Quotes / Screaming Birth

...the tiny guy baby is still emerging from the mother, and the doctor tells her that it's a boy, and she, in a classic expression of maternal joy, responds, "ARGGHHHHHHHH." She is not feeling so great, because the baby is not that tiny, compared with the orifice it is emerging from.
Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys

"Now let's see here..." Dr. Andrew muttered as he tried to measure how far along she was. "Holy shit! You're ready! Have you been feeling little pains for the whole day?"
"Yes! Now get it out of me before kill the both of you, and turn your hides into my own personal pajamas!" She shouted as she squeezed Warden's hand so tight it turned purple.
"Don't worry about that, Warden." Dr. Andrew told the pale groom. "They all say that."
Warden nodded his understanding, but was still worried. He knew Mistress could and would turn him into pajamas if she wanted to. Not all women had her abilities.
"Mistress, I want you to push on three. Got it?" Dr. Andrew asked his new patient. She nodded and he started the count.
"1, 2, 3, PUSH!" He shouted. Mistress screamed as she pushed with all her might.
"Good! I can see the head! Give me another big one! PUSH!" The doctor yelled. After this process, crying filled the room. Dr. Andrew snipped the cord and wrapped the child in a blanket.
Extended Stay, Chapter 13

"And at the next contraction, my wife told everyone in the delivery room that my parents were never married!"
Bill Cosby, Himself