Michael: What's more boring than a queen doing a Judy Garland imitation?
Donald: A queen doing a Bette Davis imitation.
"I can't bear professional Scotsmen."
— Scottish actor Alastair Sim on turning down the lead role in Whiskey Galore! (1949)
"When I was in high school, some kids were passing around fliers for the Asian Student Alliance and asked if I wanted to join, and I was like, 'Eh, I'm Asian enough. *nervous laughter* Did it HAVE to be on YELLOW PAPER?! Oh my God, you guys!'"
"You can use stereotypes to your advantage. For example, if you're tall everyone assumes you play basketball. You could foolishly spend 2 seconds every time you meet a stupid stranger to say, 'No, I don't play basketball,' or you could initiate SuperPlan X: let them think their stereotypes are true. Then, when the time is just right, you strike... and don't play basketball!"
"Oh dear, who authorized this? A giant horned skull? Really? I'm sorry, I thought this was 2008."
— Satan, Sam & Max: Freelance Police, "What's New, Beelzebub?"
"New Rule: If Latino immigrants want to be taken seriously, they have to stop wearing the giant hats! The civil rights marchers in the fifties didn't dress like Buckwheat and carry watermelons! You're a proud immigrant demanding his rights! Not the Frito-Bandito!"
— Bill Maher, Real Time with Bill Maher
"Never never never be ashamed you're Jewish, because it's enough that I'm ashamed you're Jewish."
— Farber, You Could Live If They Let You
"We're not just voting for [Barack Obama] 'cause he's black, we're voting for him 'cause he's black and qualified. That's why we're voting for the motherfucker. Yeah. That's why we behind him. It's not like we're voting for Flavor Flav. 'Yeeeeah, boooooy! Flavor Flaaaav!' Hey, I love Flavor. Lovin' him for 20 years. I love the Flavor of Love show; I think it's quite entertainin'. But Flavor Flav must be killed. In order for black people to truly reach the promised land, Flavor Flav has to be shot. These are important times! We got a black man runnin' for President! We don't need a nigger runnin' around with a fuckin' clock around his neck and a Viking hat on his head! 'Not this year, Flav, put a suit on! Nigga, put a suit on!'"
— Chris Rock, Kill the Messenger