History Quotes / NeverTrustATrailer

''Hollywood is always pragmatic in these matters: If the filmmakers haven't made the film the studio had in mind, the studio simply advertises the film they wish had been made.''

->''"Today sees the publication of ''[[ComicBook/TheAmazingSpiderManWellsAndRomitaJr Amazing Spider-Man]]'' #2''[[note]]specifically Creator/ZebWells' run, which began in 2022[[/note]]'' with this solicitation. 'The best couple in comics is done? You aren't going to believe what is happening in this volume of AMAZING SPIDER-MAN.' One may be led to believe the comic book contains information regarding Peter Parker having split from Mary Jane [...] Something very bad has gone down, and now we get to discover exactly what.\\

->I mean, what if after ''VideoGame/SuperMarioWorld'', Nintendo came out with a teaser trailer for ''VideoGame/SuperMario64'', but upon release day, you were greeted with [[SuddenlyShouting MARIO]] '''''[[SuddenlyShouting CITY SIMULATOR?!]]''''' AND THEN YOU TURNED ON THE GAME AND SHIGERU MIYAMOTO'S GHOST COMES OUT AND IS LIKE "'''UHHH FUCKIN' WHO LIKES THE OLD MARIO GAMES AMIRITE? ''BRB, MAKIN' Franchise/{{THE LEGEND OF ZELDA}} VideoGame/{{MODERN WARFARE}}!!!'''''"

->I mean, what if after ''VideoGame/SuperMarioWorld'', Nintendo came out with a teaser trailer for ''VideoGame/SuperMario64'', but upon release day, you were greeted with [[SuddenlyShouting MARIO]] '''''[[SuddenlyShouting CITY SIMULATOR?!]]''''' AND THEN YOU TURNED ON THE GAME AND SHIGERU MIYAMOTO'S GHOST COMES OUT AND IS LIKE "'''UHHH FUCKIN' WHO LIKES THE OLD MARIO GAMES AMIRITE? ''BRB, MAKIN' Franchise/{{LEGEND OF ZELDA}} VideoGame/{{MODERN WARFARE}}!!!'''''"

'''Mr. Krabbs''': It's time I told you the Krabby Patty formula.\\

->''"Riddle me this: Why would you create a show for one demographic, but advertise it for another one? And then scratch your head quizzically when the show mysteriously fails?"''

->''"When the picture opened, it was a big, big flop...I went to David Picker and said, "You can't do this. No wonder the fucking picture is failing. It's giving the wrong impression. You make it look like a thriller and it's not, [[PoesLaw it's a satire.]]""''
-->--'''Creator/RobertAltman''' on his {{box office bomb}}, ''Film/TheLongGoodbye''

->''"They don't even call it advertising: [[{{newspeak}} It's a TEASER or a TRAILER]], a little bit of linguistic jiu-jitsu that tricks you into thinking that you what you are watching is somehow more substantive than a standard 30-second spot for boner pills or tampons...In fact, the trailers are usually significantly better than the movies, because all a movie can do, at this point, is crush your expectations."''
-->--'''[[http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/they-have-teasers-for-teasers-for-goddamn-trailers-now-1677137747 Drew Magary]]''', "They Have Teasers For Trailers Now"

->''"You know all that monster-punching in the trailer? Literally all of it takes place in the first ten fucking seconds of the movie. Some dude is going on and on, braggin' about the tales of Hercules, and he's like 'he fought this lion real good one time' ''[lion clip]'', and 'then he fought this hydra' ''[hydra clip]'', and 'also this boar thingy' ''[boar clip]'', and you're like...but...wait...if he already punched all the monsters, then what is Hercules going to do for the whole rest of this movie, which presumably isn't just 84 seconds long?"''
-->--'''[[http://jezebel.com/brett-ratners-hercules-is-bullshit-and-i-will-never-for-1611083867 Lindy West]]''', "Brett Ratner's ''[[{{Film/Hercules2014}} Hercules]]'' Is Bullshit and I Will Never Forgive Him"

->'''Jay:''' After the play bombs on opening night, a space meteor gives Riggin the real powers of the fictional Birdman character, and he fights to save the world from the an evil entity known as Moogootu, winning back the love of his estranged wife and daughter! A giant laser beams gets shot into New York City, as well! Mike, what did ''you'' think of ''Birdman''?\\
'''Mike:''' [[{{Understatement}} Trailer's a bit misleading.]]
-->--''WebVideo/HalfInTheBag'' on ''{{Film/Birdman}}''

->''"Maybe I’m wrong, but I can clearly remember being excited when I saw the trailer for a new ''Star Wars'' movie some 17 years ago, and [[Film/ThePhantomMenace we all know how that turned out.]]"''
-->--'''''Website/TheAgonyBooth''''', [[http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/Long_Awaited_Sequels_Never_That_Good.aspx "Why Long-Awaited Sequels Are Never That Good"]]

->''"The trailer would have you believe [[Creator/RussellCrowe Crowe’s]] character was having a private war with [[Creator/LeonardoDicaprio DiCaprio’s character]]. It makes it look like Crowe is setting up plots to kill [=DiCaprio=] and that Crowe’s character is bent and corrupt. That is not what this movie is about. What is really weird is that the dialog in the trailer is [[QuoteMining cut from all over the movie]] and not just between Crowe’s and [=DiCaprio=]’s character. So now you have our title characters making threatening statements against other characters, but are now making it look like in the trailer that they are threatening each other."''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2010/01/27/body-of-lies-2008-ridley-scott/ on]] ''Film/BodyOfLies'' (2008)

->"''Voyager'' may be the last defence against an all out invasion of Earth!"'' -- nothing of the sort is on the cards but you know this line was included so they could [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80XDCJ3Qy-0 slip it into the promos]] and try and get more people watching! We’re so far from Earth at this point the statement is laughable and Janeway should be [[HystericalWoman sectioned for her hysterics]]."''
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/voyager-season-five.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "In the Flesh"

->''"I’ve pondered if I’d really need to write a single joke. Just reporting the facts is laughable enough...See that poster above? That was official {{Wrestling/TNA}} promotional material. You’ll note it features Wrestling/KurtAngle.\\\
He never appeared on the show.\\\
See? [[SarcasmFailure No need to write a joke.]] Just reporting the facts."''
-->--'''''Website/{{WrestleCrap}}''''', [[http://www.wrestlecrap.com/inductions/induction-hardyvssting/ "89 Seconds That Tell The Tale of TNA"]]

->''"I wasn't always like this. Oh, no. When I first started reviewing video games I was as [[BreakTheCutie bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as they come]]. CGI trailers made my little acorn winkie rigid. A preview of a hot new video game was still enough to moisten my panties...And after so many fucking years of all this utter bullshit, of being given'' '''vague ideas''' ''of how a thing is'' '''supposed''' ''to look, or an outright dishonest representation of it, I just can't get excited for it anymore. Not in the way I'm ''supposed'' to."''
-->--'''Creator/JimSterling''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br3Xm_s1P6Q "Star Wars battlefront Made Me Realize I'm a Cynical Prick"]]

->''"Why not check out this game we made, called ''The Evil Within''. Look, you're in a creepy hospital and have to sneak around a chainsaw murderer!"''\\\
''"Looks like my cup of tea,"'' I said, but then I reached the end of the starting section, which coincidentally marked the end of the [[UsefulNotes/ElectronicEntertainmentExpo E3]] gameplay video I'd seen, and the game went ''"''BORED NOW!'' Let's have a car chase."''\\\
''"'''[[BigWhat WHAT!!]]'''"''\\\
''"And here's a pistol and a shotgun and a crossbow that shoots lightning somehow! And now you're in the woods massacring zombie farmers and avoiding traps that only the twitchiest caffeine-riddled paranoid would be able to anticipate!"''\\\
''"Wait a second, ''I recognize that voice!'' ([[DramaticUnmask tears off mask]])'' '''''VideoGame/ResidentEvil4'''''!"
-->-- '''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/TheEvilWithin''

->''"According to [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aIrLgLDtYg the now-infamous trailer]], Snake is the one who fights Fortune, not Raiden, and Snake is the one who walks through the bloody corridor next to the transformer room; he fights a harrier jet too, but this time it’s on the Verrazano Bridge! He even meets Cyborg Ninja. It was all lies, of course."''
-->--'''Terry Wolf''', [[http://metagearsolid.org/2012/06/part-iii-mgs2-a-complete-breakdown/3/ "The Selfish Meme"]]

->''"Though we were shown trailers that made it look like the game would have [[SceneryPorn tiny little flies]] that were as detailed as the whole environment, in the final game, everything smaller than a fucking wall looks like it was ripped from YouTube...''VideoGame/DukeNukem3D'' had more interactivity in 1996."''
-->--'''George Weidman''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMdJhP9UWcE on]] ''VideoGame/{{Rage}}''

->''"The trailer would have you believe [[Creator/RussellCrowe Crowe’s]] character was having a private war with [[LeonardoDicaprio DiCaprio’s character]]. It makes it look like Crowe is setting up plots to kill [=DiCaprio=] and that Crowe’s character is bent and corrupt. That is not what this movie is about. What is really weird is that the dialog in the trailer is [[QuoteMining cut from all over the movie]] and not just between Crowe’s and [=DiCaprio=]’s character. So now you have our title characters making threatening statements against other characters, but are now making it look like in the trailer that they are threatening each other."''