"This is supposed to be my last night of work, not my last night on the planet Earth!"

And Frankie kicked a mine the day that mankind kicked the moon
God help him, he was going home in June.

Lien: I can't belive you survived as their prisoner for so long!
O-chul: I'll be honest, I did not actually expect to live through this.
Elan: Don't say that! Whenever someone says that right after surviving something dangerous, something totally random pops out and kills them!
Everyone looks around. When nothing happens:

Elan: Well, most of the time, at least. Just don't announce that you're going to retire tomorrow, okay?
—The Order of the Stick

Darth Maul: And to think... I was gonna retire after this case...

"Damn! And I was only one day from retirement!"

URL : "Poor Smitty. He was two weeks from retirement."
Fry: "What happened to him?"
URL : "He took an early retirement. Damn."