I have been touched by your kids... and I'm pretty sure that I've touched them!
— Dewey Finn, School of Rock
Marshall: It's kinda a big, professional meeting, you might want to trade out that lollipop for a shirt.
Ted: I'll just give it to one of these kids.
Marshall: Buddy, you're half naked. You're not a parent to any of these children. Don't offer them candy.
Ted: I'll just give it to one of these kids.
Marshall: Buddy, you're half naked. You're not a parent to any of these children. Don't offer them candy.
"So suddenly it's a crime for a grown man to hang around the high school taking pictures of young girls."
— Harry Solomon, 3rd Rock from the Sunnote
SUPERMAN ON MYSTERIOUS DATE WITH ALLEGED 'MAGICAL GIRL' GREEN LANTERN! REALLY 700 YEARS OLD OR IS MAN OF STEEL'S SECRET LOLICON TENDENCIES OUT?
—Tabloid reporting Superman hanging out with Nanoha, Takamachi Nanoha of 2814
Mary...I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy!
— Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
Mel Beater: Darling…don't tell me you actually wanted to dismantle Mome!
Rand Travis: Nah, I didn't need to. Lil' Mome didn't have any problems getting her maintenance from me.
Mel: But that's—! You were poking all over Mome's body?!
Mel: You're awful, Darling! Pervert! Freak! I hate you!
Rand: N-now, hold on! She's a robot!
Rand Travis: Nah, I didn't need to. Lil' Mome didn't have any problems getting her maintenance from me.
Mel: But that's—! You were poking all over Mome's body?!
Mel: You're awful, Darling! Pervert! Freak! I hate you!
Rand: N-now, hold on! She's a robot!
Kisara: Good morning, Satomi-kun, I'm coming in.
(Rentaro and Enju wake up)
Rentaro: Could you say that before you get in?
Kisara: Shut up, I've come to take back Tina today, Huh? Where is she anyway?
(Tina crawls out from under Rentaro's blanket)
Tina: Good morning. Wasn't last night fun, onii-san? Though it was scary at first, I'm happy that you taught me a lot of things.
(Cue shocked looks from Rentaro, Enju, and Kisara)
Kisara: I-I'm calling the police...
Enju: Tina beat me to it!
(Rentaro and Enju wake up)
Rentaro: Could you say that before you get in?
Kisara: Shut up, I've come to take back Tina today, Huh? Where is she anyway?
(Tina crawls out from under Rentaro's blanket)
Tina: Good morning. Wasn't last night fun, onii-san? Though it was scary at first, I'm happy that you taught me a lot of things.
(Cue shocked looks from Rentaro, Enju, and Kisara)
Kisara: I-I'm calling the police...
Enju: Tina beat me to it!
"It is important to note that while Rogelio thinks he’s being recognized for his celebrity, the truth is: No one likes a grown man alone at a playground."
— Latin Lover Narrator, Jane the Virgin
"I love playing with children! Please don't give me that look, it hurts me, it really does. I really just simply enjoy playing with children... I really mean it."
Orochimaru: I am not a pedophile! I just want his body!
(There was an awkward silence.)
(There was an awkward silence.)
— It's For a Good Cause, I Swear!, a Naruto fanfic.
Pim: I love helping kids. I love kids, Charlie! I LOVE KIIIIDS!
Charlie: Uh Pim, I'd really not be uh, screaming that at the top of your lungs.
Charlie: Uh Pim, I'd really not be uh, screaming that at the top of your lungs.
Gumball: You guys really need to get out more.
Construction worker B: You’re right, we need to hang out with some other people. But where?
Construction worker A: The mall?
Construction workers B and C: Oh yeah. Good idea.
Gumball: Definitely not the mall. That’s where I’m going.
Construction worker C: Schools?
Gumball: [Struggles to figure out what to say] Alright, the mall.
— The Amazing World of Gumball, “The Misunderstanding”
Francis: You're all mad, I'm only doing my job. I'm a linguist.
Policeman: That's the first time I've heard it called that.
Policeman: That's the first time I've heard it called that.
"...I don't entirely understand it myself. I do like children— I sincerely find them endearing. But I've never touched them in that way. I don't understand where these baseless rumors got started, but... then everyone at my old job started looking at me like I was a monster... That's why I fled to this city. I promised myself I wouldn't let the same thing happen again... But it happened anyway... I couldn't shake off the desire I feel... I just... don't know anymore. Am I really attracted to children? Or am I just paranoid because other people think I am?"
— Kazuki Asakura, Slow Damage
"You do realise what that clerk must have thought...right? A grown man checking into a place like this with an 11-year-old girl?"
"I imagine he thinks I'm molesting her up here" answered Alboreto, with no surprise in his voice. He never pulled his eye away from the scope.
Michele could not hide the shock in his voice. "Are you okay with that?"
Elio finally looked up from the scope to explain. "To be honest I planned it that way. If that clerk thinks I'm a child molester he won't think I'm a cop, or an intelligence agent." Pagani seemed to understand that reasoning, but he obviously wasn't comfortable with it. Alboreto went on; "We specialize in two different worlds, Pagani, mine just happens to be a lot more comfortable with its own cruelty. I try my best to shield Mari from the worst aspects of it, but at the end of the day we have a dirty job to do, and it sometimes requires tactics none of us enjoy using."
"I imagine he thinks I'm molesting her up here" answered Alboreto, with no surprise in his voice. He never pulled his eye away from the scope.
Michele could not hide the shock in his voice. "Are you okay with that?"
Elio finally looked up from the scope to explain. "To be honest I planned it that way. If that clerk thinks I'm a child molester he won't think I'm a cop, or an intelligence agent." Pagani seemed to understand that reasoning, but he obviously wasn't comfortable with it. Alboreto went on; "We specialize in two different worlds, Pagani, mine just happens to be a lot more comfortable with its own cruelty. I try my best to shield Mari from the worst aspects of it, but at the end of the day we have a dirty job to do, and it sometimes requires tactics none of us enjoy using."
— Marisa 8: Joining the Club, a Gunslinger Girl fanfic.
