"Thatís right, Jubilee! Thereís nothing 'cool' about having my psychic wife transport a gunfighter from the future and me into a digital world of danger and adventure! And if saying that makes me 'lame,' then I guess Iím just a big 'lame!'
Oh, Cyclops. Of all the Cyclopses in the world, youíre the Cyclopsest."
—Chris Sims, "The X-Men, Pizza and Cyberspace, Together at Last"
"I eased the car up the driveway and pulled around to the entrance, and outside there were four students in Red Sox hats. They were Massholes in spirit, even if we weren't technically in Massachusetts. They had the dirty stubble. They had the shitty hats. They had that typical asshole Boston sports fan look of arrogant misery. Looked like they had just punched out a packy store clerk for not having any Kodiak behind the counter.
And I thought to myself... NOPE. No fucking way. I had two sons and I wasn't letting them grow up to be THAT. I'd far prefer they grow up to become dipshit Maryland lax bros. ANYTHING is preferable...That's how much you motherfuckers suck. All those titles in every sport and you're all STILL unhappy. All the fucking time. If my team had three rings, I would skip around my neighborhood naked all day long, throwing cupcake sprinkles at everyone."
—Drew Magary, Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New England Patriots"
"Summertime is generally a happy time, making it my least favorite time of year."
It's not alright I've been avoiding
empty faces around me.
I know you depress yourself,
and hell, you're depressing me.
— Gileah and the Ghost Train, "The Emergency"
"I'm quite used to being humiliated. I can even go and stick my head in a bucket of water if you like. Would you like me to go and stick my head in a bucket of water? I've got one ready. Wait a minute."
"There, does that satisfy you?"
—Marvin the Paranoid Android, "The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy"
"Ugh. I suppose, as a courtesy, I should extend an appropriate greeting. On behalf of the Utwig Proctors I truly hope, for your sake, that your day has been better than ours, although this really isn't saying that much."
—The Utwig, Star Control 2
We're all doomed.
Life...is so hollow.
Oh, what is the point?
I'll do what I can, but expect very little.
I'm in despair! <subject of the episode's rant> has left me in despair!
— Nozomu Itoshiki, Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei
"No one... came to my party."
— Schwer-Muta Casasola Merkle, RosenkreuzStilette
Gamal: How's it going?
Jeriah: Not too good — still alive.
Gamal: We need to talk.
"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed."
"Sigh... giving bad news is the one thing I actually enjoy."
Zor, Sonic Lost World
Doomsday: So here we are, survivors of the Tiger's Claw. I'm surprised there are so many of us left. Now all we need are Paladin and Maniac so we cal all die together.
Spirit: What a cheerful thought, Doomsday.
— Wing Commander II: Vengeance of the Kilrathi