Prince Edmund: So? Some carrot-faced, thistle-arsed Scottish orangutan wants a eunuch, does he?!
Lord Percy: Apparently, he's a great warrior, my Lord...
Edmund: Oh, yes, that's what they all say, those Scots! They're just barbarians! Half of them can't even speak English!
Baldrick: What do they speak?
Edmund: I don't know- it's all Greek to me.
Percy: They speak Greek?
Edmund: No, I mean it sounds like Greek.
Percy: Well, if it sounds like Greek, it probably is Greek.
Edmund: It's not Greek!
Percy: But it sounds like it. "What's not Greek, but sounds like it?" That's a good one, my Lord!
Edmund: It's not a brain-teaser, Percy! I'm simply telling you I cannot understand a blind word they're saying!
Percy: Well, no wonder, my Lord! You never learned Greek!
Edmund: (murderously calm) Percy... have you ever wondered what your insides look like?
Percy: Well, sometimes, my Lord, yes.
Edmund: (grabs a knife) Well, I'd be perfectly willing to satisfy your curiosity! Is that clear?! IS IT?!!!
Lord Percy: Apparently, he's a great warrior, my Lord...
Edmund: Oh, yes, that's what they all say, those Scots! They're just barbarians! Half of them can't even speak English!
Baldrick: What do they speak?
Edmund: I don't know- it's all Greek to me.
Percy: They speak Greek?
Edmund: No, I mean it sounds like Greek.
Percy: Well, if it sounds like Greek, it probably is Greek.
Edmund: It's not Greek!
Percy: But it sounds like it. "What's not Greek, but sounds like it?" That's a good one, my Lord!
Edmund: It's not a brain-teaser, Percy! I'm simply telling you I cannot understand a blind word they're saying!
Percy: Well, no wonder, my Lord! You never learned Greek!
Edmund: (murderously calm) Percy... have you ever wondered what your insides look like?
Percy: Well, sometimes, my Lord, yes.
Edmund: (grabs a knife) Well, I'd be perfectly willing to satisfy your curiosity! Is that clear?! IS IT?!!!
Milo: It's for protection.
Kida: I know what the spear is for. But why is it in a glass case?
Milo: No, the glass case is for protection.
Kida: Wouldn't the spear be better protection than a glass case?
Milo: Yes...no! It's there to protect from someone who might want to steal it.
[Beat]
Kida: Why would someone want to steal a glass case?
Kida: I know what the spear is for. But why is it in a glass case?
Milo: No, the glass case is for protection.
Kida: Wouldn't the spear be better protection than a glass case?
Milo: Yes...no! It's there to protect from someone who might want to steal it.
[Beat]
Kida: Why would someone want to steal a glass case?
[during a Dungeons & Dragons game; Ed is Dungeon Master]
Ed: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
Eric: A gazebo? What color is it?
Ed: [pause] It's white, Eric.
Eric: How far away is it?
Ed: About 50 yards.
Eric: How big is it?
Ed: [pause] It's about 30 ft across, 15 ft high, with a pointed top.
Eric: I use my sword to detect good on it.
Ed: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo.
Eric: [pause] I call out to it.
Ed: It won't answer. It's a gazebo.
Eric: [pause] I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
Ed: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!
Eric: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?
Ed: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
Eric: [pause] Wasn't it wounded?
Ed: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT'S A GAZEBO!
Eric: [whimper] But that was a +3 arrow!
Ed: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#$%!! gazebo!
Eric: [Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.] I run away.
Ed: [thoroughly frustrated] It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you.
Eric: [reaching for his dice] Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.
Ed: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
Eric: A gazebo? What color is it?
Ed: [pause] It's white, Eric.
Eric: How far away is it?
Ed: About 50 yards.
Eric: How big is it?
Ed: [pause] It's about 30 ft across, 15 ft high, with a pointed top.
Eric: I use my sword to detect good on it.
Ed: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo.
Eric: [pause] I call out to it.
Ed: It won't answer. It's a gazebo.
Eric: [pause] I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
Ed: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!
Eric: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?
Ed: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
Eric: [pause] Wasn't it wounded?
Ed: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT'S A GAZEBO!
Eric: [whimper] But that was a +3 arrow!
Ed: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#$%!! gazebo!
Eric: [Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.] I run away.
Ed: [thoroughly frustrated] It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you.
Eric: [reaching for his dice] Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.
