"DON'T YOU SEE? YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING WITH YOUR LIFE! YOU NEVER LEFT THE HOUSE! ALL YOU DID WAS WATCH PORNOGRAPHY! AND BECAUSE OF THAT, YOU NEVER SCORED!"
— Ghost of Christmas Future/Buzzcut to Beavis, Beavis and Butt-Head ("Huh-Huh-Humbug")
Dr. Friedlander: Your son, James. He's a good kid?
Michael: He's a good kid? A good kid? Why? Does he help the fucking poor? No. He sits on his ass all day, smoking dope and jerking off while he plays that fucking game. If that's our standard for goodness ... then no wonder this country's screwed.
Dr. Friedlander: And what about you?
Michael: What about me? Hey ... I didn't have the advantages that kid has. By the time I was his age, I'd already been in prison twice. I robbed banks. I ran whores. I smuggled dope.
Dr. Friedlander: And you consider them achievements?
Michael: These were the opportunities I had. At least I took 'em.
Michael: He's a good kid? A good kid? Why? Does he help the fucking poor? No. He sits on his ass all day, smoking dope and jerking off while he plays that fucking game. If that's our standard for goodness ... then no wonder this country's screwed.
Dr. Friedlander: And what about you?
Michael: What about me? Hey ... I didn't have the advantages that kid has. By the time I was his age, I'd already been in prison twice. I robbed banks. I ran whores. I smuggled dope.
Dr. Friedlander: And you consider them achievements?
Michael: These were the opportunities I had. At least I took 'em.
"'Say, where can I get one of these... jobs?' 'Oh, they're everywhere! Especially if you're green and have six tentacles!' 'Thaaanks! I'm gonna go look for one, so I can stop MOOCHING OFF MY FRIENDS, and they can get back to their lives!'"
— SpongeBob subtly telling Squidward to get a job, SpongeBob SquarePants, "Can You Spare a Dime?"
