Quotes: Soap Opera Disease

Chris: Do they actually say itís cancer? I know that they say Lionel has a liver disease, but I assumed that was because the only thing we have ever seen him ingesting is single malt scotch.
David: I just assumed, what with the skeletal appearance and the specificity of the liver. Wikipedia just says ďterminal liver disease,Ē though, so I guess Iím wrong.
Chris: Heís contracted a severe case of MacGuffinís Disease! The only cure is an infusion of Deus ex Machina, but where will we be able to find that on Smallville?!
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri, on Smallville'' ("Transference")

As a subplot, Spleen's brother, Burnt, has a horrible disease with absolutely no physical symptoms except that it causes him to become somewhat moody.
- W Bruce Cameron, Eight Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter (the book, not the Sitcom)

Matthew: Yeah, I need come up with some new wheelchair jokes. After all, I'm here for life.
(Wearing a full body cast and oxygen mask): What's the matter with you guys?
Um, we've got some head trauma and internal bleeding.
Well, some guys have all the luck. (violin plays) I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs. And every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.

Zorc: I have a terminal disease!
Yami Bakura: But you can't die! What about our adopted daughter? Who's going to take care of her when you're gone?
Zorc: She also has a terminal disease!
Zorc and Pals, Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series.