"In the eternal struggle between good and evil, good has always prevailed. But this time, evil has a secret, incredible, totally handsome weapon! ME!"
—Megamind
"I make bad look so good."
—Megamind
Hal: Wow! Okay, the stuff they make you read on air is un-freakin'-believable. It's crazy.
Roxanne: I wrote that piece myself, Hal.
Hal: ...What I was trying to say, was... I can't believe that, in our modern society, they let, like, actual art get onto the news.
Roxanne: Nice save, Hal.
Hal: What are we? Like, let's just get a coffee or something.
Roxanne: Come on! It's time to get into the Metro Man Day spirit!
Hal: Well, if I were Metro Man, Megamind wouldn't be kidnapping you all the time! That's the first thing.
Roxanne: That's sweet, Hal.
Hal: And I'd be watching you, like... a dingo, watches a human baby. Okay, that sounded... okay, that sounded a little weird.
Roxanne: A little bit, yeah...
Megamind: My spider bite is acting up!
Roxanne: Your plan is failing! Just admit it.
Minion: Yeah, good luck with that one.
Megamind: ...Whose side are you on?
Roxanne: The losing side.
Minion: Thank you!
Roxanne: Uh, could someone stamp my frequent kidnapping card?
Megamind: Ohohohohoho... you of all people know we discontinued that promotion. Ciao ciao, all!
Roxanne: Same time next week?
"He was always there for us. Dependable. Perhaps we took him for granted. You know, maybe, we never really know how good we have it until it's gone. We miss you, Metro Man. I miss you. And I have just one question for Megamind: Are you happy now? This is Roxanne Ritchi, reporting from a city without a hero. Coming up next, are you ready to be a slave army? What you need to know."
—Roxanne Ritchi
Roxanne: Ugh, girls, girls! You're both pretty! Can I go home now?
Megamind: Of course! That is, if Metro Man can withstand the full concentrated power of the sun! FIRE!
[Nothing happens; Metro Man looks at Megamind skeptically, the mayor checks his watch]
Megamind: Uh... Minion? Fire?
Minion: Still warming up, sir.
Megamind: Come again?
Minion: Warming up.
Megamind: "Warming up"? The sun is WARMING UP?!
Minion: One second more, aaaand... juuust tippy tappy tippy tap tap tip top more, and we are ready...
Megamind: HONESTLY!
Metro Man: On my way, Roxie!
Megamind: I told you to have things ready. I told you countless times...
Minion: Why do you always blame me?
—Megamind and Minion during the opening act.
Metro Man: Good Lord... I'm trapped!
Megamind: What kind of trickery is this?
Metro Man: You mad genius! Your dark gift has finally... paid off!
Megamind: It-it has?
Metro Man: This dome... is obviously lined... with copper!
Megamind: Yeah? So?
Metro Man: Copper... drains... my powers!
Megamind: Your weakness is copper?! ...You're kidding, right?
Megamind: First off... what a turnout! How wild is this, huh? All I did was eliminate the most powerful man in the universe! Are there any questions? Come on? Yes, you in the back.
Roxanne: I'm sure we'd all like to know what you plan to do with us, and this city!
Megamind: Good, I'm glad you asked that. Imagine, the most horrible... terrifying... evil thing you can possibly think of... and multiply it... by SIX! In the meantime, I want you to carry on with the dreary, normal things you... normal people do. Let's just have fun with this, come on! And I will get back to you...
Megamind: HAL SCHTEWART! PREPARE FOR YOUR DESTINY! ...Hal? Hal Schtewart? Am I saying it right?
Minion: Hal Stewart.
Megamind: Ahhh.
Hal: AH! Is this a robbery?! 'Cause the lady across the hall has way better stuff than me!
Megamind: Oh, look! It's Hal Stewart! Quick, the spray!
Hal: (screams)
Minion: Oops, all out.
Megamind: Well, use the Forget-Me-Stick.
Minion: Oh, right! (THWACK!)
[Roxanne is storming home in the rain after finding out Megamind's ruse during their date; dodging rehydrating trash, she suddenly stops on hearing squealing brakes from out of nowhere. The invisible car comes to a stop, and Megamind gets out.]
Megamind: I can explain!
[Roxanne says nothing, only growls in frustration and storms away]
Megamind: What about everything you just said, about judging a book by its cover?!
Roxanne: Well, let's take a look at the contents, shall we? You destroyed Metro Man, you took over the city, and then, you actually got me to care about you! Why are you so evil?! Tricking me? What could you possibly hope to gain?... Wait a minute. Oh, I don't believe this.
[Megamind says nothing]
Roxanne: Do you really think that I would ever be with you?
Megamind: ...No.
"You know, little buddy, there's a yin for every yang. If there's bad, good will rise up against it. It's taken me a long time to find my calling. Now it's about time... that you find yours."
—Metro Man
Mayor: Thank you! Thank you! Titan has freed us!
Titan: Oh, I wouldn’t say free. More like... under new management.
Titan: (on TV) Megamind! You and I have unfinished business. I'll be waiting at Metro Tower. Oh, and just so you don't get cold feet... (reveals a captured Roxanne)
Megamind: Roxanne...
Titan: Come on, Roxie. Call for your hero to come rescue you.
Roxanne: Megamind, I don't even know if you're listening... but if you are, you can't give up! The Megamind I knew would never run from a fight, even if he knew he had no chance at winning. You need to be that guy, right now! The city needs you... I need you.
Megamind: Roxanne!
Titan: You have one hour. Don't keep me waiting.
Roxanne: Please don't do this! I know there's still good in you, Hal!
Titan: You're so naive, Roxie. You see the good in everybody even when it's not there. You're living a fantasy! There is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy, and there is no Queen of England. This is the real world, and you need to wake up!
Titan: You're so naive, Roxie. You see the good in everybody even when it's not there. You're living a fantasy! There is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy, and there is no Queen of England. This is the real world, and you need to wake up!
Megamind: You dare challenge Megamind?!
Titan: This town isn't big enough for two super villains!
Megamind: Oh, you're a villain alright. Just not a super one!
Titan: Yeah? What's the difference?
Megamind: PRESENTATION!
Titan: You're so pathetic! No matter what side you're on, you're always the loser.
Megamind: There's a benefit to losing... you get to learn from your mistakes!
Megamind: In case you haven't noticed, you've fallen right into my trap.
Metro Man: You can't trap justice. It's an idea. A belief!
Megamind: But even the most heartfelt beliefs can be corroded over time.
Metro Man: Justice is a non-corrosive metal.
Megamind: But metals can be melted by the heat of revunge!
Metro Man: It's "revenge", and it's best served cold!
Megamind: But it can be easily be reheated, in the microwave of evil!
Metro Man: Well I think your warranty is about to expire!
Megamind: Maybe I got an extended warranty!
Metro Man: Warranties are invalid if you don't use the product for it's intended purpose!
Roxanne: Ugh, girls, girls! You're both pretty! Can I go home now?
— Megamind and Metro Man engaging in Ham-to-Ham Combat during the opening act.
