Quotes / Masochist's Meal

It has a funny taste. You can't put your finger on it, but if you had to describe it you would say it has the flavor of INTENSE PAIN.

—Problem Sleuth

"The secret ingredient... is phone."

—Doctor Krieger, Archer

Reg: Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are ya?
Tough Guy: How tough am I? How tough am I? I had a bowl of nails for breakfast this mornin'!
Reg: Yea-hah, so?
Tough Guy: Without any milk.

—SpongeBob SquarePants

"Batsu-san has a tendency to fill every dish with red pepper. In other words, the food's hot. Really hot. Imagine being stabbed in the tongue and then having salt rubbed into it, and you'll be on the right track."

—Shirou Emiya internally monologuing about a restaurant, Fate/stay night

Her name is Banica Conchita
Formerly a master of this land’s gourmet foods
To that end what she pursued
Was to extremes the most supreme evil food

—"Evil Food Eater Conchita", Evillious Chronicles

"If you drink pilk, you're a fucking coward. Pepsi and milk? No, you need to do better. You need to take an entire box of Swiss Miss, dump all that shit into a tall glass, and then put in some chocolate syrup (an amount equal to roughly a QUARTER of the amount of Swiss Miss you put in). You should then mix it up, until it becomes a chocolate paste, and fill it with a small amount of milk; not too much, because then it becomes too runny. You want minimal milk. Just enough to make the whole thing drinkable. Mix further until it looks like chunky chocolate milk, and then microwave it to bring out its true power. When it comes out, it should look awful. I've named this drink S H R U M."

—Bionicle lost media: Tony becomes stronger, set to footage of the original Toa Nuva commercial.

Having consumed the mackerel, it didn't take long for the android's bodily fluids to congeal. Muscle rigidity and paralysis soon followed.
"It was good, though." the android thought as consciousness faded. "Exquisite, even. No wonder humans used to eat them..."

—NieR: Automata, "aji wo [K]utta"

Phaic Tanese cuisine can best be described as "explosive," a fiery combination of chili, garlic and pepper to which food is occasionally added. Whether you dine at a five-star restaurant or a simple street vendor's stall, the memory of these meals will stay with you long after the intestinal parasites have been eradicated.

—Phaic Tan: Sunstroke On A Shoestring

"The second you put it in your mouth, you sense that something is wrong... You can tell after one bite that this isn't edible... There's no way you can swallow it..."

— The narration upon attempting to eat the catastrophically botched curry Chie and Yukiko have cooked, Persona 4

Bank P.A.: Only the true Master Yo could survive such a disgusting and vile trek. Now, EAT THE DOOM PIZZA!
Yo: Are you sure I have to do this? I'm the last panda on the planet!
Bank P.A.: EAT THE DOOM PIZZA!
Yo: ...Does it at least have anchovies?
Bank P.A.: NO! THAT WOULD COST EXTRA!

—Yin Yang Yo!

"A rock hard ballistic biscuit. Who baked this thing?!"

— The description of the Surprise Cookie, The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky SC

Sarge: Heh, you're lucky. As a recruit, Grif didn't even know what a grenade was! I called it a pineapple, and he tried to swallow it.
Grif: Yeah, well it still tasted better than those MRE's you serve us.
Sarge: Grif! Show some respect! Do you know how many men died to develop those meals?
Grif: I can tell you exactly how many: everybody who ever tasted one!

— Red vs. Blue, "Watch the Flank"

"Eating one without getting stung is quite an accomplishment."

— Flavor text of the Maraquan Jellypops TCG card, Neopets

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