE! I love Kanye's grumpy face. He looks like he's taking a messy diarrhea in a public bathroom and just noticed that there's no toilet paper in that stall. He looks like a sad kid whose parents forgot to pick him up from school and it just started to rain. He looks like a hungover you sitting in your cubicle on a Monday staring at a picture of Kanye looking like he has the Mondays. Kanye looks like he's pissed and throwing an internal hissy fit because his cool camouflage shirt didn't work and people can see him.
Fiction
It's not alright I've been avoiding
empty faces around me.
I know you depress yourself,
and hell, you're depressing me.
empty faces around me.
I know you depress yourself,
and hell, you're depressing me.
— Gileah And The Ghost Train, "The Emergency"
Summertime is generally a happy time, making it my least favorite time of year.
— Strong Sad, Homestar Runner, "Somber Vacation"
I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.
— Marvin the Paranoid Android's first line in every incarnation of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I'm quite used to being humiliated. I can even go and stick my head in a bucket of water if you like. Would you like me to go and stick my head in a bucket of water? I've got one ready. Wait a minute. [splashing noises] There, does that satisfy you?
— Marvin the Paranoid Android, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1978)
I'm not happy.
— Charity Bazaar, Histeria!
Ugh. I suppose, as a courtesy, I should extend an appropriate greeting. On behalf of the Utwig Proctors I truly hope, for your sake, that your day has been better than ours, although this really isn't saying that much.
— The Utwig, Star Control II
We're all doomed.
Life... is so hollow.
Oh, what is the point?
I'll do what I can, but expect very little.
Onward, to futility!
Life... is so hollow.
Oh, what is the point?
I'll do what I can, but expect very little.
Onward, to futility!
— Xan, resident cheerleader, Baldur's Gate
I'm in despair! <subject of the episode's rant> has left me in despair!
— Nozomu Itoshiki, Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei
No one... came to my party.
— Schwer-Muta Casasola Merkle, RosenkreuzStilette
Sigh... giving bad news is the one thing I actually enjoy.
— Zor, Sonic Lost World
Doomsday: So here we are, survivors of the Tiger's Claw. I'm surprised there are so many of us left. Now all we need are Paladin and Maniac so we can all die together.
Spirit: What a cheerful thought, Doomsday.
Spirit: What a cheerful thought, Doomsday.
Crying helps me slow down and obsess over the weight of life's problems.
— Sadness, Inside Out
Existence is pain.
Why smile? It doesn't accomplish anything.
— Lady Tomoe, Dead In Vinland
Bobby Hill: I always thought you drank and ate for fun?
Bill Dauterive: Oh, don't feel sorry for me. Being alone isn't too bad, you don't have to dress to impress. Which frees up a lot of time that I usually fill with sleeping, 'cause being awake is too depressing.
Bill Dauterive: Oh, don't feel sorry for me. Being alone isn't too bad, you don't have to dress to impress. Which frees up a lot of time that I usually fill with sleeping, 'cause being awake is too depressing.
— King of the Hill, "I'm With Cupid"
You're enjoying your day
Everything's going your way
Then along comes Debbie Downer!
Always there to tell you 'bout a new disease
A car accident, or killer bees
You’ll beg her to spare you
"Debbie, please!"
But you can't stop Debbie Downer!
Everything's going your way
Then along comes Debbie Downer!
Always there to tell you 'bout a new disease
A car accident, or killer bees
You’ll beg her to spare you
"Debbie, please!"
But you can't stop Debbie Downer!
— Saturday Night Live, the "Debbie Downer" theme song
Blaze: So, did you have fun on your little adventures?
Silver: Nooo! I didn't! I didn't have fun at all! My eyeliner's ruined... my arms hurt... I got kicked in the head... I hate everything, and I didn't even know I could do that. I-I'm usually just sad.
Silver: Nooo! I didn't! I didn't have fun at all! My eyeliner's ruined... my arms hurt... I got kicked in the head... I hate everything, and I didn't even know I could do that. I-I'm usually just sad.
