Quotes: Stop Being Stereotypical


Michael: What's more boring than a queen doing a Judy Garland imitation?
Donald: A queen doing a Bette Davis imitation.

Oh dear, who authorized this? A giant horned skull? Really? I'm sorry, I thought this was 2008.
Satan, Sam & Max: Freelance Police, "What's New, Beelzebub?"

Barney: I just realized itís 3:45 in the afternoon. If youíre a vampire, why arenít you in your coffin?
Angel: (incensed) 'Coffin.' I hate that stereotype. Youíre a demon, and you donít know anything about vampires?
Barney: Only what Iíve learned from TV...
Angel: Vampires donít sleep in coffins. Itís a misconception made popular by hack writers and ignorant media. (Gets up, stamps around) In fact, you know, we can and do move around during the day! As long as we avoid direct sunlight! Got it?!
Angel, "Parting Gifts"

Never never never be ashamed you're Jewish, because it's enough that I'm ashamed you're Jewish.

Real Life

I can't bear professional Scotsmen.
— Scottish actor Alastair Sim on turning down the lead role in Whiskey Galore! (1949)

When I was in high school, some kids were passing around fliers for the Asian Student Alliance and asked if I wanted to join, and I was like, 'Eh, I'm Asian enough. *nervous laughter* Did it HAVE to be on YELLOW PAPER?! Oh my God, you guys!'

Let's talk about Jubilee. Not only did they make the Chinese mutant the worst one, when they sat down to think up her abilities, they came up with 'make fireworks.' That's not a super power. That's more like the actual occupation of millions of Chinese kids. It's not as bad as giving her laundry powers or the ability to squirt oyster sauce, but it's still one of answers on a racist Family Feud board, "Things Chinese People Do".

Well, itís official. Bette Midler is my tia who tells my cousins to pull down their skirts and stop running around looking like prostitutas...Bette is right about Ariana Grande. Ariana looks like sheís 12 and sheís always done up like a toddler Lola Bunny, so when she starts bringing the sex, I donít know whether to laugh or scream for the authorities.
Michael K., "Bette's Protip to Arianna Grande"

Here's Mike Francesa, who is a human bag of shit, ranting about athletes taking paternity leave, a stupid hot take dredged up by stupid people once every three years or so when there's nothing else to talk about. Francesa is an extinct landwhale of a human, and I hate it when people treat his bullying assholishness as some form of hypnotic entertainment...He's the man carrying the torch for every dated New Yorker stereotype you've ever loathed. He is the tri-state area's worst ambassador. The villain in a Spike Lee film incarnate. Fuck him.

Yes, hockey is still quite a big deal up here. You should really give it a chance sometime. It's fast paced and hard-hitting and oh fuck it... I can't do it any more. Hockey sucks. We admit it.

I'm not kidding. This past season I watched almost no hockey, and it was great. You know what's better than watching hockey for three hours? Fucking anything.

Hey, I love Flavor. Lovin' him for 20 years. I love the Flavor of Love show; I think it's quite entertaining. But Flavor Flav must be killed. In order for black people to truly reach the promised land, Flavor Flav has to be shot. These are important times! We got a black man runnin' for President! We don't need a nigger runnin' around with a fuckin' clock around his neck and a Viking hat on his head! 'Not this year, Flav, put a suit on!
Chris Rock, Kill the Messenger

And much as video game censorship chives my spuds, I can sort of see where they're coming from on this one. Here's me living for the day the mainstream media understands that video games aren't just mindless violence for twelve-year-old future Unabombers, and Mortal Kombat isn't helping my case. It's like a sitcom moment wherein Character X defends the intelligence of Character Y while in the background Character Y is busy snorting Drano off the back of an enraged lioness.