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Quotes / Malaproper

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    Comic Strips 
"It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man!"
— From some strips of Frank and Ernest

    Fan Works 
Beren: "Um, Sir — that wasn't a rhetorical question."
[long pause]
Finrod: [desperate bravado] "I think the word you want is "hypothetical.""
Beren: "No, I think the word we want is — "help".

Azrael: What I wouldn't give for someone who understands the value of presentation.
Zefron: I UNDERSTAND PRESENTATION. I WILL PRESENTATION MYSELF BEFORE FATHER AFTER I SMASH THE LILIM.
Azrael: That's not….. you know what? Nevermind. Hopefully, the Lilim can appreciate a bit of flair.
Zefron: HOW WOULD YOU BURN THEM ENOUGH FOR THEM TO APPRECIATE FLARE? YOU DO NOT CONTROL FIRE.
Azrael: Not flare, flair!
Zefron: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
Azrael: ….. I hate you so much right now.

    Film — Animated 
"Careful, men. Search every cook and nanny—uh, hook and granny—uh, crooked fan— ...Search everywhere."

    Film — Live-Action 
"My English spelling so bad whenever I'm wanting tea, I'm having a pea."
Don Carlos Bernardo, Are You Being Served?

Peter Quill: See, not winging it isn't exactly what they do.
Peter Parker: Um... What exactly is it that they do?
Mantis: Kick names, take ass.
Drax: Yeah, that's right.
[five second long Beat in which Stark looks like he's regretting every single one of his life choices]
Tony Stark: ...alright, just get over here, please.

"Gordon Bennett! They're having a phonographic orgy!"
Mrs. Dangle, Carry On Emmannuelle

Sam: I 'ad mumps when I was thirty. Ooh, shocking it was. My utensils was all swelled up!
Henry: I know. Something to do with the prostitute gland.

Lenina Huxley: Simon Phoenix has matched his meat. You really licked his ass!
John Spartan: That's met his match. And kicked... kicked his ass.

Nicholas: Your dad has appointed himself Judge, Jury, and Executioner!
Danny: But he's not Judge Judy and executioner!

Principle Jindrake: You may be under the impression that I encourage horseplay and malarkey, you're wrong, I don't encourage it, I excourage it.
Max Keeble: Excourage?
Principle Jindrake: It means the opposite of encourage. Look it up.

Scrubba: What's this, then? A rolling pin?
Lurcio: "A rolling pin"? My poor, simple, ignorant girl, what does it look like? It's one of those symbols, isn' it? "Psychic".
Scrubba: You mean "phallic"?

    Literature 
"Have I mentioned that I'm flatulent in many languages?"

    Live-Action TV 
"From the tiny acorn grows the mighty elk."
Mickey Doyle, Boardwalk Empire

Chris: We are gonna have a raffle!
Kel: I love raffles, especially with a lot of maple syrup and butter!
Kenan: Kel, that's a waffle. Chris is talking about a raffle.

Goody: I don't want to buy the queen a present sir she's an Anti-Christ.
Fouler: I beg your pardon!?
Goody: Oh, no, I mean Anarchist. No, no, what's that name for someone who is out of date and does not matter anymore?
Habib: I think you mean an Anachronism.
Goody: Yes, that's right, the Queen is an Anachronism.
Gladstone: I though that was someone who was scared of spiders.
Fouler: No, no that is an Arachnaphobic.
Gladstone: I thought that was someone who was scared of wide open spaces.
Habib: No, that's Agraphobics, they can't handle going outside. Arachnophobics hate spiders.
Fouler: Look, we're talking about the queen.
Goody: Is the Queen scared of spiders?
Gladstone: Well I wouldn't have thought so, but it is starting to look that way.
Goody: Perhaps that is why she is scared to go outside, sir.

Ricky: Just remember, Lahey! What comes around is all around!
Mr. Lahey: Don't you mean "What's all around comes around", Ricky?

    Radio 
"He's running down the middle of the field and gets his clean clocked."
Jermaine Wiggins, Felger & Mazz

    Tabletop Games 
"Chicken, chicken, chitchen, kitchen... Oh, man... I'm getting hungry."
Mr. Lugnut, Quelf

    Theatre 
"O villain! Thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this!"

"But the point we would request of you is, that you will promise to forget this fellow — to illiterate him, I say, quite from your memory."
Mrs. Malaprop, The Rivals

    Video Games 
Ah... you are from the Fighters Guild, I resume. Good show. I am Lord Rugdumph gro-Shurgak. Let us conversate on the Lady Rogbut. I fear that whilst out rock-picking, she was apprehensive. Stolen away! My suspension is that ogres have abjected her! Please search to the east of my sprawling abode. They have been known to vacate these premises. I am most gracious and truly woeful.

    Web Video 
"You Don't Spit on Superman's cape, you don't tug into the wind, you don't cast Johnny Depp in the Old Lone Ranger and you don't mess around with Marvel's Opening Weekend."

Li'l Broomstick: Homie, remember when we met?
Baku: Nah, I got insomnia.
Li'l Broomstick: Amnesia.
Baku: I don't know who that is.
Sethical, "Pack Ya Bags"

    Western Animation 
D.W.: [shuts off faucet] It's called water conversation!
Arthur: You mean conservation! And what it's really called is annoying your brother.
Arthur, "Feeling Flush"

"Lisa's in trouble! Ha! The ironing is delicious."
Bart Simpson, The Simpsons

    Wrestling 
"Another man who's been waiting anxiously in anticipation - his name is Jeff Harvey!"
"WEBA... WWE Championship"
"At One Night Stand, we'll see a Swing a Poor Cane match!"
"Chavo tapped off to Morrison!"
"And here comes CW Punk!"
"The Samoan Bulldog, Umaga!"
"Dreamer is taking it to Tommy Morrison!"
Mike Adamle, the voice of the WWE

    Real Life 
"BRING ON THE EMPTY HORSES!"
Michael Curtiz calling for some riderless steeds

"One time my boss comes over and he says, 'I don't want you guys conjugating around the cash register like this.' And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Well I am, you are, he/she/it is.'"
Gary Gulman

"I am not, indeed, sure whether it is not true to say that the Milton who once seemed not unlike a seventeenth-century Shelley had not become, out of an experience ever more bitter in each year, more aliensic  to the founder of that Jesuit sect which nothing could induce him to tolerate."
Professor Harold Laski, Essay in Freedom of Expression

"It was reported in New Scientist that an office worker described a colleague as 'a vast suppository of information'. The worker then apologised for his 'Miss-Marple-ism'."
New Scientist

"Well, first of all, this election is about more than Herschel Walker. This erection is about the people."
Herschel Walker

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